The Babysitter's Club
by WhiskyFlower
Summary: Both Rachel and Puck need cash badly. When Rachel makes a babysitting company and has Puck as a partner humor, gleeky life lessons and tips about the proper way to woo a girl is learned. Puckleberry.  Please Review! Flames accpeted! NEW CHAPTER IS UP!
1. Underwear Talk

**Underwear Talk**

Mr. Schuster could not remember one Glee Club practice in which Rachel Berry was ever late. She was usually the first to come; she even comes before him sometimes. But lately Rachel seemed very detached from Glee Club. She always shows up late for practice, she never prattles him anymore about giving her more solos, she makes fewer comments about the dance moves and she even ignores Finn now.

Another thing he noticed was that Rachel seemed to be always accompanied with a horde of boys surrounding her. He wasn't very sure what was going on but he desperately wanted the old, obsessive Rachel instead of the new, unresponsive Rachel who now couldn't even sing a proper song without her phone ringing.

The other Glee Clubbers noticed it too.

"Is she late…_again_?" Kurt said his eyes darting at the door.

"Why is Miss Diva always late all of the sudden? Last time I checked she was always en before they built this school," Mercedes said.

Mr. Schuester looked at his watch. Rachel was late for half-an-hour now.

"I guess we have to start without her. Okay, Quinn you sing Rachel's part until she gets here and-"

"Mr. Schue, can I sing Puck's part since his still not here also?" Kurt suddenly said.

Mr. Schuester stopped in his tracks before turning slowly to Kurt, "Um, Kurt? Don't you think that it's a bit out of your range?"

Kurt looked extremely offended, to the point in which he gayishly pressed his hand against his chest.

"You are…um…a soprano, after all. Artie will sing it," Mr. Schuester said avoiding his gaze.

Kurt glared at Mr. Schuester and said, "This is discriminatory! All I wanted was a hand as trying to sound "manly" and you wouldn't even let me try because I sound gay! Well, I've got news for you Mr. S, I can sing Puck's part in the straightest and manliest way possible!"

Before Mr. Schuester could answer Rachel burst in the room with a crowd of boys gathering behind her. Kurt delicately raised a brow.

"Rachel?" Mr. Schuester said incredulously.

"Don't worry Mr. Schue," Rachel said smiling broadly and a bit tensely too. She turned at the group of teenage boys behind her and said, "I have Glee Practice but I'm sure after a good twenty minutes we can continue on to our previous engagements and—''

But Mr. Schuester had already shut the door.

"I wasn't finish talking Mr. Schue and I must say that that was very uncalled for and very inappropriate, not to mention rude—''

"Rachel, I'm sorry to cut you off but you were late and we're running out of time," Mr. Schuester said pushing her near the piano and handing her a copy.

"What's this?"

"The song we're supposed to sing during Regionals," Mr. Schuester said raising a brow.

Rachel stared absently at him.

"Your lead?"

"Oh, of course! How could I be so irresponsible and forget? Let's start," she said grabbing the copy.

"So do I get Puck's part?" Kurt suddenly said.

"What? No, Kurt," Mr. Schuester said rubbing his forehead.

Suddenly Quinn threw up on the floor.

"Quinn? Do you wish to go to the bathroom?" Mr. Schuester sighed exasperated.

Quinn just gave a tiny nod before rushing out of the room with Finn looking at her with an angry eye. Just when Mr. Schuester was sure that no interruptions would occur the door banged open again and in came an exhausted looking Puck.

"Looks like you won't be needed Artie," Mr. Schuester said. He handed Puck a copy who just threw it to the side and plopped down on a chair.

"Just wait a sec Mr. Schue. I'm pooped," he said.

"Well, we have to wait for Quinn anyway…."

_Ring! Ring!_

Everyone turned to Rachel who was busy silently mouthing the song. She didn't seem to notice that her phone was ringing.

"Um, Rach?"

She looked up annoyed.

"Mr. Shue, please. I am trying my best to master the song," she snapped.

"Your phone is ringing," he said.

Rachel's eyes flashed open. She quickly fished her phone out of her bag and she placed it near her ear.

"Uh-huh. Yeah, no, yeah, sure, okay, bye," she said before placing her phone back into her bag.

"Mr. Schue, I am so sorry to say this but I am very tardy of a very significant arrangement—''

"But—''

"Furthermore we only have about…" she looked at her wristwatch. "Ten minutes left of Glee Club so I only find it suitable that my reason is very exemptible."

"Rachel…," Mr. Schuester sighed.

"Um…I have to go to Mr. Schue. I also have some very important….shit," Puck said standing up.

"Okay, wait, wait! You two, I need to see you!" he said gesturing both Rachel and Puck outside. They both followed him.

"Puck…" he began.

"Save it. I already told you. I'm working two jobs to support my baby mama," Puck snapped. True that Quinn rejected his offer to help raise the baby but she didn't reject any financial offer. Quinn was disgusted with him for getting him and Finn to break up but she wasn't stupid enough to decline his offered financial support. And Puck just isn't his father and he was pretty sure that that was the only reason why he's breaking his back for their baby.

"Well, I understand Puck but—''

"Hey Berry! Where do you think you're going?" Puck suddenly said. Mr. Schuster turned to find Rachel slowly inching away from them.

Rachel whipped her head with an annoyed look on her face.

"Rach, please come," Mr. Schuester sighed.

Rachel sighed, defeated and she slowly made her way towards Mr. Schuester like a wounded puppy.

"Why are you always late for Glee Club?" Mr. Schuster demanded.

"Well, if you must know my father Hiram Berry is very sick and we're running quite low in our financial credit so my father Leroy encouraged me to participate in various activities that involve me earning some money. My father is _very_ sick Mr. Schue so although I appreciate your concern I would like you to please be tolerant of my recent atypical and negligent behavior because I am in dire need of some funds," she said in a very fast pace.

Puck looked extremely confused.

"Huh?"

"She needs some cash," Mr. Schuster said.

"Oh."

"Rachel what is your job exactly?" Mr. Schuester said.

"Yeah, Berry what is your job? I just overheard the football guys talk pervy about you." Puck said.

"Well, I am very mortified to say that it isn't the most principled occupation in the world and so I am very sorry to say that I will keep this clandestine unless you discovered my said employment," Rachel said before leaving.

…

"You say that Rachel has a job?" Emma said meticulously cutting wiping a raisin.

"Yeah. The kid told me that she really needed some money and she'll do anything to get it. Well, that was about all I could get anyway," Mr. Schuester said taking a bite out of his bologna sandwich.

"What is her job anyway?" Emma asked.

"Don't know. She said it was too shameful for me to hear," Mr. Schuester said. Emma stopped in her tracks and looked up.

"Will?!"

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you comprehending? She said that is desperate for money and that she will do anything to get it. Also, you said that Noah mentioned that the football team was talking ill of her and that she is ashamed to tell you her job. And hordes of boys following her…."

Mr. Schuester suddenly stopped eating.

"You don't think…"

"Oh dear," Emma said worriedly.

"Rachel—''

"Might—''

"Be Into—''

"Prostitution."

…

"Rachel, do you know why I called you here from your Spanish Class?" Emma asked.

"No, not really," Rachel said.

"Well, I asked you here to talk about some issues at home," Emma said.

"Did Mr. Schue put you up to this?" Rachel demanded suddenly.

"No…n-no…not really," Emma said nervously.

"Then how did you come about to the conclusion that I have a problem at home?" she demanded.

"Well, I've noticed that you are behaving most unnaturally and so I decided to investigate," she said.

"Oh, okay. Well, my dad Hiram is very sick in his stomach and the doctors think it's a tumor. So the doctor told us that we have to run some tests and the test bills are very lengthy so since my dad hasn't gone to work in a few weeks my father told me to—''

"A job?"

"Yes. The job is very stressful and it is taking a toll on my academics and musical life but all my hard earned sacrifices are well worth it," Rachel said.

"Rachel, this job…is it honorable for a lady such as you?" Emma asked leaning over.

"Well I must say that it isn't the best job in the world—''

"Rachel if you are selling your boobies in exchange for cash then it is not the way to go," Emma said quickly.

"Boobies?"

"I assumed since you said that your job isn't –''

"Oh no! I would never do that! Not even if you granted me stardom and Finn as my husband!" Rachel said jumping looking flustered.

"Oh. Then what is your job?"

"Oh well…I…"

"Come on now. You can tell me. I am your Guidance Counselor after all and I counsel. It's my job," Emma said.

"Fine! I sell men's underwear," Rachel sighed.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, that's right. That's my job," Rachel said looking extremely embarrassed.

"Well why don't you sell women's underwear?" Emma said looking confused.

"Someone already took that slot," Rachel sighed defeated.

"Oh. I've heard rumors that men in the football team are speaking…lustfully about you. Why do you think so? Is it because you sell underwear?" Emma asked.

"No. It's because….well it helps the sales if I choose the underwear for them," Rachel said.

Emma stared at her for awhile before saying, "Well the advice I can give you is to get another job. One which doesn't involve you selling men's underwear and choosing it for them," Emma said handing her a pamphlet that said "**JOBS R US: ****JOBS SUGGESTIONS FOR EVERYONE: CATHOLIC, JEWSIH, PREGNANT TEEN, CHEATING HUSBAND, GAY, LESBO AND GIRLS WHO HAVE SICK FATHERS.**

"But what job can I choose that pays a lot but won't weigh down on my school activities?" Rachel said.

"Read it out loud. Perhaps I can help you find a job," Emma said.

"Lawnmower, Pizza Deliverer, Burger Waitress—''

"How about the last one?"

"I don't eat grease. And besides my father told me that fast food is one of the contributing factors that made America the country with the most cases of heart attack," Rachel said.

"Okay. I understand. Read on," Emma said.

"Secretary, Mopper, Sales lady…ugh. The list could go on but none is any job that fits my occupation category," Rachel groaned.

"Why don't we look into the Be-Your-Own-Boss section?" Emma asked.

"Okay. Have your own dog-walking business, have your own delivery business, have your own babysitting business—wait!—this is it! I'll have my own babysitting business!" Rachel said standing up.

"Thank you. You are such a wonderful consultant!" Rachel said before rushing off.

Emma smiled happy to have helped.


	2. A Thousand Jewish Babies

**A Thousand Jewish Babies**

Every Friday night Puck and his mother and baby sister have this weird ritual in which they take out Chinese Food and watch Jewish Movies. They rarely go to the temple because of his mother's busy schedule and Puck couldn't even remember them celebrating Hanukkah. The movie ritual thing was about the only thing that keeps them in touch with the Jewish world.

Puck's mom would usually get the take out food while his little sister would be picked up by a neighbor and he, puck, was given the shitty assignment of choosing the DVD. It was more difficult then one thought because there aren't many Jewish movies. He had already gone to the seven different stores and he still hadn't found one Jewish movie.

"This is the very last. If there isn't any, screw this," he muttered entering the shop. He was just searching through some DVD's in one corner when he saw it. A Jewish movie. He was so excited that he felt like peeing in his pants. He was about to go over and grab it when the worst possible thing happened. Someone else took it in one swift motion. And it was the last copy.

Someone who wears short school girl skirts and someone who has the most annoying voice possible.

"Hey Berry! That's mine!" Puck yelled.

Rachel who was already making her way to the counter stopped in her tracks. He went over to her and held his hand out.

"Give it," he demanded.

"Why?" she snapped. She clutched the DVD close to her chest.

"Because I want it," he replied simply.

"Really, Noah, I do wish that you would keep your maltreatment of me within the school campus," she said sidestepping him.

"Come on Berry! I've just been through toilet cleaning," Puck said chasing after her.

"I'm really sorry Noah, but as they say in the widespread teen language, I got here first," she said before rushing to the counter.

"Berry, wait!" he said blocking Rachel's way.

He didn't want to go to another DVD store since he needed this stupid movie thing finished early because at nine thirty he had to work as a pizza delivery man. Knocked-up women are more expensive than he thought.

"I'll make out with you if you let me have the DVD," Puck said thinking fast.

"That is hardly a reasonable exchange as I have no ambition whatsoever to have any mouth to mouth interaction with you," Rachel said sidestepping him again. Puck blocked her again.

"Then expect non stop slushies next week," Puck said in a less than threatening voice.

"Appalling intimidation will not work also," Rachel said sidestepping him.

"How about if I use um…." Puck searched his brain for any impressive vocabulary he retained.

He couldn't find any so he simply said, "Force."

"Excuse me?"

And with that Puck forcefully grabbed the DVD from her hands and although he knew it was ridiculously childish he ran to the counter and shoved the DVD into the cash register's nose.

"Hurry up and tell me how much before a crazy bitch comes pummeling in…," Puck said hurriedly.

Too late. Rachel came and shoved Puck aside and slapped a twenty dollar bill onto the counter.

"I'll give you twice as much as that DVD costs," Rachel said.

"I'll give…um…thrice as much as her!" Puck said tapping his foot.

"This is completely childish and unnecessary. If you have any security cameras you can see that I had taken possession of the DVD before him. Further more, he assaulted me. This matter could be clearly solved if—''

"I'll beat you up!" Puck said.

"See how violent he is? Now if you were a smart and proper gentleman you wouldn't be timorous. And I'd like to add that if you were a young man with any sense of justice at all you would give me the DVD—''

"Okay, okay, okay. I'll settle this. Give me the twenty and show me your bra and I'll give you the DVD," the cash register said.

"Excuse me?"

"He wants to perv on you Berry," Puck said sounding triumphant. No way was Rachel gonna show her bra just for a DVD.

"I have never met someone else who was as distorted as Noah!" Rachel cried indignantly.

"I win Berry," Puck said triumphantly.

"Come on Noah. I very much need this—''

"So I need it too!" Rachel said indignantly.

Suddenly the shop bell rang and to Noah's horror in came his mother with Chinese take- out food in her hand.

"Mom?"

"I took the alternative route and I saw your truck so…I decided to come in and see if I liked the movie," she said.

Noah stiffened but luckily Rachel who had been used to performing in front of hundreds didn't seem faze that Puck's mother was here.

"Good day. As you can see me and Noah are arguing over who gets to bring the DVD home and as I am very honorable I swear that I had taken possession of it first but Noah, please excuse me, has not obviously learned any proper manner because he took it from me in the rudest way possible. You see Mrs. Puckerman—''

"It's Ms. Puckerman," Puck cut in.

"Forgive me. You see Ms. Puckerman my father is sick and he ahs the urging to watch a Jewish Movie and as we have already seen Schneider's List…"

"You're into Jewish Movies!?"

Puck groaned. He knew what that look meant.

"Well I am Jewish…" Rachel said proudly but she didn't finish because she was cut off by Ms. Puckerman's hysterical scream and bone crushing hug to Puck.

…

"I can't believe you mom," Puck muttered. His mother was frantic cleaning their messy living room and dusting their dusty curtains. After she found out that Rachel was Jewish she went berserk. She thought that she and Puck were dating and when Puck and Rachel hastily told her that they weren't dating she had made up her mind to make sure that they will be both walking down the aisle with each other.

"She's crazy mom. And since when do you make pot roast?" he demanded.

"Because she has two dads which means it's twice more difficult to date her. You know how strict my father was when I was dating your—''

Puck balled his fists. His dad was forbidden topic in their household and whenever someone mentioned him his mother would start tearing up.

Sure enough her eyes were watery.

"Mom, Rachel's insane. Literally. Why did you have to invite her to watch the movie here?" Puck demanded. His mother invited her over saying that since Rachel's dad was so intent into watching the movie they could all watch it together. And Rachel saw nothing wrong in the compromise so she agreed.

"Oh come on Noah. She's got great legs, a pretty face and what's more…she's Jewish!" she said excitedly.

"Whatever," Puck said flopping on the couch.

His little sister, Leah showed up.

"I'm really excited Noah," she said.

"I can't believe you're making Berry come over," Puck said pouting.

The minutes ticked by and just as Ms. Puckerman took the Pot Roast out of the oven the doorbell rang and Leah opened the door. Rachel entered while being followed by two stately men. The other one to her left looked pale.

"Hello, Rachel! Come in! Come in! The pot roast is just about ready," his mom said. It was pretty obvious that to the Berry's their living room was shit but Puck was at least grateful that they didn't mention anything.

The three all sat in ne sofa looking uncomfortable and maybe his mom detected it because she invited them to their kitchen. Their table was a three seater since it was Puck, his sister and his mom. The seats were offered to the three Berry's and after eating very primly they all started to watch the movie.

Rachel and Puck sat as far away as possible and to Puck's annoyance his mother kept on dropping hints.

His cell phone beeped. He had set it on alarm. It was nine-thirty.

"Gotta go familia," he said standing up. He was grateful to be gone of this nightmare.

"Go where?" is mother demanded. She was obviously irked that both Rachel and Puck had spoken not one word to each other.

"In case you haven't forgotten, I have a job," Puck said.

His mom looked super annoyed but he couldn't get rid of the smirk off his face.

"Our Rachel has a job too," Hiram Berry said suddenly.

"Oh really? What?" It was obvious that his mother was praying that they would end up having the same job.

"She has a babysitting company. She already has about ten children under her care every Saturday, all Jewish," Leroy said proudly.

"How much does it pay?" his mother asked.

"She charges twenty five dollars an hour for each child," Hiram said.

It was like a light bulb had clicked in Puck's head and he could tell that his mother was sharing the same light bulb. This is it. Easy money. All he had to do was watch over some brats and he would already have more than enough for the baby. But the problem was he wasn't necessarily known in the neighborhood to be responsible. But if he could convince Berry to let him help her and strike a partnership up, he had struck the gold mine.

"Hey Berry! Help c'mere for a sec," he called.

Rachel looked annoyed to be disturbed from her movie but she sighed after a prompting gaze from her father. Puck tried to ignore the giddy looks from his mother.

"What?" she demanded.

"I'm in," he said.

"In what?" she asked confused.

"Your whole babysitting thing."

Rachel was about to open her mouth when Puck cut her off, "Look Berry, I need this cash as much as you do. I need a future."

Rachel was still unconvinced.

"I have a bunch of kid's stuff from my little sister. I bet you don't even have any," Puck said.

Rachel's expression softened a little.

"Well I don't know. You are known to be quite irresponsible not too mention slightly distorted. I'm not sure if you will be a great influence on the children.—''

"Just screw it! I'll even throw in my swimming expertise. I mean honestly…its boring doing the same thing over and over again," Puck said.

Rachel sighed, "Fine. We'll have a 75-25 deal."

"What!? I want a 50-50! We're gonna be partners," Puck snapped.

Rachel cringed at that thought.

"65-35?"

"Hello no."

"Fine! 50-50 but if you slack off we're going to 75-25," she snapped.

"Done. But can I throw in my sister? For free?"

"But you have to be the one to pick them all up," Rachel said.

"What!?"

"I have to provide the snacks," Rachel said defensively.

"Fine. Whatever. Don't forget. 50-50," Puck said before grabbing his jacket.

"But mommy I wanna ask Puck something," he heard Leah say.

"Don't disturb them!" he heard his mother snap.

"Just think, I could see it now. A thousand Jewish babies," his mother said.

Puck tried his best not to barf.

…

_Thanks for all the reviews. Expect my next update to be on Friday. Keep reviewing._


	3. Color Coded

**Color Coded**

Rachel was the kind of person who planned everything; from her study schedule to the amount of time she was to take a bath. She believed that no respectable person would be caught dead without a schedule which is why she had a planner. Her planner was filled with schedules for everything and she was proud to say that they were all color coded. So she felt, that as president of her babysitting company, it was her civic duty to create a fun schedule for all the little tots. She had already made a schedule on last week's babysitting and when Puck jumped on board the bandwagon she decided to give him his own planner. Knowing very well how irresponsible he was she decided to start making his day planner ahead.

"What the hell is this?" Puck asked as Rachel shoved into his nose a brown notebook during a break from their Glee Club practice.

"Well, I feel that it is my duty as keeper of the children to provide you with a planner so you will be up to date with the different activities I planned. Also I have started writing in it and color coded it. Red means that that planned activity is still pending therefore the yellow is the back-up activities…."

Puck completely zoned out and he flipped the notebook open. Sure enough the first two pages were filled with a neat, tidy scrawl and many were highlighted with different colors. The first page was filled with the schedule and pick up points of the children he was supposed to pick up.

"No way."

"Excuse me?"

"This is so pointless! I don't need a dumb planner!" Puck growled.

Rachel looked extremely miffed.

"Noah, if you are really sincere in your intentions to be my assistant—''

"Partner."

"Fine! Partner! As I have said if you are really sincere in your intentions to be my partner in this partnership than you will follow a systematic, orderly and efficient schedule and I suggest that you will not continue to rely on me to fill out this planner. You should learn to make your schedule and to _color code_ it. Here," she paused rummaging her trolley bag. She took out lots of highlighters tied together by a rubber band. She gave it to Puck who just raised a brow.

"This is to help you start out," Rachel said.

"Seesh Berry. Chill. You can't control life," Puck said taking the highlighters.

"I am not controlling my life. I am simply manipulating it to the way I want it. A true sign of control," Rachel said zipping her trolley bag up.

Puck faked cough and said, "Over controlling!"

Rachel rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, and Noah I will be riding with you today."

"Why? You've got a car."

"Well, true but I want to asses how you handle the children so I will know if you are capable of driving and picking them up," Rachel said.

"Look, Berry! I'm not an idiot!"

"You couldn't even keep your math books! And they don't talk or move!" Rachel snapped.

…

"You drive a truck?" Rachel asked horrified.

"So?" Puck retorted.

"Well, it looks so…old and…."

"Like it's about to fall apart?" Puck snapped.

"Yeah…."

To Rachel's surprise Puck wasn't offended in the least. Instead he tapped his windshield fondly and said, "Yup. But you'd be surprise what my baby survived. If I could, I'd marry her…."

And to Rachel's disgust he leaned over and kissed it. Kissed it with all it's dusty, fly splattered glory.

"Well?"

"Hmmm?"

"Get in!" Puck said and Rachel hopped in.

"So who's first?" Puck asked as he revved up the engine.

"That is what your planner is for," Rachel said smugly.

"Why don't you have one?" Puck demanded.

Rachel pulled out a similar notebook except it was pink with golden stars plastered neatly on it. Puck rolled his eyes and opened his planner. He double rolled his eyes as he looked at the entire page.

"The first is Jon Dent," Puck read.

"All right, let's get to it then," Rachel said enthusiastically.

Suddenly they heard laughter. Puck looked through his rearview mirror and found Matt, Mike and Finn all laughing and walking towards them. Thinking fast he pushed Rachel downwards.

"Hide!" he hissed. He did not want word of this to get out.

"No need to push," she retorted.

Puck rolled his eyes. As the trio neared he saw Finn freeze up. Obviously Finn hadn't forgiven him yet. Finn called the two to come closer and Matt and Mike both nodded. Finn went to the exact opposite direction and the two veered towards his truck.

"Hey, Puck give us a lift man!" Mike said.

"No can do. Got a hot date tonight," he smirked.

"I thought that with a baby on board you would stop playing the field," Matt said.

"I'm a stud. Studs don't go steady," Puck said arrogantly.

"Yeah, well Finn's still hates you," Mike said.

"Genius observation Changster," Puck said sarcastically.

"Well we won't keep you," Matt said and they both left. Puck breathed a sigh of relief before whistling for Rachel to come up again. Rachel did so but not before primly dusting of her skirt.

"Well, keep your seatbelt on babe. My baby can ride fast," Puck said.

He wasn't lying.

…

Puck had realized something. He hated children.

He had made this realization when his baby sister was first born and now this realization had come back again in full force. There were going to be eleven of them all in all, including his demonic little sister. They had finished picking up nine, without his sister yet. Rachel refused to let them sit at the back so they were crammed inside.

They yelled. They cried. They got stains on his baby. Puck could literally run himself over.

"Why don't we all sing a song?" Rachel suggested.

And that's when mixed songs of A Whole New World, Beauty and the Beast and We're All in This Together (from High School Musical) drowned his Beatles' Hey Jude song. Puck was on the point of yelling at everyone when Rachel kindly reminded him the hefty amount he'll get.

"You children just…sing," he sighed slumping.

"Oh Noah? We still have to pick up Gabe Summers. He lives in the a cottage near the forest so—''

"Are you insane? I'm not driving all the way for—''

Rachel glared at him and said through gritted teeth, "50-50 effort or 75-25 paycheck?"

Puck sighed and he turned his car sharply around. The turned caused a few of the children to squeal. He knew it did him no good but it was good to see the satisfaction of Rachel's alarmed face.

…

"Are you and Noah a prince and princess Rachel?" a boy, Samson Crow said.

"What!?" both Rachel and Puck cried in alarm.

"Well…because you're awfully pretty Rachel and Noah is handsome…sort of….and—''

"Sort of!? Sort of!? Have you seen my guns? My abs?" Puck said turning around.

"No we are most certainly not engaged in some fairytale relationship. We are hardly even friends. I am not a princess but I will become a star…" Rachel said falling into a reverie.

"You're gonna become a star? Like the ones in the sky?" Jannylene Carlson asked.

"No. A star has many different meanings. It can mean a hot ball of floating gas in space but what I mean is that I will become a thespian and a famous singer—''

"She's gonna be like Jasmine in Aladdin," Puck said noticing their confused looks. Everyone looked impressed.

"And what are you gonna be Noah?" Jon Dent asked.

"Me? I'm a professional badass," Noah said.

All the children in the car squealed.

"Rachel, he said a bad word!" they yelled.

"Noah!"

…

"Well?" Puck asked impatiently.

"Gabe's father said he's in the woods trying to attain some berries. To save some time I suggest that we go look for him," Rachel said jumping back in the truck.

"Hey Rachel can we go with you to find Gabe?" Vince Colbe asked.

Rachel raised a brow and frowned, "I don't know…."

"Oh please…" they all chimed.

"Come on Berry. I saw all the activities you've got planned and believe me…they all suck," Puck said jumping out of his truck.

Rachel opened her mouth ready to retort something when a little boy just wailed.

"I wet my pants…," he said.

"See what being bored out of their minds made them do?" Puck said.

Rachel sighed and said, "Let's go ask for a map."

…

The first part of their impromptu field trip was all well. They had found Gabe and they were ready to go back when they (and Rachel was sure that it was Noah's fault) took a wrong turn. Rachel could feel the tension and panic rise in the air although she tried her best to keep the children's ignorance of their real situation she knew that some of them were beginning to suspect that they were lost.

"You oaf! You obviously blundered and got us lost!" Rachel hissed pulling Puck aside.

"Me? You're the one holding the map!" Puck said accusingly.

"So?"

"I think we should tell them Berry," Puck said worriedly. The sun was beginning to set and he had heard Gabe tell the other children that bears lived in the forest.

"No! We have to keep them from knowing our real situation. Don't worry. I was a girl scout once," Rachel said.

"Well what do I do?" Puck hissed.

"Keep them entertained."

Puck was pretty sure that they passed that particular tree already although Rachel kept claiming that it was a different tree. The sky was a bit dark and he could see lines of orange in the horizon. It wasn't long before the children started wailing about hunger and one got poison ivy.

Puck was sure that they would get fired after this whole fiasco and his heart sank. He really needed the money.

Rachel kept her nose buried on the map. Puck, bored to listening the children talk about toothaches and tooth fairies went over to Rachel to have a more mature person to talk to.

"All, right. I admit it. We're lost," Rachel said on verge of tears.

"This is your entire fault," Puck said accusingly.

"Doesn't Gabe know the way?"

"You got us lost so far, the kid doesn't even recognize the place," Puck snapped.

"You're the on that had to persistently insist on going in this unplanned excursion," Rachel huffed.

"We're probably all gonna die of starvation and hunger. Or we'll be eaten by bears," Puck grumbled.

Rachel looked genuinely afraid.

"Really?"

"What!? I ain't from Brokeback Mountain," Puck said.

They walked on silently for awhile. Behind them they could hear the children talking amongst themselves.

"I think this is one of those moments in which I think back in all the things that's happened in my life and I say something to you about it or some shit 'cause I might not be alive to see you," Puck said.

"How clichéd," Rachel said.

"Can you think of anything better to do?" Puck retorted.

"Fine. Is this like those movies where hated archenemies confess what they really think of each other?" Rachel asked.

"Sure," Puck shrugged.

"Well you go first," Rachel urged.

"Okay, sure. I always thought you were sort of hot," Puck shrugged casually.

"Excuse me?" Rachel said.

"You know. Erotically beautiful, sexy—''

"I think even I am up to date with teenage lingo," Rachel said sourly.

"What!? You're offended that me, Noah Puckerman, resident sexy stud thinks you're hot?"

"You said sort of."

"If you weren't such an O.C. pirmadonna—''

"Well I think you are an arrogant, egotistical, conceited, supercilious, self-important and condescending ass!" Rachel snapped.

"What!? And you never thought that I was hot?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Why? I mean I'm like a human chocolate. That every girl wants to bite off."

"More like a human jerk-y," Rachel huffed.

"I don't get it."

"Excuse me for my hackneyed joke but what I meant to say was that you're a jerk," Rachel said.

"But a hot jerk, right?"

Rachel didn't answer.

"Ha! I am some hot piece of ass right Berry?" Puck asked teasingly.

"Oh be unobtrusive!" Rachel growled.

It became silent again.

"Noah, why do you throw slushies at me?" Rachel asked suddenly.

"What!?"

"I mean what do you have against me that makes you want to throw flavored iced drinks at me? I was the first person you slushied in our freshman year."

Puck looked uneasy but before he could answer he suddenly stopped.

"What!?" Rachel said irritated.

"Listen."

And he was right. Rachel could hear sounds. Fire sirens in fact.

"Omigosh! We're back!" Rachel squealed in delight.

"Yeah, well get ready to face the music babe," Puck muttered.

Rachel motioned all the children to come closer and just as Rachel thought they found the main road with Mr. and Mrs. Summers there looking worried. Rachel bit her lip. A thousand apologies ran through her mind and she was rehearsing how to say it. She and Puck both came forward and instead of finding an angry Mr. and Mrs. Summers they both hugged her and Puck.

It was obvious that they were both confused. The media was all there with TV cameras. Rachel froze. How long have they've been gone?

"Mr. Summers I am truly sorry…"

But before Rachel could speak Mr. Summers hugged her again and said, "Say no more child. We know that you're about to apologize for—''

"We didn't mean for it to happen. Don't send us to juvy!" Puck said hysterically from behind.

"For not informing us but we know you did it to save our children," he said before turning to a camera.

"These clever youngsters saw the smoke and they must have realized that the Lima wild fire was spreading so they kept our children safe in the forest until they saw that there was no more fire. For that, I'm so happy that teenagers today still have the basic skills," he said choking up.

Puck raised a brow, giddy with disbelief.

Rachel for once, was speechless.

…

"I can't believe we got off scotch free. God loves us!" Puck said practically jumping on his seat.

"I do agree that it is an unusual piece of chance but I think that we shouldn't cater to a door-to-door pick-up after this fiasco," Rachel said as Puck drover her home.

"Whatever. We're off the hook!" Puck said.

"Yes and….Oh no!"

Puck turned to Rachel.

"What happened? Don't tell me! You got poisoned by some unknown poisonous plant!" Puck said sarcastically.

"No," Rachel said on the verge of tears.

"I lost my planner. And it was color coded," she sobbed.

…

_I'm really sorry for Schneider's List. I guess I have to double check my refernces before putting it up on the net. Anyway thanks for the reviews and keep reviewing! The next update might be tomorrow or on Sunday. _


	4. Sugar Free Cookies

**Sugar Free Sugar Cookies**

The Berrys' household was immaculate. Every tabletop, every sofa, even the woodwork, was polished and Puck was sure that he couldn't see even a single speck of dust. Puck noticed that three children had already arrived and they were busy watching some Disney movie. Puck smirked and he was actually very excited. He would love to see Rachel's expression when she sees how messy little kids could be.

Puck knew how little children's minds worked. He had lived with one his whole life and they tend to get messy. Puck shooed his sister into watching the movie with the other kids and he made his way over to the kitchen where he heard noises.

"Berry?"

Rachel stuck her head out of the counter. On the tabletop were an assortment of ingredients; flour, eggs, butter. Rachel was messier than usual and by messy Puck meant that Rachel had a miniscule spot of dirt on her skirt. As usual she was wearing granny clothes but they looked better on her than usual. She was wearing a sweater and a short skirt and she also wore a long, floppy, apron.

"What's all this?" he asked.

"I have decided that for their refreshments I would prepare my famous sugar free sugar cookies. I baked them to the poor once and what's more, my cookies have a special ingredient that prevents children from becoming obese," Rachel said as she took a plastic bowl out.

"You mean you're baking your Sugar Free Sugar cookies?" Puck said excitedly. He tasted her sugar cookies once and she wasn't lying when she said that they were good. He thought it was stupid at first to name sugar cookies sugar free but Rachel after all was always weird. She had baked them once because the gay-shionista had come up with the stupid advice that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That is stupid since the obvious way to a man's heart is showing your boobs but Rachel had done it as another dumb stunt to impress Finn.

Turns out that Finn was diabetic and although Rachel assured that it was sugar-free sugar cookies Finn was still too chicken since Puck told him one bite of excess sugar could kill him. Truth was Puck told Finn that because the cookies did look yummy and he was hungry that day.

Rachel didn't answer him. She was too busy measuring the flour.

"Okay. I'll go and you know…babysit…"

"Absolutely not! You are going to partake in the process of cooking the children's refreshments," Rachel said some icing to him.

"You want me to cook?" Puck asked completely horrified.

"Why not? If women can involve themselves in various manly activities I'm sure you men can do so too. After all equal rights," Rachel said.

"But the children…" Puck sputtered.

"Will not arrive in a few more minutes. Now I have already cut the cookies into shape and all they need is icing. Here is a list of names and I want you to _neatly_ (and please Noah, in your neatest handwriting) ice their names on," Rachel said handing him a new notebook with golden stars.

"What's this?"

"Since I have misplaced my planner I bought a new one. As you can see beside their names are the colors they like the most so I suggest that you be coordinated with the icing," Rachel said as she mixed another batter.

"There is no way I am gonna—''

"50-50 effort or 75-25 paycheck?" Rachel said through gritted teeth.

Stupid chicks and their threats.

Puck growled and to show Rachel that he was mad he slammed the bowl of cookies that were star-shape. Rachel ignored him completely and it annoyed him a bit so he squeezed the icer to hard and icing burst and splattered all over the place.

Rachel seemed to be hyperventilating.

"Noah I can tell that you're irked but I would very much appreciate it if you would not be so demonstrative as I want this babysitting thing to go smoothly," Rachel said as she began to meticulously wipe off the icing.

"Irked? I have no idea what you just said," Puck said.

"Stop being a jackass and just get to work," Rachel screeched.

"Call the media! Berry just said a bad word!" Puck yelled.

"Just do it!" she snapped.

Puck sighed and decided that if he doesn't want to get fired—wait a minute, _fired?_

"Are you threatening me?" Puck demanded.

"What!? No! How could you possibly put that notion into your head?" Rachel said.

"Just be reminded. We. Are. Partners," Puck said.

"Of course I understand how our partnership works. I am not a dunderhead. Now please return to your work," Rachel said as she wiped off the last spot of icing off the counter.

Puck did as he was told and iced every kid's name on the cookies.

"What's the point anyway of icing their names?" Puck demanded as he iced it a cookie out.

"Because from reading Crisfield's Guide to Childcare one of the tips says that children have possession issues. And so to prevent unequal distribution of the cookies I have decided to have their names iced out so no child will feel left out. Remember, three cookies for each child. Also this will be a wonderful way to expose the children's more competitive side. The child who behaves well will get more cookies in the next babysitting session," Rachel said.

"What about me?" Puck demanded counting the cookies. There were eleven kids and Rachel had already baked about thirty-three. That would leave him with nothing.

"I do recall myself saying that the said refreshments were only for the children," Rachel said.

"So? I'm an over-aged child," Puck said.

Rachel didn't answer and as he started to ice the cookies again a thought came over his mind.

"Rachel?"

"Yes?"

"If the kid's name is on his cookie then it's his—''

"Or hers."

"Or hers, no question asked."

"Correct."

Puck smirked evilly.

…

Puck looked at today's schedule.

3:30-3:45 Arts and Crafts

3:45-4:00 Applesauce making

4:00-4:30 Break

4:30-4:45 Snack Time

4:45-5:30 Jewish Story telling

5:30 Pick-up Time

"You have a schedule?" Puck said horrified.

"Well, yes. I have decided that it will be worthwhile experience for them. After all some of them might rise to the occasion and become stars," Rachel said.

"Seesh Berry. They're children. Can't we just let them run around and stuff them with sugar?' Puck said.

"No! Then their experience will be pointless and unproductive. I don't plan on making—''

"Sure, whatever," Puck sighed.

For arts and crafts Rachel had them make hand puppets. Puck was a little annoyed that Rachel, who he was extremely sure had no experience in handling kids, went along with things smoothly. So far Puck realized that he was all thumbs when it came to Arts and crafts so after getting glue all over the table, Rachel declared that Arts and Crafts was over putting them way ahead of her precious schedule.

Rachel was now flipping through her planner anxiously and she was busily redid her schedule with a correction tape.

"Can't you just scratch it out?" Puck complained seeing her obsessively correct scratch some words out with her tape.

"No. It would be untidy and how you keep your notes, paper, and things reflects the kind of person you are—''

"Please. Just stop talking."

…

Puck was so happy he could squeal girlishly. Rachel had them do apple sauce making because she had been blabbing on about how as a kid her grandma used to do it with her and all that junk and that it was great fun.

She didn't anticipate how messy children were. Aside from the fact that Jon Dent nearly burned himself and Samson nearly stabbed himself with a butter knife and that the whole kitchen was a mess her precious schedule was thrown off balance again.

She was on the verge of yelling at everyone when Puck took out a copy of Crisfield's Guide to Childcare and read to her in his most mocking tone, "If one is taking charge of a child it can be noted that the experience will be a bit frustrating. However you must be_ patient_"

Rachel screamed.

…

"Aside from the fact that my schedule is thrown askew the children have now been embolden by our apple sauce making and thus making them hyperactive. I want my schedule to be back on track and to do so I have to calm the children down…."

"Relax Berry. They are kids. You just can't stand it that I am taking better control of this situation than you are."

"No. I am perfectly capable of handling children."

"No you're not. You're _irked _(Puck was beside himself with glee that he used a complicated word) that I am better at this babysitting shit than you are."

"Am not. And please refrain from using vulgar language…."

"Admit it. I am so better at you than this."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"This is childish."

"You know why you can't handle them? It's because you've never been a kid."

"I resent that!"

"What's resent?"

Suddenly a wail escaped from one of the children's mouth and Puck and Rachel turned to find one of the boys being towered over by two bigger ones.

"Noah, we need to stop them!"

"Relax Berry. They're preparing the kid for high school."

"A law suit could be upon us if he gets hurt," Rachel said hurrying over tot hem.

"What?"

"We could get sued."

"Shit. We need to stop them."

…

Puck managed to break the fight up by bribing the bullying kids chocolate (with his fingers crossed at the back) but the children had still not calmed down. Rachel was beside herself in anxiety whipping out her correction tape every now and then.

"This is more difficult than I expected."

"Welcome to my life."

Suddenly her eyes light up and Puck could tell that she had an idea.

"We could sing!"

"Hell no!"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"No Disney," Puck said defeated.

…

The afternoon wore on and Puck could tell that Rachel was tired. The kids have amused themselves by playing tag but not before being given guidelines by Rachel.

"I am tired."

"Hey wait! You forgot snack time!"

"Of course! Since my schedule had been thrown way off balance I had completely forgotten about snack time. Gather the children while I go fetch the cookies," Rachel ordered as she stood up.

"I'll go with you," Puck said.

"Thanks but no thanks."

"Why not? We're partners," Puck snapped.

"Because this behavior is highly unusual. How do I know that you don't have some malicious hoax planned for me?" Rachel demanded.

"Because we're partners!"

"That excuse is completely unjustifiable," Rachel said.

"Please."

"No."

"Fine."

Rachel flounced off to the kitchen. She asked for it. Three, two, one…

Scream.

"Noah!"

Puck smiled at himself as he entered the kitchen.

"What is the meaning of this?" she demanded.

On the tray of cookies nearly have of it had Noah iced on it in squiggly blue letters.

"No questions Berry."

And in his best Berry imitation he said, "If the person's name is on the cookie, it's his or hers. No questions asked."

And with that he scooped out all of his cookies.

…

_I'm sorry if the update came later than expected. Next update would be on Friday (I'm pretty sure of that). Keep the reviews going! In the next chapter their **might **(might only) be some sexual tension. _


	5. Football 101 by Noah Puckerman

**Football 101 by Noah Puckerman**

Puck was late. Again. Rachel glared at the clock impatiently. It was their fifth time into the whole babysitting thing and after their fourth session Puck started to slack off. He always showed up late and what's more he seemed to be a bad influence of the children. His mother had already dropped Leah along. She laughed in spite of her self. Imagine his baby sister being more prompt than him.

_Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong!_

Rachel growled. He was doing it to purposely annoy her. When she opened the door she was extremely horrified to see Puck shirtless and sweaty.

"Like what you see Berry?" Puck asked teasingly.

Instead of the usual reaction Puck got from women Rachel was horrified and after giving a low squeak she proceeded to close the door behind her.

"I absolutely forbid you to go into my house while you are perspiring and not wearing any form of upper clothing!" Rachel hissed.

Honestly, this Rachel chick was so different. Girls would faint if they saw him like this.

"You will ruin my furniture with your sordid sweat and I have just waxed the floor!" she said anxiously.

Okay, what? Puck was no extremely annoyed. Rachel didn't want him inside because he was sweaty? Did she even notice his guns?

"Hey, Berry did you even notice my guns?" Puck asked as he flexed his muscles.

But Rachel had obviously not noticed anything. In fact she was repulsed.

"I demand that you go home immediately and bathe as I want you to look presentable in front of the children. You are showing them a very bad example and furthermore you're late—''

"I don't wanna go home!"

"Why not?"

"Because I know that you'll hold this thing against me and you're gonna give me a 75-25 paycheck!" Puck growled.

"Preposterous!" Rachel said although she had thought of that

"Forget it Berry! As I clearly remember, 50-50 effort or 75-25 paycheck!" he spat and without even recognizing that it was Rachel's house he pushed her out of the way (but not in a hard jerkish way) and he opened the door and let himself in.

Well, Rachel wasn't going to give up without a fight because before he even entered the living room Rachel screamed.

"What the hell?"

"Fine! If you persist in entering my household in the rudest way possible and if you persevere to actually help me out in this childcare session I demand that you put a shirt on!" she screeched.

Puck couldn't believe it. A chick doesn't want him shirtless?

"Why should I?" he demanded.

"Because as I have said you are entering into my abode therefore a domicile as respectable as this should house people who look adequate! And I don't want my fathers coming home to find….you," Rachel snapped.

Puck wasn't sure if that was an insult.

"Was that an insult?"

"Just get a shirt!"

"What if I don't want to?" Puck asked.

"Then I will eradicate you out of my property!" Rachel threatened.

"Huh?"

"I'll kick you out!"

"But we're partners!" Puck sputtered.

"That doesn't matter. It's still my house," Rachel said.

"Well fine! But I don't have shirt to change with," Puck said.

"Why not?"

"Because I came from football practice and my shirt is muddy and sweaty and gross," Puck said.

"So you want to parade around my house, shirtless?" Rachel asked horrified.

"Why not babe?"

"I refute it! I have a schedule that involves activities with you being not shirtless and—''

"Hey! We could teach them football!" Puck said excitedly.

"Excuse me?"

"In your backyard! This way I _can _parade around your house shirtless!" Puck said happily.

"No. Football is not in the carefully planned schedule I have made—''

"This country is demonstrative. We are gonna get the majority vote," Puck said smugly. Honestly, he thought that there was no way Rachel could ruin his moment.

"Don't you mean democratic?"

"Damn you."

…

It had taken Puck at least thirty minutes to let Rachel to let him through the living room. The only reason she let him through was because her schedule had been thrown off balance again. It was quite obvious who won. The moment Puck said football, everyone was game even the girls. Rachel just stood there looking all huffy.

"Fine! But you are in a clean, reputable neighborhood! I do not want the neighbors to get any ideas why I am holding such a boorish guest! I demand you put on some form of clothing for your upper body," Rachel demanded.

"I told you I have zilch. Nothing," he snapped as the kids filed out to Rachel's backyard.

Rachel bit her lip and said, "Stay there! Don't move until I come back!"

Puck rolled his eyes as Rachel hurriedly went upstairs. She soon came back with a very expensive polo in her hands.

"Here," she said holding it out.

"What? Seriously Berry? This shirt looks expensive," Puck said.

"My father received this as a present and it was too big for him ever since he got sick. He was thinking of giving it to charity anyway," Rachel shrugged.

Puck could not believe it. He gets an expensive shirt. For free! He should come around shirtless more often.

"Awesome. Sure Berry?"

"Well I did say we were going to give it to charity."

Puck wasn't sure but he thinks that there was an insult in that.

…

For the first half of their little football lessons the children was doing fine and all Rachel did was sit in the quiet shade under a tree reading some book which Puck was sure involved show tunes. She constantly glared at Puck which means she still hasn't forgiven him for messing up her schedule again and arriving shirtless and sweaty.

The kids were mostly too pigheaded to listen so all Puck did was to tell them to chase and tackle (but not too hard) whoever has the ball. It had gone for about an hour now when Rachel went inside her house and came back with a plate of cookies.

Puck guessed that she was probably still _irked_ (it's Puck's new favorite word) about the whole cookie thing because not one cookie had his name on it. Anyway Puck realized that kids were selfish because although he sweetly asked for a bite from their cookie they all said no. Although he strongly thinks that Rachel put them up to this. Even his little sister won't share.

"Hey Rachel! Why don't you play football with us?" Jannylene asked.

"No thank you Janny since I see football as antediluvian and cave man sport not to mention it's completely pointless—''

"Yeah, Berry. Why don't you play football?' Puck asked. He really wanted to get back at Rachel for not icing his names in any of the cookies.

"I told you—''

"Come on Rachel! It's not fun without you!"

"We have never seen you play before!"

"Please Rachel?"

"Come on!"

Rachel folded her arms firmly.

"I told you that I find foot ball a pointless and unchallenging sport—''

All of the children sighed obliviously disappointed but it looks like that Rachel won't budge.

"Berry!"

Rachel looked up.

"The kids look so dissapointed..."

"I'll make it up to them," Rachel brushed off.

"But then they really wanted to see you play," Puck said.

"But--"

"50-50 effort or 75-25 paycheck?"

Puck was the man. He just used Rachel's dumb chick threat against her.

…

It had taken Rachel at least twenty minutes to get change and when she was finished Puck wasn't the one to complain. She wore a pink sleeveless shirt and some really short shorts that accentuated her slender legs. Although Rachel always wore skirts he had never really noticed her legs before because he was always busy mocking those granny sweaters.

And boy did she have a body. Honestly why must she indulge mockery by wearing those dumb ass clothes?

"Noah!" Rachel said stamping her foot.

Puck refocused his attention back at her.

"Nice one!" Puck whistled.

Rachel looked mortified but she has faced worse before so she just stood there nose held high. The children had decided to just watch since they all felt like resting.

"Why couldn't you wear this to school?" Puck asked teasingly although in the back of his mind he was annoyed that she wears those stupid grandma clothes when she has clothes that make her look hot.

"Because it's against the dress code—and this happens to be my tennis outfit," she snapped.

"You play tennis?"

Rachel didn't answer.

"Seriously. You play tennis? You actually play a sport?" Puck asked incredulously.

"Of course! Aside from eating healthy I have an exercise regime that keeps my body in tip-top shape," Rachel said.

"I could see that," Puck said as he eyed her boobs.

Seeing his look Rachel glared and said, "Let's start."

Puck took one more look at her before saying, "Hey Vince, throw the ball!"

Vince threw it and Puck caught it.

"Okay Berry, listen up. The objective of the game is to score points by advancing the ball into the opposing team's end zone. The ball can be advanced by carrying it or by throwing it to a teammate. So we're on opposite teams—''

"But we can't be teams. We're only one person on each side," Rachel complained.

"Fine! Whatever! The point is don't let the opponent get the ball. My end zone will be the fence and yours will be the porch. No let's go!" Puck said and he threw the ball at Rachel.

"Wait, tell me how do I get to score first. And can we even play football with only one member in each side?" Rachel said.

"Why do you always have to make things hard!?" Puck groaned.

"I want to fully understand football including its pros, cons, fouls, rules and point system," Rachel said.

"Just don't let anyone take the ball away from you. Look let's just get started okay?" Puck snapped.

Rachel nodded and the next thing Puck knew she was running to her end zone. Puck watched as he legs moved.

"Berry! You're running the wrong way!" Puck yelled.

"But you told me to run towards the end zone," she huffed from afar.

"Your opponent's end zone genius!" Puck growled.

And with that they started all over again. This time Rachel was running towards Puck's end zone when she felt something hit her left. The next thing she knew Puck was on top of her.

"Too slow and too weak Berry," Puck said grabbing the ball.

For such a small tiny person she had a lot of juice in her. She adamantly refused to give him the ball.

"No!"

"Berry! Gimme the ball!" Puck snapped.

"No! You told me not to let go of the ball"

And with that they both struggled and somehow Rachel ended up on top of Puck straddling his hips.

"Whoa! Liking this position," Puck said.

"Please don't be obscene. Now I will not let you go unless you promise not to tackle me anymore," Rachel said.

"But why? That's the point of football!" Puck said.

"So? I am a lady and if you were a proper man at all you should know that it is completely inappropriate to hit women," she snapped.

"But I didn't hit you. I tackled you."

"Which frankly, is quite as painful as hitting," Rachel said. They both glared at each other and Puck was aware that the children were laughing from behind them.

Suddenly Puck grabbed Rachel's hips and swung her to his side but she still didn't let go of the ball. Again, he was on top of Rachel. He tried not to think how good of a kisser she could be as he stared into her lips.

"I demand that you release me immediately!" she screeched.

"Not until you give me the ball."

"I may be atrocious in this sport but as a decorous young woman I will not give up without a fight," Rachel declared.

Suddenly an idea entered Puck's mind. He quickly ran his fingers just below her rib cage and as he expected Rachel began to laugh. She released the ball, Puck grabbed it and with that he ran to her end zone and scored himself a touch down.

"That was foul!"

"Oh come on babe. I know you liked it," Puck said coming over and tickling her again.

Rachel slapped his hand away.

"Hmmp. Because of that low down dupe you scored a goal!"

"It's not goal Berry. It's touchdown," Puck snapped.

"Whatever! As I've said football is an inane sport! Tennis is quite better because you don't get severely injured and what's more—''

"You just can't stand that for once you actually lost!"

That did it.

Rachel turned around slowly and said, "Football is a sport for the dogs."

"Okay now I am sure that that was an insult!"

"If you want a proper and actual sport tennis is the way to go," Rachel said trying to keep her voice calm.

"Tennis, Berry? Get real. All you have to do is whack the ball around," Puck said.

"If you think so Noah then I suggest we have tennis lessons in the next babysitting session," Rachel said.

"Fine!"

"Fine."

"Get ready to be pawned Berry!" Puck said.

"No Noah._ You_ get ready," Rachel said in a strangely eerie voice.

They were all about to enter the house when Puck paused.

"Hey, you will wear an outfit like that right?"

…

_Thanks for reviewing. Keep on reviewing. Next update will be a week from now. Maybe the Thursday after next week. Long I know but we have finals coming up. _


	6. Tennis 101 by Rachel Berry

**Tennis 101 by Rachel Berry**

Puck had no idea why it seemed such a big deal as to why he spent half-an-hour choosing his tennis outfit. Rachel had told him that they were holding their tennis lessons in the Lima Country Club,which is by the way the most posh place in Lima. Puck knew that Rachel would probably wear one of those cute, matching tennis outfits that made her look hot—and did Puck forget to mention that those outfits were expensive?

"Stupid Berry…rich ass prima donna…," he mumbled as he scoured his closet.

When Puck had asked her why they could even afford to go to the Country Club when her dad was sick Rachel explained that they already paid for a full-year membership and it won't expire until next year. Puck wasn't a vain sort of guy because he knew he didn't fancy, expensive clothes to make himself look hot but since he'll be beating I'm-a-hot-rich-stuck-up-Mariah Carey-who-wears-granny-clothes Berry he decided he did not want to look poor next to her expensive tennis outfit and shiny Prius.

He decided to wear one of his plain white t-shirt that shows off his rock hard abs and some white shorts because whenever he played tennis Wii in Finn's house before, the players always wore white.

He had been practicing tennis for two days working it on Mike's PS3 and Matt's Wii and he was pumped and excited, confident that he could beat Rachel's prissy little ass.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

"Noah! Phone!"

Puck growled and he went outside to answer the phone.

"You are calling Noah Puckerman's residence. Professional badass and resident ladykiller—''

"Being badass is a job?" An incredulous voice said from the other line.

"Mike? What? No! Being badass is not a job dumbass! That was supposed to be a joke!" Puck growled.

"Oh."

"So, why are you calling me?" Puck demanded.

"'Cause we want to spend some bro time with you man! I mean you've been so tied up lately," Mike said.

Uh-oh. Red alert.

"I can't," Puck said blandly.

"What? Why not? Me and Matt were planning to take you to a monster truck convention out of town," Mike said.

That was really tempting but it wasn't as tempting as beating Rachel in the sport which she claims to be an expert at. And seeing her in one of those hot tennis outfits.

"Take Finn," he said.

"But he's not fun to take. He always whines and complains. I think he's still pissed at you and he's taking it out on us," Mike whined.

"I told you I can't. And besides didn't I spend lots of time in your house playing that tennis game?"

"Yeah, but we didn't even talk much. You were too absorbed with playing tennis. What's with your new obsession with tennis anyway?" Mike demanded.

Puck's brain whirred a mile a minute and suddenly, like lightning, an idea came to him.

"There's this chick I want to impress in the country club. You know the pretty snooty place?"

"Yeah. But how is playing Virtual Tennis 3 turn you into a tennis master?" Mike asked.

"Hey, because of that awesome game I now know what a Deuce and an Advantage Point is and all that shit," Puck said defensively.

"So it's a chicka, that's got you leashed," Mike laughed.

"She's pretty hot," Puck said although it was true. Rachel was hot-ish. In those tennis outfits anyway.

"Well…that means we're stuck with grumpy Finny," Mike sighed.

"It's not my fault that you don't have more friends that are like me," Puck said.

"You mean friends that blow us off for hot girls?" Mike asked.

"Just shut up."

"Bye."

…

"Late again! And what's more you are not even wearing a proper outfit," Rachel nagged as Puck entered the lobby.

Puck eyed from her boobs to her legs. She was wearing another tennis outfit. This time it was light green and she had a matching visor on. Puck had to admit that even with her annoying naggy voice she was hot.

"I'm sorry that some of us aren't as rich as you Berry. And I thought we were supposed to meet at one of the courts," Puck asked as he saw the children sitting in the reception area looking bored. He prodded his sister to go join them.

"Well, non-members have to pay a fee of fifty dollars—''

"Fifty dollars?!"

"And thirty dollars to use the court—''

"So the fifty dollars is an entrance fee?"

"It's consumable....and anyway the point is we had to wait for you so you can come as my guest and you'll just end up paying half the price for the entrance fee," she snapped.

"I have to pay?" Puck said his jaw dropping.

"Twenty-five dollars is hardly a big amount and plus….you don't have to pay for the tennis court because I'm a member," Rachel said.

"No way!"

"50-50 effort or 75-25 paycheck?"

"That dumbass threat won't work Berry!"

"I understand that you're just genuinely petrified to challenge me in this wonderfully challenging game and I understand that. You can go home now," Rachel said smiling way too sweetly.

"So you're basically calling me chicken?" Puck demanded.

Rachel did a pretty good (and mocking) impression of a chicken.

"So what's a few measly twenty five dollars?" Puck shrugged.

…

Puck was still grumbling over his twenty five dollars but he didn't want to be showed up by Rachel. Rachel told him that for the first hour and a half she'll be teaching the children while he can warm up or walk around the club.

Puck nodded and he decided that he was too badass to warm-up. And he just lost twenty five dollars. He spent the whole day walking around the club. He met some hot cougars, a few hot chicks and a few lifeguards who didn't have his hardcore abs.

He was just finished checking out the spa when he saw Mike and Matt, both in expensive tennis outfits, both heading his way. He would have ran but Mike had already seen him and it would look suspicious.

"Dude!" Mike said.

"What are you doing here?" Puck demanded.

"Well we decided that since you're too wrapped up in this hot chicka of yours we decided to stop by and you know…spend some bro time!" Mike said.

"You paid fifty dollars?" Puck asked.

"Well Matt paid twenty-five since I'm a member," Mike shrugged.

"You dipwads! Leave! Now!" Puck roared.

"Why?"

"Cause you'll ruin everything!" he snapped.

"No way man! I just paid twenty-five dollars!" Matt said.

This cannot get any worse. Too late. It just did. Behind him Rachel was marching towards them gathering storm clouds. And he knew she was there because Mike and Matt were staring at Puck with the weirdest expression.

"I'll pay you your twenty-five dollars Matt. Mike, I promise to spend bro time with you. Just leave!" Puck said sending his famous I-will-kill-you glare.

"Is that Rachel?" Mike asked peering from behind Puck.

"Rachel? Who?" Puck asked innocently.

He was so screwed. Slushie facials are bound to come by Monday.

"Matt, Puck, take a look at this! Who knew Rachel had killer legs and a body like an hourglass?" Mike asked his face lighting up.

Matt peered after Mike and a moment of silence ensued. For some reason Puck found it highly disturbing as they stared at Rachel with hormone-driven expressions.

"You guys are such girls! Drooling over Berry! Shit, even old Mrs. Figgely looked hotter," Puck said commenting on his neighbor.

"You didn't see her Puck! She _is _hot! No wonder Finn's got the hots for her. He must've seen her sexyness over all those granny clothes," Matt said.

"Let's invite her to play tennis with us!" Mike suggested.

"Maybe one of us will go second base with her!" Matt said.

It was like something snapped inside of Puck when Matt said that. Rachel must have noticed what had happened because she was quickly running to the opposite direction.

"This chick must be sizzling man, if even you're willing to pay me twenty-five dollars," Matt said.

Mike had a look of realization.

"Maybe Berry is you hot date!" he said.

"What made you say that?" Puck demanded.

"Well Berry is hot and from the looks of it she does know how to play tennis...."

"Just go!" Puck stamped.

"But you will give me my twenty-five bucks right?"

Puck barred his teeth looking really scary and with that they both scurried off.

Puck couldn't believe it. He still ended up paying fifty dollars.

…

Puck was in a foul mood when he came back to the tennis court. He guessed Rachel sensed that because she bought him a giant burger and a milkshake along with the children.

"That incident was absolutely mortifying. Do you have any idea the pandemonium it would have caused if Mike and Matt came to the conclusion that we were playing tennis together? Kurt and Mercedes will never have let me hear the end of it," Rachel babbled on as Puck ate his burger.

"Can't I just beat your butt in tennis now?" Puck demanded.

"After the children finish eating. I want them to witness as I overpower you with my superior skills and hand to eye coordination," Rachel said.

"Get ready to die a tennis death Berry."

"Please abstain from using fetid language."

…

Despite the fact that Puck insisted that he was already an expert at tennis Rachel insisted on teaching him the basics since she said that she didn't want the match to end quickly.

She is so arrogant.

"Just wait 'till I squash her," he muttered.

"So tennis is sport usually played between two players or between two teams of two players each. Each player uses a racket that is strung to strike a hollow rubber ball covered with felt past a net into the opponent's court," Rachel said swinging her racket.

"The key to being a good tennis player is focus and to have contact with the ball," Rachel said as she tossed the ball up and down with her racket.

"I am well aware that after playing video games that involve tennis you are familiar with the point system?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure whatever. Can I beat your ass now?" Puck asked.

"Okay," Rachel shrugged and with that she served.

"Hurry up and serve Berry!" Puck yelled.

"I just did," Rachel said smugly.

Puck could hear the children laugh. He turned around and looked down and sure enough there was a yellow, round ball.

"Too fast and too hard for you Noah?" Rachel asked in a sweet mocking voice.

"Bullshit. I was just giving you a chance because I was being gracious…."

Rachel's face hardened.

"Then treat me the way you would normally treat your chromosomally challenged peers," she snapped.

"I serve."

"Be my guest."

…

They had been playing for an hour and Puck was tired. He groaned inwardly and demanded a break.

"You still think that you're a formidable enemy against me Noah?" Rachel asked in a mocking sweet voice.

"Whatever that means...I am...not...finish...with you....," Puck said in between pants. To tell the truth every inch of him ached. Rachel was really good and although he didn't want to admit it, it wasn't those stupid outfits which he made himself believe was so distracting that he can't keep his mind on the game (although he didn't say it out loud) but in reality Rachel played like a pro and Puck was really suspicious that it was because she's had private tennis lessons. Trying to massage his calves he noticed that Rachel was abosrbed in discussing something with the other kids. She was showing then a piece of paper.

"What's that?" Pucka asked as he veered towards them. On the paper were two players. Roger Federrer and Rafael Nadal (knew them from the Virtual Tennis 3) and they were both posing with their rackets and even Puck had to admit, they had abs.

"Not what. _Who. _These persons happen to be one of the greatest tennis player in the world," Rachel sniffed.

"Even better than Maria Shara...Sharon...Sharapovap...."

"Maria Sharapova and no. You see their is no basis for us to compare them against each other because they are of opposite gender. In the world of sports, sport directors seem to think that it would be unethical that two genders will go against each other. Now I think that that is extremely gender-biased but as I have said children, we are not here to discuss about those things rather...."

"My ears hurt from all the gas leaking out your mouth," Puck said clamping both his ears with his hands. All the kids laughed.

"Very humurous but also very crude. As I've said you're are a horrible authority over these children," Rachel scolded.

"Uh...nag, nag, nag!"

"Nadal is handsome...," Kathleen squealed.

"Yes, I know. He is rather striking and attractive...," Rachel muttered looking at the picture.

"What? Look at his guns. See how phony and camerized it is?" Puck said.

"You are just jealous that someone in the world is actually more attractive than you are!" Rachel accused.

"No one in the world is more gorgeous than me okay?" Puck said arrogantly.

"A fine example of narcissism," Rachel said.

"What?"

Suddenly they heard a whistle and they both turned to find a guy who looked a couple of years older than both of them. He was tall and handsome with a fine chisled chin.

"Kyle! Over here!" Rachel waved.

"Kyle? Who's Kyle?" Puck demanded.

"He used to be my tennis instructor. Do you actually think that I became such a marvelous tennis player by playing redundant video games?" Rachel said walking over to Kyle.

"What's he doing here?"

"I invited him over to show the children and maybe _you _some pointers," Rachel said.

"Look at the guy. His muscles are so fake. He probably takes steroids," Puck grumbled.

"Well if you stop whining I suggest we take a quick hiatus from our game since I have seen you rubbing your calves. We can fill the time with some tennis from me and Kyle," Rachel smirked.

"Whatever! Just buy me some more milkshake," Puck said and he was about to stomp his way over to the kids when Rachel grabbed his shoulder and said that she first wanted an introduction. It was pretty short since Puck just gave a half-hearted wave before continuing his stomp.

Puck had to admit that the guy was pretty good. He beat Rachel during the first game and Rachel got all huffy but she pretended not get mad. Anyway during the second time they played Rachel won but Puck suspected that it was because Kyle wanted her to win because he had the hots for her. He knew it because:

1. He kept flexing his fake steroid muscles

2. He kept staring at her not the ball

3. He was trying to show off his tennis skills but beating Berry only made her mad so:

4. He made her win and feel important

5. He kept giving Puck dirty looks because Puck had the real abs and he might have thought that Berry was with him

For some reason Puck felt slightly bothered.

"You're jealous aren't you?" Leah suddenly said.

"What? Don't be prat. I'm not jealous," Puck said.

"Well Kyle is handsomer than you. You're just mad because Rachel thinks he's handsome too. And he's a better tennis player. And he has more muscles than you," Leah said.

"Well, Mr. Steroids happened to get those muscles through drugs. I got these through pain. And I can so beat Berry. I'm just you know, letting her think she can win," Puck grumbled.

"Mom will be so happy when I tell her that you're jealous....last week she was upset because I told her that you guys argued a lot," Leah said excitedly.

Suddenly something clicked inside Puck.

"You're mom's spy!"

....

Puck was in a lousy mood after that whole thing with his sister and it worsened as he saw the minutes ticked by and it seemed that Berry was so absorbed in playing tennis with Mr. Steroids.

"Hey Berry, when can I kick your ass?" Puck said as both Kyle and her sat down.

"I am quite exhausted after those series of consecutive games with Kyle so I think I need some time to recuperate. Why don't you and Kyle do some tennis. He could help you improve your game," Rachel said.

"I don't need improvement," he said but he nodded anyway since he wanted to at least touch the ball on his next game with Berry.

"Hey you! Come here!" Mr. Steroids said swinging his racket.

Puck went over to him. Puck expected him to lecture him about the basics of tennis like Rachel but instead the guy drew him closer.

"So are you and Rach, going out?" he demanded.

"What? That sounds disgusting!" Puck said trying to sound grossed out but he really felt like telling Mr. Steroids that just to stop him from hitting on Berry in the most loserific way possible. Flexing your muscles? If Puck wanted to ask Berry out he would come up with better ways than flexing his hardcore and _real _abs.

"Oh. Okay. That's great. Okay so Rach tells me that when she saw you serve you did it great but you still need to improve on somethings....."

"Such as?"

"You don't concenteate on the ball and you don't run fast enough. That's the thing with tennis. Focus and Contact," he said.

"So can we play now?"

"Yeah sure man."

Puck was about to go over to his side of the net when Mr. Steroids yelled at him to come over. Again.

"What now?"

"Just play like you normally would," he whispered.

"And that is...?"

"You know....play....badly."

Puck was speechless.

"I want to impress Rach and you know...we might..."

"Have sex?"

"I was thinking of that for our third date actually. I said we might kiss," Kyle said abashed.

"Screw you."

...

"Noah, that was the most shameful display of insolence I have ever seen. How could you brutally mangle Kyle? We're just lucky that the club manager decided to not eradicate us from the country club since Kyle decided not to press charges! What ever made you contort Kyle?" Rachel said her voice going a mile a minute.

Puck really didn't do anything serious. He just bopped him on his head and stomach and arm and eye and....and maybe his manly part but the point is he isn't dying. He just has a few and maybe...permanent bruises.

"Because Berry he was talking about humping you," Puck said the moment she finished.

"Humping as in....fornicating?" Rachel asked horrified.

"Huh?"

Rachel gave him a meaningful look.

"Oh. Yeah. And I got _irked _and I thought it was offensive. And we are partners you know. We have to watch each other's back...." Puck said.

"Oh. That's so chivalrous of you Noah. And I do agree that we have to look after each other—"

"Not so loud. My baby sister will repeat everything we say to my mom."

"And that's bad because...."

"Can I just crown you in tennis?" Puck sighed.

"Well I suppose we have time for one more game. And then we can all get some ice cream."

"You're paying."

"Of course. But I really think we shouldn't have tennis lessons anymore. I lost my flare for it since Kyle came clean with his...intentions."

"Honestly, did you not know that the guy was hitting on you?"

"No."

"Seesh. No wonder they say that you'll be a cat lady."

"And no wonder they say that you'll be a psychotic drug lord."

"Was that a joke?"

"It was sarcasm."

"Can we play tennis now?"

"Of course," Rachel said as they filed out of the lobby.

"And Noah?"

"What?" Puck demanded.

"Thanks."

...

_It came out earlier than I expected. The longest chapter so far. Next chapter will be next week on Tuesday. As I've said we have finals coming up. Keep reviewing and thanks for all the reviews!_


	7. Rachel Learns to Rock

**Rachel Learns to Rock**

The first time that Puck saw a guitar was seeing the band Toto. His dad used to adore that band and every morning when he wakes up songs like "Georgie Porgy" or "Rosanna" would be filling the house. His mother used to complain about it but now, Puck guessed that she wouldn't mind a little loud music early in the morning if his dad was here.

Anyway, his dad had tickets to a concert and he was so excited. He went crazy, buying Toto t-shirts, caps, shades and he was planning to bring his mom along. Puck's mom hated the sound of loud music and blaring lights so she refused to go leaving his dad with no other option but to take him. Anyway this one guy with long hair was shredding it on his guitar and ever since, Puck was hooked.

His dad wouldn't buy him a guitar so he worked as paper boy. It took him a full year before he was able to afford his own guitar and when he did he went to the library and took out every single book that had the words "guitar" on it. He learned pretty fast and just after a month, he played like a pro.

Usually his mom preferred his guitar over his dad's loud rock music but Puck was afraid to play it since his dad threatened to dismantle it if he ever hears a guitar tune over his Toto. Finn found out about his love for guitar and they decided to make a band and become rock stars and live a life of booze and sex when they grow older.

Every day after school he and Finn would jam in his garage, just the two of them. Of course it was short-lived. Finn got a girlfriend and he forgot all about their rock god ambitions and so Puck was back playing in his room. When his dad left and his mom was a wreck Puck made sure to learn hundred of Neil Diamond songs. For a short period his mom kept playing those dumb Toto albums early in the morning as if that would bring his dad back so Puck usually turned the stereo off and played Neil Diamond songs. His mom got over it pretty quick and now, they had grown accustomed to Puck's guitar playing early in the morning. Puck knew that she preferred it over Toto.

Until now, Puck kept that same guitar and he considered it his baby. He even loved it more than his truck. Puck respected anyone who can gun it on a guitar like him which explains why he hasn't pottied or slushied Artie Abrams in months. So imagine his horror when one day, during one of their babysitting sessions, Rachel was strumming on a guitar. His most favorite person to torture knows how to play the guitar!

"Is that a guitar?" Puck asked, not yet believing it. If Rachel knew how to play the guitar then Puck would have to…respect her! The thought was mortifying.

"Well yes. What else?" Rachel asked annoyed.

Puck examined her more closely. She knew the basics but she still seemed uncertain with her hands.

"So you're new to this whole guitar shit?" Puck asked.

"Well, yes," Rachel admitted.

"My fathers thought that it would be good if I was more musically broad. After all I already know how to play the cello, the violin, the lyre, the harp, the flute and of course, my favorite, the piano. It's only natural that I take up guitar," Rachel mumbled.

"And the kids?"

"I let them watch Disney," she said absentmindedly. Puck couldn't believe it. For once, Rachel actually had nothing planned. This means Puck could do whatever he wanted. She was pretty absorbed with the guitar.

He was about to get her laptop when she started playing and singing a song. He recognized that song. It was "Samson" by Regina Spektor and Puck had to admit, it was mesmerizing the way she sang it. She played it pretty well but she still fumbled some chords.

"Fudge!" Rachel said and she flipped the book open again.

Puck couldn't stand it. Rachel was ruining the great name of the guitar.

"Give me that!" Puck snapped. Rachel cautiously handed him the guitar with a wary eye.

Puck played it and he did it perfectly. He even sang during the second verse.

"Your pitch is off when—''

"Whatever. I'm just showing you how to _really _play a guitar," Puck shot back.

"Are you implying that I play the guitar atrociously?" Rachel asked annoyed.

"You don't sound that bad….," Puck said.

"Here, play something," he said handing her, her guitar back.

"Why don't you just leave and let me be?" she growled getting her guitar back.

"No! I can't stand it if some noob like you is ruining the awesome name of the guitar. You should be thanking me you know. Now play!" Puck said.

"What will I play?" Rachel asked.

"Anything."

Rachel began to play again, a sober tune. Puck couldn't recognize the melody but it was a sad melody but for some reason it was sweet and comforting. Rachel continued to play it, fumbling a few chords, and after awhile she began to hum. Puck started humming himself when he decided to pinch himself.

"What do you think?" Rachel asked.

"Shit."

"Excuse me?"

"You play alright Berry but you're too tense. And what was that song you were playing? It made me want to kill myself!" Puck complained.

"I thought I should start with something slow first," Rachel said defensively.

"No wonder you suck and play like a noob. You, as always, take playing guitar way too seriously," Puck said.

"I do not!"

"Yes you do. Don't be all cute on me Berry. I've played the guitar even before you could walk! So if you actually want to play the guitar decently, I suggest that you start listening to me!" Puck smirked.

"Fine! But learning a new instrument is something which you must not take lightly of! Of course you can expect me to take this seriously," Rachel frowned.

"That's the problem! You _overdo _it, just like you overdo everything! Relax a little, loosen up. Now play another song," Puck ordered.

Rachel tried to play a livelier song but it sounded worse than the first one.

"That sucked."

"Well, you're not a very brilliant teacher!" Rachel huffed.

"I am! Like everything I do, I rock at it!"

"Then explain why I still have no success in playing the guitar!?"

"Can I help it if I have thickhead for a student?" Puck complained.

"It is the failure of the teacher if his student fails at the given lesson because it is the teacher who is responsible for the formation of the learning of the—''

"Ugh. My head aches."

"To recap, it's your entire fault!" Rachel whined.

Everything was quiet for awhile. Suddenly Puck's eyes flashed.

"As I've said, you need to loosen up."

"And so?"

"I'm gonna help you loosen up."

"That sounds so…sexual…"

Puck was speechless thinking of her hot legs and mocha brown eye for awhile but he regained himself. Awkward.

"Putting that aside, as I've said, I'm gonna turn you into a guitar god—"

"Goddess."

"Goddess."

"How?"

"By teaching you how to rock."

…

Jasmine and Aladdin were already flying on the carpet with Aladdin serenading Jasmine when the TV suddenly turned off. All the children squealed and turned to find Puck with the remote and Rachel looking absolutely furious behind him.

"Noah! Stop being such a meany butt!" Leah whined.

"Scat! Go play fetch or something!"

"Noah, they are not animals!" Rachel screeched.

"We want Aladdin!" Leah roared.

"Why don't you children go to the kitchen and get some goodies," Rachel said sweetly.

"But why can't we stay here Rachel?" Jon asked.

"Because…I am going to teach Rachel how to rock," Puck said.

The room was filled with oohs and aahs and whoahs.

"And you are welcomed to watch if you like," Rachel added.

The children cheered while Puck rolled his eyes.

…

_**The Look**_

"First Step: The Look," Puck said eyeing her white long sleeved blouse and short pleated skirt with matching long socks.

"Dressing like some immaculate school girl just doesn't cut it," Puck said.

"What's wrong with my outfit? I'm perfectly fine with it and I'm sure that teaching me how to "rock" doesn't necessarily mean that I should have the appropriate clothes for it," Rachel complained.

"Are you kidding me Berry? Does Joan Jett wear pleats?" Puck said.

"Who's Joan Jett?" Rachel asked.

"Never mind. Come on. Let's go raid your closet," Puck said. Rachel looked horrified as Puck went upstairs to her room and he began to take different clothes out of the closet out. It made a mess and Rachel looked like she was about to hyperventilate.

"I don't know much about clothes," Puck frowned.

"Then I suggest you stop defacing my bedroom!" Rachel screeched.

"You still can't rock with that. Don't you have jeans or a shirt or something?" Puck demanded.

"Well, my Aunt Lena gave me a pair of jeans once an I'm sure my dad won't mind if I borrow his shirt…," Rachel mused.

After a few minutes of fussing about, Rachel emerged from her father's room wearing a long sleeved white button down shirt that looked too big for her and some jeans. Puck had never seen her in jeans and boy, did she look good.

"It still needs something…," Puck frowned.

He snapped his fingers.

"Pop a few buttons," He ordered.

"Excuse me?" Rachel said raising a brow.

"Show a little cleavage," Puck urged.

"No way!" Rachel snapped.

"Then you will never learn to rock," Puck said.

Rachel sighed and said, "Fine. Two buttons."

"How about four?"

"No."

"Three?"

"Well….I guess so."

…

_**The Music**_

"Okay, let's start with the kind of music," Puck said.

"What should I play? Oohh…I know! Backstreet Boys!"

"Forget it. I was thinking along the lines of Iron Maiden, Judas Priests, Testament, Guns and Roses…."

"I really don't know those people," Rachel admitted.

"Please Berry! Can you at least name one rock group that doesn't play for a funeral?" Puck sighed wearily.

"Well, I do know Toto."

Fuck. Fuck.

"No. Absolutely no."

"But I don't know who the Iron Maiden is or Judas Priest….." Rachel whined.

And looking into her big, doe eyes….Puck relented.

…

**The Kick**

Rachel couldn't understand why Puck was suddenly cranky. Rachel had chosen the song "Georgie Porgy" and she after taking ten minutes to learn everything, she was more than ready.

"First things first, you have to learn how to kick," Puck said.

Rachel gave a kick.

"Not just a kick Berry. Play around with the guitar then wham! Kick it!" Puck said showing her. He pretended to play with a guitar and he suddenly kicked.

"I'm just going to kick in midair? But isn't that rather foolish?" Rachel asked.

"Do you wanna rock or what?"

"I can now see why you told me to wear jeans," Rachel commented.

"Yeah…why did I tell you to wear jeans?" Puck asked rather maliciously.

"Don't be obscene. Now, I will do it," Rachel said and after playing a bit of Georgie Porgy Rachel gave a kick and unfortunately, it landed on Puck's manly area.

"My nuts! Oh…Shit!" Puck wailed.

"Noah, I am so sorry….," Rachel pleaded.

Puck was still screaming and Rachel ran to get a bag of ice.

One boy, Vince whispered to Samson, "She kicked him in the part where he does not want to be kicked."

…

_**The Head Bang**_

"Next, the head bang. No rocker is a rocker without an awesome head bang. Now watch me," Puck said and he did a head bang while pretending to play a guitar.

"I think I get it," Rachel said.

"Okay, do it. But let me get out of the way first," Puck said.

Rachel began to play a few parts of Geogrie Porgy again and she first did the kick, then she tried doing the head bang.

"Hey, this is quite enjoyable," Rachel commented.

Puck nodded.

"How many must I do?" Rachel asked.

"As many as you like," Puck said.

Wrong answer.

After about five Rachel felt dizzy and she lost her balance. She collapsed on the couch rubbing her temples.

"Aspirin?"

"Please."

…

_**The Power Slide**_

"Okay, Berry, let's get to it. Next is the power slide. Check this out," Puck said and he slid across the floor, again pretending to play a guitar.

"I don't know Noah…."

"It's as easy as pie Berry. Gimme that guitar," Puck said and he strummed a few lines of some unfamiliar music to Rachel before sliding across the floor. Rachel guessed that he slid too much because he ended up bumping his forehead on the edge of a table.

"Oh my goodness! Are you okay?" Rachel said rushing over.

"Yeah, but I think I may have a bruise…"

"Thank goodness there's no scratch on you," Rachel said kissing her guitar.

"Haha," Puck said sarcastically.

…

_**Breaking It **_

"Now Berry, I want you to go absolutely wild. Do everything I just told you then break something," Puck smirked.

"Excuse me?" Rachel said.

"You can't rock it if you don't break something," Puck said as he placed an ice bag over his forehead.

"But what am I suppose to break?" Rachel asked.

"One of your plates," Puck suggested.

"Absolutely not! Don't you know we're in an economic crisis?" Rachel frowned.

"It's just one lousy plate Berry. Don't you ever learn?" Puck taunted.

"Unlike some _juveniles _I am actually obedient to my father's policies," Rachel said stressing the word juvenile while looking at Puck.

"50-50 effort or 75-25 paycheck?" Puck asked.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Rachel yelled.

"Just break something!"

"No!"

"Come on kids! Say ti with me! Break! Break! Break!"

And with that the children chanted along with Puck until Rachel finally gave a defeated sigh.

"Very well. But I want the children to be at a safe distance," Rachel said going into the kitchen and taking out a small tiny glass.

"All right, Berry. Go!"

And with that Rachel started playing and for once she got everything right. She played every chord right. Puck watched her closely. During the main chorus she gave a kick. During the bridge she did four head bangs and she didn't get dizzy. Then for the finale she did a power slide and she totally gunned and shredded on the guitar. Thereafter she took the glass and broke it and Puck gave hoot and all the children yelled.

"Perfect!"

"So have I learned to rock? Am I ready to play the guitar?"

"Not just yet. You need one more thing to make it official," Puck said.

Rachel's face fell.

"I just broke one of our glasses!" Rachel shrieked.

"I know. You will be so relax. But I need the children first," Puck said and with that he led them to her room.

…

Puck had been gone for ten whole minutes now and Rachel sat on the table impatiently. She was worried what would happen if her father's find out she broke the glass for a completely mundane reason.

Suddenly she could hear squeals and a flash suddenly blinded her for a moment. She opened her eyes to find all the children bring banners made out of bond paper that said "The Rachel Berry Fan Club". One of them wore a bowler with the word "PRESS" pasted on it and he brought a camera. All of them had notebooks or pads in their hands.

"Can you give me an autograph?"

"I'm from the Ohio Gazzette."

"I'm from Rolling Stone magazine."

"I'm your biggest fan!"

"I want you autograph!"

"Can I have your shoe?"

Rachel looked up to find Puck smirking.

"It won't be complete without groupies," Puck nodded.

"So am I—''

"You learned how to rock Berry," Puck nodded. And o Puck's annoyance, she now earned his respect. Anyone who could play a guitar liked that and who could do four head bangs without getting dizzy, earned more than his respect.

Rachel smiled and she asked Leah for a page from her notebook. After writing on it quickly she threw it at Puck.

"What's this?"

"Autograph for the guy who taught me to rock. Read it," Rachel prodded.

"To the most condescending, arrogant, haughty, conceited, supercilious, self-important, proud, bigheaded and most _wonderful _teacher in the world.

You're Rocker Student,

Rachel Berry

"I'm about to faint," Puck said sarcastically but he smiled when he read the word wonderful.

…

It was late in the evening and Rachel was fast asleep. Hiram and Leroy Berry ate dinner together and Leroy was scouring for a glass.

"Hiram?"

"Yeah?"

"We're missing one glass. And when I went out to my closet I'm missing a shirt."

"I saw Rachel wearing it in her sleep. And in her trash can were broken shards of glass."

"What on earth could that girl be doing?"

"Well whatever it is, let's leave her alone. She, for once, actually wore jeans."

…

_Thanks for the reviews. I got the title from the group Michael Learns to Rock. Keep on reviewing! Next update will be on Friday or on Saturday. _


	8. Puppy Love

**Puppy Love**

Puck was into cougars. He wasn't sure when his fascination with them started but he had always thought that older women were hot. Like when he was in fifth grade he digged high school women. And now that he's in high school he digged cougars. Cougars have some fallbacks too though. They sometimes have saggy boobs and they have cellulite on their thighs but they sure could bring it.

Puck has been off from cougar town for awhile since he's got the Babysitting thing and it pays way more than his pool cleaning business. He hasn't had it with the McKinley High sluts (cough*Santana*cough) much either. You might think he was depraved or something but for some reason he hasn't thought of sex for awhile.

Maybe he did get a few thoughts when ever Rachel bends down in one of her skirts and he could see a flash of her panty or when she wears those white blouses which were kind of see through but the point is, he hasn't been laid by a cougar in weeks but he wasn't depraved.

It was freaking' weird but he decided not to give it much thought. As usual Rachel made up a schedule on what they'll be doing and today's babysitting session involved kite making. Rachel was hading each kid a bunch of wooden sticks and cellophane and after giving them instructions they all started. Puck noticed that this one kid, he forgot the name, was it Jerome, Jeffery or Jerald? He couldn't remember but for some reason the kid kept coming back to Rachel to ask the dumbest questions.

"Should I use the scissors or the glue to cut the cellophane?"

"Should I use the glue or the scissors to paste the cellophane?"

"Can I use my teeth to cut the wood?"

"Is glue an element from the periodic table?"

"What is up with that kid?" Puck hissed as cut the cellophane into a diamond shape.

"I'm sure that he is just curious. In fact I'm impressed that unlike most children he has a rather inquisitive mind," Rachel said as she began to paste the cellophane to the wooden sticks.

"Should I use my teeth to cut wood?" Puck asked in a mocking voice childlike voice.

"I do admit that his questions are rather strange but that's a true sign of a great mind. Smart people ask question not answer them," Rachel said.

"And so Finn is a genius?" Puck asked before falling into an imitation of Finn, "Is pi made out of blueberry because you know how much I like blueberries?"

"I resent that."

"Whatever."

Suddenly Jerome, Jeffery or Jerald came over again and this time he was red and he looked shy. Behind him Puck noticed the older boys smirking and looking just plain devilish.

"Rachel…um…."

"Yes, sweetie? Are those boys bothering you?" she asked ruffling his hair.

"No….well yes actually. It's nothing. I just have a question to ask you," he said turning redder.

"Spit it out kid!" Puck barked.

"Do you…have a boyfriend?" he asked.

Rachel's eyes widened in realization and Puck tried to hide his laugh.

"Ugh…"

"Kid, excuse us for awhile," Puck said shooing Jerome, Jeffery or Jerald away.

"I can't begin to fathom—''

"This is hilarious!"

"I never even suspected—''

"My nuts are cracking up!"

"I am slightly shocked—''

"Jerome, Jeffery or Jerald has a crush on you!"

…

"How am I going to tell him?" Rachel panicked.

Puck wouldn't stop laughing so Rachel whacked his head.

"Tell him what?" Puck asked.

"That I am way too old for him!" Rachel snapped.

"Relax Berry, its just puppy love. It'll pass once he meets a girl who's hot and is the same age," Puck said.

"Isn't it a bit unorthodox?" Rachel asked worriedly.

"I don't know what that means but just relax, okay? I've had puppy love too," Puck said.

Rachel wasn't sure why she did it but she nodded.

"Hey you!" he called Jerome, Jeffery or Jerald. (Whatever his name was)

The boy stood next to him and Puck placed an arm around him.

"You're into cougars to huh? Hot."

…

Puck couldn't stop himself form cracking up whenever he saw Rachel. Jerome or Jeffery or Jerald or whatever his name was, was crushing on Rachel Berry. Honestly, he couldn't get why people crushed on her at times. She was psychotic and intense and sure she was kind of hot but her personality and dress mode ruins it for her.

The whole crush thing reminded Puck a bit about the cougars and thinking that he hasn't banged one in a while so he decided to start cleaning pools again next week. They were in Rachel's backyard collecting butterflies or something when Jerome, Jeffery or Jerald came over to her with a small bouquet of flowers.

"For you Rachel. The flowers were very pretty and they made me think of you," he said thrusting them into Rachel's nose.

Puck noticed that Rachel's face softened and she accepted the flowers with a thank you and a kiss on Jerome, Jeffery or Jerald's forehead. The boy looked like he was on cloud nine.

"Isn't that adorable? Why, if he and I were the same age, I'd have gotten over Finn by now," Rachel laughed.

For some reason, Puck felt a rock drop in his stomach.

…

Rachel had an evening ritual. After doing her homework she would go on her MySpace, and then she would eat a healthy dinner after which she would fall asleep precisely at nine o'clock.

It was 9:02 and by then Rachel was fast asleep. Nothing in her seventeen years had someone or something awoken her from her sleep. That is until now.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

"Hello?" Rachel said irritably.

"Rachel?" a small childlike voice said from the other line.

Oh my gosh. It was Jerome or Jeffery or Jerald!

Not sure who his name was Rachel said an uncertain, "Yes?"

"I wanted to tell you this today but since Jon Dent peed in his pants and you ended up yelling and screaming hysterically that I never had the chance to tell you," he said.

"Isn't it kind of late? Can't you tell tomorrow?" Rachel asked rubbing her head.

"You have pretty eyes," he giggled.

"Thanks….I guess. Look, I know that you have an infatuation with me and that—''

"I know what you are about to say Rachel. But don't worry. I love you and something as trivial as age will never keep us apart," he said.

Rachel's head throbbed.

"What makes you think that I actually accept your advances?" she demanded getting a little irritated.

"The flowers remember? And remember that one time when I got scared because Noah let us watch The Muppets in their haunted house movie you held my hand?" he said.

"Oh. But don't you think I'm a little bit too old for you?"

"I first thought that you would brush me off when you found out but when you treated me normally I figured that you were fine with it," he said.

Rachel rubbed her forehead.

"Go to sleep okay? I'm just tired," Rachel said softly.

"But you're my girlfriend now—''

"Hold on right there! I am not your anything!" Rachel said sitting upright.

"Playing hard to get huh baby…."

…

Puck never slept early. Sleeping at nine o'clock was for noobs and losers who have nothing better to do. He had something better to do like sexting Santana. He was about to read her latest sexts when the phone suddenly rang.

"NOAH PUCKERMAN!"

"OH!" Puck yelled. From the other lien Rachel had just yelled at him. Now, he'll be permanently deaf.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" he demanded.

"This is your entire fault! Now Jerome or Jeffery or Jerald or whoever his name is think we're an item! And because of your stupidity I have another stalker! Jacob Ben-Israel was enough!" Rachel yelled.

"I told you it's just puppy love! It's a boy crush! He'll get over it," Puck yelled.

"Really?" Rachel's voice hushed.

"Because I don't know about you but he's been calling me every waking minute and…he's outside my house…singing Journey in an off pitch voice!" Rachel cried.

"Very funny Berry," Puck said sarcastically.

"I'm serious!" Rachel wailed and suddenly Puck heard the song "Open Arms" sung by a childish voice. And Rachel was right. It was off pitch.

"The least he could've done, if he was going to serenade me, was to serenade me with the proper tenor!" she hissed.

"Do his parents know?" Puck asked bewildered.

"I don't know. I already called them up but they won't be back for half an hour!" Rachel said.

"So why are you calling me?" Puck demanded.

"I don't know what to do! I'm breaking out here," Rachel said nervously.

"Then tell him point blank that you don't like him."

"I did that when he called me and instead he hitchhiked his way over here and now he's waking up the whole neighborhood with Replay by Iyaz," Rachel said.

"Tell him again and be nasty about it," Puck said.

She put him on hold for awhile. Puck amused himself by replying to Santana's set when suddenly Rachel yelled.

"What?' Puck yelled.

"He just threatened to jump off a bridge after I told him," Rachel gasped.

"This kid's got it in for you bad," Puck frowned.

"Well it's creeping em out!"

"Then what do you want me to do?" Puck demanded.

"I want compensation! I want you to fix this!" Rachel demanded.

"How?"

"I don't know! But hurry up! He's starting to sing Titanic…"

…

Rachel's head throbbed. She knew she was extremely attractive but this was getting ridiculous. Jerome or Jeffery or Jerald just started singing some song. Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond actually. But the strange thing is….his voice is actually better.

Out of curiosity Rachel peered out of her window and to her surprise she saw a huffy Jerome or Jerald or Jeffery with Puck singing.

And Puck's voice was good.

Rachel had never really heard him sing before and his voice was wonderful. It probably would never hit a high F like Finn's voice but it was beautiful in husky sort of way.

Rachel hurried downstairs.

Puck had just finished singing and when he saw Rachel coming down his eyes bulged a little. She was wearing a really short sleeping gown and it was kind of see through.

"Noah!" Rachel cried.

"Is it true Rachel?" Jerome or Jeffery or Jerald said with a stern eye.

"What's true?"

"That he's your boyfriend?" he asked.

Rachel looked at Puck who began to nod profusely.

"Yes! We've been dating for quite awhile," Rachel said.

Jerome or Jeffery or Jerald shook his head.

"I don't believe you! You have to prove it!" he demanded.

"Um…how?"

"You two have to kiss," he said.

Rachel tried to keep herself from gagging. She looked at Puck uncertainly.

"Fine kid! C'mon Berry, pucker up!" Puck said.

"No!" Rachel wailed.

"Why not Rachel?" Jerome or Jerald or Jeffery asked triumphantly.

"Because…" Rachel said running out of excuses.

"Of for fuck's sake!" Puck cried and with that he grabbed Rachel's waist and kissed her full on the lips.

Puck didn't really expect her to be a good kisser so he was pretty shocked. Rachel wasn't fighting to let go. It was about a minute before the two of them let go of each other and Puck looked at Jerome, Jeffery or Jerald.

"Warning pipsqueak! Stay away from Berry!"

Then he began to cry. Rachel's eyes widened and she knelt down.

"I'm sorry sweetie but you are way too young for me," she said ruffling his hair.

"How about when I'm thirteen?" he asked his face shining.

"By then I'll be twenty something and I'll still be too young for you."

"What does Noah have that I don't?" he demanded.

"He's my age. And he sings better."

Jerome or Jeffery or Jerald didn't say anything. Instead he turned slowly at Puck and said, "I'll take vocal lessons and when I'm old enough for Rachel I'll take her away from you."

"I'd like to see you try," Puck said.

And just in time his parents arrived apologizing profusely taking him away.

…

"Where are you going?" Puck asked as Rachel retreated to her house.

"Trying to get rid of the disgusting taste in my mouth!" Rachel hissed.

"You liked it don't you?"

"It made me want to gag!"

"Seesh, don't act in denial! I liked it too."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I still think the kiss tastes like trash."

"Keep telling yourself that."

…

_Sorry, it came out a bit late but we had an impromptu vacation. Thanks for the reviews! I have to say the last chapter was my favorite. Keep the reviews rolling! Next chap might be tomorrow or on Wendesday! _


	9. Nice Guys Finish Last

**Nice Guys Finish Last**

Nice guys finish last.

Puck knew that that sounded totally clichéd and believe him he wasn't into clichéd things (for example the clichéd belief that the perfect couple has to be made out of a jock and cheerleader: Finn and Quinn and see how that turned out) but this is one statement in which he actually agrees. To further explain his belief he was going to use his kind, wonderful, likable, dumb-ass and _nice_ ex-best friend Finn Hudson.

True, nice guys get everything. They get all the right girls. He knew that he was hotter and although he wasn't exactly as tall as Finn, he was a way better catch than Finn. But Quinn chose him and Rachel liked him better—whoa. Stop there for a minute. He decided to erase that statement. Quinn still chose him. Who cares if Berry is crushing on Finn and not on him? He didn't care.

Yup, he didn't care. Not at all. Not even in the slightest.

Okay, maybe he did care but that was not the point.

Nice guys get all the sympathy. During those days when everyone still thought that Finn was the daddy they sang him songs about holding on and keeping strong and all that shit but when they found out he was the dad all he got were "looks". Not one sympathy song.

Nice guys get liked even if they're stupid or have flaws. Like Finn. His ex-best friend couldn't even distinguish a dog from a cat and still girls and guys (cough*Kurt*cough) alike still make eyes over him. What the fuck is up with that?

But despite all those, Finn still lost. Finn still got his heart crushed, ripped and pulled out by the supreme bitch: Princess Quinn (Puck was still on ice at her for not letting him be the daddy). In the end the baby still wasn't Finn's. In the end he was played and lied to by Quinn and no matter how many dirty looks he gave Puck or no matter how much he ignored Quinn and fawned over Rachel instead, the baby wasn't his and he was taken for a ride.

And this was basically a cycle with Finn. He's nice but he ends up getting either screamed at or hurt. Like when they were ten years old, Finn messed up his expensive suit to get a kite that was stuck on a tree. He got yelled at and screamed at by his mother. And from Finn that's how Puck learned that nice guys always lose and that the only way to win is to be badass.

Puck arrived thirty minutes late again. After taking a quick survey and head count of the kids in the room he raised a brow.

"Hey Berry! Where's the kid who's into cougars?" Puck asked remembering Jerome, Jeffery or Jerald and the shitting he got from Santana after he didn't reply to her sexts.

"His parents decided that maybe it was a bit….unhealthy for him to be around me for awhile since he seems to be taken with an obsessive infatuation with me," Rachel said turning red.

"His parents won't let him come back until he comes back from his therapy session," Rachel said.

"I thought we placed that kid in his place after I—''

"Don't speak! I do not wish to be reminded of that event!" Rachel said holding her hand up.

"Like I wanted to broadcast it," Puck said rolling his eyes.

"So I don't see flour…or glue…what's the agenda for today?" Puck asked.

"First of all I must inform you, that you will not get scotch free for being late. _Again. _In case you haven't realized Noah but we're in a partnership and unless you put in a 50-50 effort or—''

"75-25 paycheck! Yeah, got it mom! So what? Did your brain and explode leaving you with no ideas?" Puck asked.

"No actually. Since you were...tardy again, I have decided to go along with my plans without your assistance but…"

Puck nodded, prodding her.

"Jon Dent urinated in his pants again and unfortunately, this time, it landed on my father's extremely expensive and imported Persian Carpet," Rachel said.

Puck couldn't help but laugh hysterically. He snorted. He knew that it was major uncool but the thought of Rachel's mortified face when Jon Dent peed on his pants and unto her daddies' expensive Persian rug was too much to bear. Rachel's face scrunched up the way it normally does when she's mad.

"As soon as you have finished laughing mockingly at me, I take it that you want to listen what I have planned for this afternoon?" Rachel said sourly.

"Take it away, boss," Puck said in between chuckles.

"I think that after last week when the children spilled glue all over my father's European Antique Table and the week before that when Jon Dent peed again, on my…expensive Monique Lhuillier gown which I planning to wear to my violin recital and the week before that when the children broke the antique chair that was approximately a hundred years old or the week before that when Jon Dent peed again…on my Mahogany Wooden Floor and the week before that—''

"Okay, got that. Kids are messy and they ruined lots of your expensive and old stuff. So do you plan on letting them ruin your stairs made by Ecuadorian children or maybe you planned on letting them get paint over your virgin-styled skirts—''

"That's the thing. I refuse to let them break or deface anymore of my property! So…I decided that maybe a trip around town would keep them from ruining my stuff."

"And you want to use my truck?" Puck demanded.

"They would never fit in my Prius! And besides it's only fair. It isn't your possessions that they are impairing. A little gasoline is hardly as much as the damage of my antique chair!" Rachel hissed.

"Fine! Just stop talking! You make my ears hurt!" Puck whined.

…

They drove around town doing absolutely nothing but stare at the shops. They stayed on the playground for like five minutes but Jon Dent was on his way to urination land so they had to rush to the nearest store witch a bathroom and that store happens to be an ice cream shop.

So after Jon Dent peed the kids all demanded for ice cream. Puck at first wouldn't pay for half the costs but after Rachel gave him another one of her long monologues he nodded grudgingly and they all sat at the back eating ice cream.

"This is twice more expensive then the normal babysitting session," Puck whined remembering the tennis thing.

"Stop complaining! It's not like it's only you with the desirable need for money," Rachel said pursing her lips as she counted the money inside her purse.

"If we just stayed in your house…"

"And let them damage another one of my priceless antiques? Hardly what I call an enjoyable time for my part!" Rachel snapped.

"Do you have any idea how much diapers cost?!" Puck snapped.

"Do you have any idea how much that chair costs. It costs a hundred and ten thousand—''

"Blah! Blah!" Puck said covering his ears.

"Very mature Noah…."

"Thank you Berry."

"I was being sarcastic," Rachel said rolling her eyes.

Their orders soon arrived and soon everyone was busy eating their ice cream. It took only a few spoonfuls before Rachel decided that the ice cream was too sweet and had too much sugar.

"Will you finish that Berry?" Puck asked eyeing her ice cream.

"No, it's rather too sweet for my tastes," Rachel said scrunching up her nose.

Puck made a grab for her ice cream but Rachel slapped his hand away.

"Absolutely not!"

"Why not?" Puck demanded.

"Do you honestly think I'll give this to you?"

"Stop being selfish!"

"Stop being so assuming!"

_Tinkle! Tinkle!_

They both turned at the sound of the doorway chimes to the doorway where a very downtrodden looking man came in. He was wearing a torn and very dirty-looking trench coat, a bowler hat that has this weird brown stuff on it that smells weird (Puck suspects that it was poo) and the man began to go from one table to another.

Puck noticed that Rachel looked distracted and there was a look in her eyes (pity?) and she couldn't stop staring at the man. Puck at first felt the unnecessary need to ask her what was wrong but then he decided against it. She was too busy to pay heed to her ice cream so the Puckerone gets brownie points. While Rachel continued to stare at the man Puck slowly grabs her bowl of ice cream.

Just as he was about to take a spoonful he heard Rachel shriek.

Puck snapped his attention back to Rachel.

"What?"

"They've thrown him out! And he hasn't even gone to our table yet! Come on!" Rachel said tugging Puck's hand.

"Why?"

"He's a soul in need Noah," Rachel said sternly.

"And I'm not?"

But Rachel had already left running outside. Puck rolled his eyes. He decided that maybe he will go outside to see what the big fuss is about. He'd never hear the end of her talking if he didn't go. He went outside to find Rachel talking to the man with glazed eyes.

"Yes, darlin'. I and my family live in a car all year round. I'm trying to get back on my feet now. Pretty low our income lately. No one wants to hear my jokes anymore for pennies," he said sadly.

Puck snorted.

Rachel swatted his arm.

"Well….let me hear a joke," Rachel encouraged.

"Bless you. You're a saint darlin'," he said his eyes twinkling.

"What stranger than a cat fish?" he asked.

Rachel shrugged.

"Seeing a gold fish bowl!" he said before cracking up into a fit of laughter. Puck resisted the urge to tell him that that was the corniest joke ever.

Rachel laughed. Honestly, that was the fakest laugh ever but Rachel hands the guy a twenty dollar bill.

"Bless you," he said again before scuttling off with the twenty.

"The manager is the most heartless person I have ever seen. Imagine, living in a car! I can't even stand sleeping in the guest room," Rachel said frowning.

"I can't believe you Berry," Puck said shaking his head.

"You can't believe that unlike you I am kindred enough to help that subjugated person who is need of money? That those twenty dollars are not enough to feed a family of four? That to earn a living he has to tell corny jokes since no institution would take him?"

"I have no idea what you just said because your voice was cutting through my ears but anyway….those twenty dollars could have bought you a book, heck it could even have bought you food but you had to give it away to some loser who tells corny jokes!" Puck said.

"Noah! I am shocked at you! That man needed help!" Rachel said as they re-entered the ice cream shop.

"Can't you see it was all a sham? The phony accent? The tacky costume? The heart wrenching and _fake _sob story?"

"Are you insinuating that that man was simply shamming me?"

"You need to be firm Berry! You need to stop being so freakin' nice."

"But—''

"And even if he wasn't pretending how else do you think he got poor? And why does he stay poor? Just like Sue said in Sue's Corner if they want to stop being poor he should stop telling lame jokes so people would hire him—''

"She mentioned homeless people and as I recall the man had a home—his car. But anyway you watch Sue's corner?"

"That's not the point Berry! What I'm trying to say is nice guys finish last!"

"What?"

"Nice guys finish last. Like Finn. He's nice and all but you know I banged his girl—''

"I don't want to hear it."

"Whatever. That twenty could've done a lot for you but you were too nice. Me? I'm badass and that's why I never get shitted into any situation like this," Puck smirked.

"You're right Noah, I should firm up…" Rachel said sitting down.

"Starting now!" Rachel yelled stepping on his foot.

"What the hell?"

"That's for taking my ice cream when I firmly told you no!"

…

Puck was in a bad mood after the ice cream shop and they drove around town again. Jon Dent peed again. On his baby. In his new leather seats. After a lot of screaming and yelling (by Puck mostly) they stopped by a convenience store where Rachel led the children inside to look but not buy (she spent her twenty on the man).

Rachel went outside for awhile and she saw Puck obsessively cleaning his new leather seats which were peed on by Jon Dent.

"That kid has a serious bladder problem!" Puck hissed.

"Stop being ridiculous! It's just a car!" Rachel said laughing.

"Just a car?! Just a car!? Berry! This is my baby!" Puck said as he cleaned his seats manically.

"We're never ever taking trips around town! Ever!" Puck grumbled.

Suddenly they both heard a sniffle and they turned to find a small little boy sobbing on the steps.

"What's wrong sweetie?' Rachel asked kneeling down and patting his back.

"Careful Berry….he might start crushing on you again," Puck snickered.

Rachel rolled her eyes.

"My dad sent me here to buy some flour and I l-lost the money….now I'm in big trouble for sure…," he said in between sobs.

"Oh I wish I had money to help you but I spent everything on this guy and…," Rachel didn't finish since the kid started sobbing again.

"M-my dad's gonna kill me!" he said.

"I'm sure he'll understand," Rachel comforted.

"He's not the understanding type," he said looking at Rachel with a meaningful gaze.

And it was like something snapped inside Puck. He remembered something, a situation just like this only his dad sent him to buy cigarettes. He lost the cash and after coming back home without any cigarettes and the change his dad yelled at him for half an hour with his mom crying in the background.

Puck stared at Rachel whose eyes looked sad.

"Don't cry. Look, why don't we go to my house. I'm sure I have some spare cash in there that I can give you—''

"Stop talking Berry. You'll blow up the town with all that hot air leaking from your mouth," Puck said.

Rachel glared at him.

Puck sighed and he knew that Rachel will get all smug on him alter but…

"Here kid. Get that flour," Pucks aid shoving a bill under the kid's nose. The kid looked up with a look of shock and gratefulness on his face. He slowly took it and said, "Thanks mister."

Rachel raised a brow.

"You're real nice," the kid said before entering the convenience store.

"Nice guys finish last…?"

"Save it," Puck grumbled.

"But I thought—''

"Nice guys do finish last," Puck said and Rachel frowned. Puck strikes to her as a guy that was too concerned of his outside appearance and reputation. But Rachel knew (and today was a fine example) that Puck was truly a nice guy and as always he is trying to hide it behind his badass persona. Rachel had to admit she was impressed with Puck. And attracted somewhat.

Whoa.

Hold that thought.

She's like to rephrase that.

She was amazed at how nice and sweet Puck really is.

"But they get a warm feeling in their stomach that a badass just can't get."

And Puck wasn't sure what that smile tugging on Rachel's lips meant but Rachel would like to rephrase her staement.

She was amazed at how nice and sweet Puck really is.

And attracted somewhat.

Only somewhat, mind you.

In a friendly sort of way.

In a I'm-proud-that-he's-actually-gone-beyond-his-bad-guy-exterior sort of way.

As they all gathered in hsi truck again Puck smiled, "You know that feeling in your stomach is like a good dose of chronic lady. I think I'll try ebign nice more often."

…

_Thanks for the reviews!!!! I Next update might be tomorrow or on Sunday! Keep on reviewing! _


	10. Tango Fever

**Tango Fever**

Rachel had always taken measures to prepare herself for the gruesome world of fame and fortune. She had tolerated her personal stalker (Jacob Ben-Israel) in order to prepare herself for unexpected and unwanted paparazzo. She tolerated Glee Club where her talent was under appreciated since it was the only outlet in school where she could develop her vocal chords (not that there was anything left to develop: it was perfect). She tolerated slushie facials everyday (although strangely Noah hasn't slushied her in awhile) so that she may be able to channel her angst and torment into a future role (she suspects that it will be helpful when she plays a confused drug addict) that will win her an Academy Award.

Rachel has also planned how her famous life will be in the future. By twenty three she would've won a Tony. By twenty five she would do a nude scene to make sure she wasn't typecast. By twenty-six she would have been married to Finn but since he's a bit grumpy and prone to lashing out (therefore an early divorce might be and that would not do wonders in her career) she planned on marrying someone Italian or someone whose name went along the lines of Edward or Agosto or Alessandro or….Joe (don't ask her that one).The by the time she was on the peak of her career she'd have children. Three to be exact. All whose names will be Jewish.

Rachel had been busy warming up her voice when Mercedes, the school's second biggest gossip (she can't top Kurt) came in telling that this one singer got fired just because she couldn't dance.

Rachel was pretty certain that she was a good dancer. She had done ballet and tap dance and she knew that it would be great on her resume. But the problem was the actress got fired because she can't _tango_.

Well, Rachel Berry won't have that.

Sure, her parents are in dire need of money and that they can't afford any extra expenses but Rachel had worked just too hard to let her future career go down the drain.

Rachel Berry will tango.

…

"You want me to what?!" Puck yelled.

"Oh Noah, don't overreact. It's just one afternoon," Rachel shrugged.

"Remember the last afternoon? Where pee-pee kid peed on my baby's leather seats?" Puck growled.

"It's just one afternoon okay? You can wait in the reception area," Rachel said as she filed in the truck.

"Why are you leaving me with these cannibals to have a mango lessons?" Puck asked as jumped in his truck.

"_Tango _Noah. And it's because I have worked a great deal and sacrificed a lot of my vigor to make sure that I will have an evident career in both the music, Broadway and movie industry and I will not let something as trivial as tango lessons get in the way of my fame! And furthermore it is wrong and crude to call them cannibals. I expect that you don't even comprehend what the true meaning of cannibals is!" Rachel said talking really fast.

"Ugh. My ears hurt with all your talking—''

"You can mock me whatever but one day I'll be famous and you'll be begging for my autograph since it will sell at least ten thousand on ebay! And I might add that that insult is getting rather stale!" Rachel grumped.

"Huh?" Puck said confused.

"Never mind. Just know that I have just insulted you," Rachel said.

"So what are cannibals?"

"They eat humans."

"Oh. I thought that they were another name for monkeys."

"You never cease to amaze me with your stupidity."

"Why do I have to be stuck with them!? What about the whole 50-50 effort or 75-25 paycheck?"

"As much as it pains me to say, it will apply for today."

"Awesome!"

"Why can't they stay in your house anyway?" Rachel asked.

"No. Okay, kids, ground rules in riding my baby. First," Puck said turning at Jon Dent.

"No going to pee-pee land okay?"

Jon nodded.

"And…?" Rachel prodded.

"That's about it," Puck admitted.

"That's all your rules?" Rachel said raising a brow.

"Pretty much. Oh…and don't destroy my baby," Puck warned.

"You're forgetting one very important rule," Rachel grumbled.

"And that is?"

"Don't forget seatbelts," Rachel added.

"Oh, right."

…

The Dance Center was empty and it seemed that Rachel was the only one present. She knew that she would have to use most of the money she earned but it would be tiny compared to the fortune she'll amass when she's won three Academy Awards and at least five Grammies and maybe a fair amount of Tony awards.

"I'll go change," Rachel said.

Rachel took about twenty-five minutes to change and the children were getting restless so Puck just gave them rocks to play with.

"Hey Berry! Hurry up!" Puck said banging on the dressing room door.

_Bang!_

Puck stumbled back as Rachel opened the door. He was about to shout when Rachel suddenly came out. Her hair was tied into a neat bun and she was wearing this dress which was pretty hot. It was way above the knee and it was strapless and midnight black.

"What the fuck is that?" Puck asked dumbfounded.

"This happens to be my tango outfit," Rachel said rolling her eyes.

As she shoved stuff into her bag Puck couldn't help staring at Rachel's ass. She was busy trying to get one of her socks to fit when she suddenly paused.

"Are you….examining my lower exterior?' Rachel said raising a brow.

"If you mean I'm checking out your ass, I'm not," Puck said rather nervously. Well he was checking out her ass but he did not want Rachel to know how…hot she was right now and how…she made him feel. In that dress. With her ass sticking out as she kept on bending down.

She soon stood up and flounced past him.

"The lady said that I should wait in the room. My instructor would be late for awhile," Rachel said entering the room.

Damn, her ass was hot.

…

Rachel Berry will pay.

She will pay with hell.

And torture.

And everything in between.

He couldn't believe she left him with these…these CANNIBALS!

Okay, how was he supposed to know that rocks aren't toys? Samson cut himself. He wasn't too well with cleansing wounds so he ended up making it worse and the receptionist had to interfere after seeing all the blood on the floor. Then the receptionist got all grouchy and said that she'll call social services if he can't take better care of the kids.

Please, it was just one measly cut. Hardly anything to cry about.

Okay maybe it was pretty big.

But he already bribed Samson not to tell his parents.

But he was still hung up about the social services thing so he offered to scrub the floor to erase evidence.

Stupid Berry. Leaving him with children.

After he just cleaned off the blood, Jon Dent peed. Again.

Then the receptionist lost it. She yelled at him and he ended up cleaning pee also. After that everyone started crying and he was tempted to let them play with rocks again.

Then when he got everyone to shut up Jon Dent did it again.

Only he didn't pee.

He pooped.

In his underwear.

The receptionist made him clean it up and that was the most mortifying experience ever. Anyway since they can't use his boxer or pants anymore, since it was smeared with a mixture of poop and pee Puck decided to let him, just parade around without it. But after doing a double take Puck decided it was bad idea since there were girls and all.

So he decided to make him some pants out of tissue except it looked more like a skirt.

The receptionist totally freaked but after calming her down and telling her that _at least _he gave the kid some sort of lower clothing so he won't be exposing his…thing.

The receptionist agreed.

But now people the children kept on asking Jon Dent, why he was wearing a skirt.

And Jon cried.

And he cried to Puck.

And Puck was pissed.

"Skirts are manly," was all Puck could say before crashing on the couch.

…

Rachel had started her lessons with some dude with chest hairs and long hair.

Tango was so hot.

Rachel was so hot.

Whoa.

No way.

That was gross.

Rachel Berry, hot?

Well, she is hot.

But just mildly.

Okay, smokin'.

Fine, sizzlin' hot!

Puck really appreciates that no one can read his mind.

But even though he was checking out on her again he still hadn't forgiven her for leaving him with the cannibals.

And getting him to clean poop.

Which left him traumatized by the way.

They were supposed to be in a partnership. Berry just can't go abandoning him just so she'll be famous and all that shit. Partners look out for each other. Does she not remember the time when he crowned that Kyle guy because he was totally lusting on her?

Talk about is why revenge is in need.

He looked around for a perfect way to extract revenge when an idea entered his mind.

And it was good.

…

First phase of the plan was to get Fabio (the name of Rachel's tango instructor) out of the dance room. It wasn't that hard. Jon Dent peed again and it got his tissue skirt all wet and you know how sloppy wet tissue could be.

It started to peel off showing his thing and the receptionist was hysterical.

Puck made sure to be in the bathroom Jon Dent peed so the receptionist won't make him clean it up and since the receptionist did not want to clean up after him in the boy's bathroom and Jon didn't want to go in the girl's bathroom she called Fabio.

Fabio was so not happy but he agreed.

It would take about half an hour to clean him up and find enough tissue to make a skirt so phase one is complete.

...

Phase two was to get a costume like Fabio's.

But there was no way Puck was going to where something as prissy as what Fabio wore so he decided to get rid of Phase two and just get to phase three.

…

Phase three was to lock Fabio up in the bathroom with Jon Dent.

Pretty easy.

Gagging him was supposed to be part of the plan but Puck figured it was against the law or something.

After tinkering with the lock he waited for a few moments.

He probably wouldn't scream now because he'd be too preoccupied making a skirt out of tissues to cover Jon's thing.

Phase three is complete.

...

Phase four was to make a few phone calls.

It was pretty hard since the receptionist won't let him use the phone. But he got to use it after he got his sister to pretend that she broke her wrist.

Phase four was complete.

…

Phase five was the most awesome part of the plan.

To humiliate Berry!

Puck knew that it won't be half as satisfying since he's audience was limited to the receptionist and the children but he'll take it.

"Noah! What are you doing here! And where's my dance instructor!?" Rachel demanded.

"And who's he?" she asked as a fat man came balling in.

"The receptionist told me to tell you that Fabio got…tied up so he's your new dance instructor," Puck said.

"Okay…what's his name?" Rachel said looking unimpressed.

"Jane," Puck said.

"Isn't that a girl's—''

"Don't ask or he might bowl you over."

"And why are you here?" Rachel demanded.

"'Cause the guy has this allergy that keeps him from touching people so you know, and since I'm the only guy in here who's not three feet I'm your new dance partner," Puck said.

"And what's the allergy called?"

Puck panicked. He hadn't thought about this.

"It's…um….touch—itis."

"Touchitis?"

"Yeah. You can totally look it up. In the encyclopedia," Puck said trying to show bravado.

Rachel looked at them warily but after ten seconds she smiled.

She turned at Jane and said, "Take it away."

…

"Okay…the first thing you need to know about tango is….it's about drugs," Jane said, his stomach jingling.

"Drugs?" Rachel said raising a brow.

Behind her Puck tried to stifle a laugh.

"Yeah. So when you dance with Puckerman….you must dance with him as if you're in high and on crack—''

"Excuse me, Mr. Jane but I find that thought appalling," Rachel said raising her hand up.

"Don't question my expertise," Jane said.

"All right…when you mean…drugs …do you mean… this?"

And with that Rachel stepped on Puck's foot.

"What the—''

"Or this!" Rachel said giving Puck a hard punch on the arm.

"Or maybe this!" she yelled kicking him on his manly area.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'll tell you what. You locked my dance instructor somewhere, hired this charlatan to con me into thinking he was a real dance instructor, made up a ridiculous disease named touch-itis and you tried to humiliate me by making me dance like an idiot in front of the children and the receptionist!" Rachel hissed.

Puck was beyond himself with shock.

"How did you—''

"Next time you plan on debasing me I suggest that you don't mock me with a plan that goes beyond the realm of stupidity and being moronic if that is even possible because this is the most rudimentary plan I have ever seen. Do not dare insult my intelligence," Rachel said before storming off to free her dance instructor.

Jane just looked at him.

"That was pretty stupid. Touch-it is?"

"Shut up," Puck groaned.

…

_Thanks for all the reviews! Someone told me that I should make a fluff chapter but somehow nothing has struck me yet. Next update might be in a while since its Holy Week next week. Keep reviewing!_


	11. Things Revealed

**Things Revealed**

His friends were getting suspicious. And they have every right to be. For one thing he hasn't been to fight club in weeks, he hasn't talked and hanged out much with Mike and Matt, he hasn't banged a girl in months(don't ask him how they found out about that one) and he hasn't slushied Rachel Berry lately. Puck had already told all of them that Rachel earned his respect after she learned how to play the guitar and shit and everyone knew how much Puck respects anyone who can gun it on a guitar like a pro but that's not what's making them suspicious.

They say that he's been _nice_ to Rachel. He had no idea where they got that notion since he's been ignoring Rachel and Rachel's been ignoring him. They had already some to an agreement that they during school hours they were going to pretend that they didn't no each other. Anyway the guys pointed out that Puck hasn't teased or psychologically tortured her in weeks.

Puck didn't really care at this point. He was tired. He had to tell his mother sooner or later that she'll be a grandmother who will have a _non-Jewish _grandchild since Quinn was about to give birth next month. Quinn was living with Kurt but that doesn't mean she can't make his life seem like hell. She kept calling him every waking minute pressuring him about bills and the big revelation to his mother. Then there was this whole adoption issue. Quinn found adopting parents but to be able to give the baby away legally both parents have to sign and there hell was no way Puck was going to sign that paper.

And now both he and Quinn were on edge with each other and whenever Quinn talks to him it ends up in an argument. Another thing was his grades.

He knew it sounded crazy but Puck actually cared about his grades.

After seeing a documentary about teenage and unexpectant parents.

He needed to get to college to get this thing to work and to get to college he needed good grades and he's been slacking off on his schoolwork since freshman year so it was pretty difficult to catch up.

Then the adoption issue just kept coming back. After seeing the documentary he saw how difficult it would be for the kid, mentally and emotionally. He spent restless nights trying to get the right decision but he hasn't come to any conclusion yet. And he had to think fast since Quinn told him that the adopting parents won't wait forever and unless the papers are signed before the baby is born then there will be no adopting parents.

"Stop being selfish and start thinking about what's best for her," Quinn had hissed into his ear after Spanish class.

To help make his decision better he borrowed a book about adopted kids and the psychological effect it had on them from being adopted. Puck was horrified to learn that some kids get feelings of abandonment and there was no way Puck was going to leave his girl feeling abandoned.

Then there was his mother again. His mother has already been through lots of heartbreak and dropping the bomb that she will be a grandmother soon was not easy. Sure she might take it well if Rachel was the mother and the baby was Jewish. That was what she wanted after all (_"Just think. I could see it now. A thousand Jewish Babies") _but the mom was Quinn not Rachel and what was worse: she was not Jewish.

Then there was Rachel. Again. She's been pressuring him a lot about the babysitting club since he wasn't always there and he's always late and stuff. And she talks to him about these things in school in plain sight which make the guys more suspicious but Puck doesn't care.

His brain was ready to explode so he let Rachel prattle him until Rachel told him that she'll fire him or something. That's when he started showing up again.

"That is it Noah Puckerman! I am absolutely annoyed by your pensiveness and ambiguity and although I admit that I have superior childcare knowledge we are still in a partnership therefore the effort must be _equal,"_ Rachel yelled at Puck who was getting sleepier.

"Do you understand me!? I am upset, angered and extremely infuriated and unless you stop dawdling and actually start giving some effort I will—''

"STOP!" Puck said holding a hand up.

Rachel scrunched her eyes up.

"You can yell at me. You can bitch on me. But please, don't ever threaten that you'll fire me," Puck said trying to keep calm.

"And why not?" Rachel demanded.

"Because one: we're partners and two: I just need the fucking job, okay?" Puck said breaking out. But instead of yelling and chewing Berry out like he expected, tears came out.

Rachel stepped back startled.

"First there's my mom, then the whole fucking adoption, then my stupid ass grades, then my popularity and my reputation! I don't know what to do and the baby's coming next month and I swear the bills keep getting longer and my guilt's getting bigger and the adoption paper's deadline is getting nearer and I just don't know what to do!" Puck said. The children looked at him fearfully.

Rachel all prodded them into the other room before returning to look at Puck cautiously for awhile.

Rachel warily approached him and patted his back.

"I had no idea—''

"Then when this is over I'll be a social reject!" Puck groaned.

"What? No! You'll always be popular and…feared…you've always been. It's like you said. You could wear a dress and people would think it's cool," Rachel said trying to comfort him.

"They're beginning to suspect…," Puck mumbled.

"I am so sorry, Noah. I had no idea. I'll stop talking to you in public and we can discuss about the babysitting thing in a dark secluded area perhaps—''

"Stop talking," Puck said raising a hand up.

Rachel frowned.

"I am just trying to be of assistance. Stop being so condescending and for once put aside you irritation of me to accept this proposal of support and friendship," Rachel snapped.

"I'm just trying to tell you that I actually like babysitting and I'm not ashamed to be seen on public with you or anything. Screw public appearances. I have bigger shit to worry about," Puck said.

Rachel smiled and said, "I never thought that Noah Puckerman could cry." He really was more than his tough guy shell and exterior.

"I'm still human Berry. If you ever say anything I swear I'll—''

"Please, Noah! You know me better than that," Rachel snapped.

But Puck didn't answer. He was already sleeping.

…

It was a little embarrassing breaking down and crying in front of Berry. If he was going to break down and cry couldn't it be in front of someone with amnesia? Anyway he had to hand it to Rachel. After the whole incident she pretended as if nothing happened and she actually offered to let him sleep through this babysitting session. Puck was pretty grateful and he swore to himself that he'll be a lot nicer to Rachel.

"What?" Puck asked as Rachel shook him.

"You've been asleep for thirty minutes and the children are getting slightly out of hand. Jon Dent urinated again. I think we should see his parents and—''

"What the hell?!" Puck yelled annoyed to be woken from his sleep. He had a nightmare. Quinn had given birth to a baby with a Mohawk and the weird part was, the baby was as small as an egg. And Puck kept it in his backpack and locker and then he almost lost it. After that it turned out that Quinn found it and she was going to give it away to a couple and the tiny egg baby was screaming, "Daddy! Daddy!"

"I am sorry! But you seemed to have a very dreadful and lurid nightmare as you were screaming and yelling in such a horrendous manner. Also, the children have gone way too frenzied and manic for me to handle…." Rachel said.

"That was the worse dream ever," Puck grumbled ignoring Rachel.

Rachel raised a brow.

"What was it about," Rachel asked.

"Not much….I can't remember. All I know was that it was really creepy. I mean nothing scares me," Puck said rubbing his forehead.

"Hmmm…I have an idea," Rachel said running upstairs.

Puck groaned. This baby thing was affecting him more than he can imagine. Rachel came back with a book that read "**Hypnosis for Dummies". **

"Hypnosis is very effective despite many academic's and scholar's claim. There was an experiment conducted about this once, about hypnosis on National Geographic and this experiment coincidentally was about a man who had lots of nightmarish dreams," Rachel said flipping the book open.

"You're going to try that on me with a book for…dummies?" Puck asked incredulously.

"Please Noah. _For Dummies_ is an extensive series of instructional books which are intended to present non-intimidating guides for readers new to the various topics covered. Despite the title, their publisher takes pains to emphasize that the books are not literally for dummies," Rachel said quickly.

"Yeah but if you're going to hypnotize me or something don't you need like a degree for shrinks or a TV show like Criss Angel?" Puck asked.

"Hence the For Dummies book. I've told you that they provide non-intimidating guides for readers on various topics. These were written by experts, simplified for better understanding to the masses. Perhaps this dream of yours is a message of God and this might be a basis for your decision on the whole adoption concern," Rachel said book marking a particular page.

Puck rubbed his chin. Rachel could be right. It could be a message from God.

"Fine! But can't we give it a test run at one of the kids?"

"Noah! I am ashamed of you! They're just children!" Rachel frowned.

"Look, my life is miserable enough as it is. I don't want you messing up my brain. Why don't we try it on pee-pee kid? He needs therapy anyway," Puck said defensively.

Rachel frowned and she looked as if she was mulling it over.

"Very well…Jon!" Rachel called.

Jon came scuttling in and Rachel took out a big heavy necklace from her pocket. The necklace was silver and its pendant was a big round rose-colored quartz.

"A necklace?"

"I don't have a pocket watch!" Rachel cried frustrated.

Jon looked at both of them with frightened eyes.

"Don't worry sweetie, we won't hurt you. We're just going to help you with your…problem..," Rachel said shuffling his hair and coaxing him with a sweet voice. Puck had to admit, Rachel sure knew how to sweet-talk around children.

"I have a problem?" Jon asked curiously.

Puck rolled his eyes before muttering something unintelligible. Rachel slapped his stomach before carrying Jon to a sofa.

"Now…you just stay there okay sweetie and me and Noah will put you into….sort of sleep okay? Don't' fuss okay? We'll get ice cream after this okay?" Rachel said.

Jon nodded. Puck smiled at Rachel's clever machinations.

"Now…look at the big, shiny necklace and just keep looking at it okay?" Rachel said swinging it left to right. Jon did as Rachel said.

"Okay, sweetie I want you to be truthful. Be truthful and I'll get you ice cream….okay? Do you feel sleepy?" she asked.

"Yes," Jon said in a monotone voice and seconds later his eyes were blank.

"Did it work?" Puck asked.

"I'm sure it did. Okay, we need to ask him a question that we already know the answer to, just to be sure," Rachel said.

She faced Jon and said, "Okay, sweetie, what's your name?"

"Jonathan…..Jonathan….Mathew…Dent….," he said groggily as if he's just been awaken from sleep.

"It works," Rachel nodded.

"I'll as the next question! What do you think of Noah? Is he awesome? Is he better than Rachel?" Puck asked elbowing Rachel out of the way.

"Noah…..stupid… ….a…monkey brain…silly haircut…," Jon said.

Rachel and all the other children laughed. Puck crossed his arms.

"What do you think of Rachel?" asked Rachel.

"Pretty…nice….reminds me…..of…my…..grandma….clothes….," Jon said.

Rachel looked annoyed while Puck laughed.

"That wasn't funny!" Rachel snapped.

Puck laughed.

"At least he called me pretty instead of monkey brain," Rachel said smugly.

"I'll have you know…monkeys are very smart!" Puck shot back.

"But not within the level of human intelligence," Rachel answered.

"Okay, my turn—''

"No! The whole point of putting him in a hypnotic state is to find the root problem as to why he keeps on urinating to test if this can actually solve your problem with the adoption," Rachel snapped.

Puck cringed at the reminder.

"Okay Jon, have you urinated recently?"

Jon looked confused in his hypnotized stare.

"Have you _peed_ recently?' Puck asked again.

"Yes….on….carpet….the one that….looks….like…people….threw up….on…it," Jon mumbled.

Rachel looked offended.

"That carpet was a very important Asian—''

She was interrupted by Puck's laughter.

"So why do you pee?" asked Puck getting to the point.

"Pee…..when…I'm…nervous….especially…..around….Leah," Jon muttered.

"You have the hots for my sister?" Puck roared.

"She's…pretty…," Jon mumbled.

Behind Rachel Leah blushed.

"I swear I'll—''

"It's just puppy love Puck," Rachel said smugly remembering the whole Jerald, Jeffery or Jerome incident.

Puck rolled his eyes and said, "I want you to make him normal again!"

Rachel rolled her eyes before facing Jon again and saying in a sweet voice, "Okay, sweetie when I snap my fingers you won't be sleepy anymore okay?"

Jon nodded and Rachel snapped his fingers. The moment Jon was normal he hopped off the couch and stared at Leah who was looking at him with a weird expression. He began to look nervous again.

"Watch out punk," Puck threatened catching Jon's stare. Rachel seated him on the couch.

"Wait."

"What?"

"I don't like this. What if I say something…secret?"

"What could you possibly hide?"

"I'm just asking!"

"Fine! Then I give you my solemn promise that I will not ask any private questions," Rachel said raising her right hand up.

"Swear?"

"Yes!"

"Fine."

…

It had taken a long time before Puck could fall into a trance and when he did he had this strange lovesick expression on his face.

"What's your name?" Rachel asked.

"Noah…..Puckerman…..." Puck answered.

Rachel smiled satisfied. She was about to ask him about his dream when curiosity overcame her. She knew she promised but she can't help herself.

"Noah, what do you think of Rachel?"

"She has….pretty…eyes….and….hot…legs….nice…ass," Puck mumbled.

Rachel was flattered but slightly repulsed. Puck has been checking out on her ass?

She was tempted to ask more questions but the dream was really important so she asked him what his dream was about. His dream was as disturbing as he mentioned.

"Do you want to give the baby up?"

"No…but….I….want her….to…have…..a…better….life….better father…but…"

"But?"

"Don't…want…baby….to….feel abandoned……."

Rachel's eyes softened. Is this really the same Puck who threw slushies in her face? Who knew that he actually cared that much.

"I see," Rachel nodded. She was really tempted to ask on last question. It was just one more question so it doesn't matter right?

"How come you haven't thrown slushies on Rachel?" Rachel demanded.

"Cause…..she….can…play…guitar…..and…..I….like….her…"

Puck didn't finish since Jon Dent peed again on Samson's shoes. Samson in his disgust and panic fell backwards pushing Rachel towards Puck causing Rachel to stumble on Puck.

"What the hell?" Puck said waking up from his trance. Rachel was on his lap rubbing her head. Puck still wasn't sure how Berry made it into his lap but he wasn't complaining.

…

Finn had been to Rachel's house only once, when she invited him over to work on their glee club thing. Today he was filling in for Tony, his friend who had a pizza delivery job. The next address was in Rachel's house and she had ordered a veggie pizza. He really likes Rachel and he hoped to ask her on a date. He's been ringing the doorbell three times now so he decided to juts peer on the window.

And that's when he saw it. Rachel was sitting on Puck's lap! And the weird thing was that there were lots of kids.

Finn lost it. Puck took everything. First Quinn, then his kid (okay, he knew that it wasn't his in the first place but still), then Rachel! There is no way Finn would stand for this. He rang the doorbell repeatedly before the door was opened by Puck.

That's when Finn pushed Puck out of the way to look for Rachel.

"What the fuck?"

"You already have Quinn. You want to get Rachel too!" Finn yelled storming into the house, completely forgetting the pizza.

"Look man—'' Puck said trying to explain but Finn was yelling at him not giving him a chance to speak. Puck would have totally explained but Finn was being such a PMSing pansy that he decided to poke some fun.

While Finn was busy ranting he slowly slid away to the other room where the kids were and whispered something to them. Finn stormed is way over to Puck and snapped, "What's with you and Rachel?"

"You weren't supposed to see man…..I'm sorry," Puck said shaking his head.

"See what?"

"Me and Berry together. We're engaged in a secret relationship," Puck said casually.

"What? But, you throw slushies at her in school!" Finn said trying desperately to comprehend.

"That's why it's secret duh. In fact we're married and we have nine kids together," Puck said.

"What? But some of these kids are like nine years old " Finn said getting more and more confused.

"Yeah, we're both Jewish so our parents had an arranged marriage for both of us. We're married for sixteen years," Puck nodded seeing the priceless look on Finn's face.

"But that means—''

"Yup we were married since we were one year old although we didn't do it until we were fifteen," Puck said, He was glad that Finn was stupid when it comes to Math.

"Then those kids—''

"Are our offsprings. I'm just sad that no one's go my Mohawk,' Puck nodded. The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of having Rachel as a wife.

Whoa.

Hold it.

He never said or even thought about that.

He tried to hold his laughter as Finn asked the kids who he already coerced into lying for him. He honestly could not believe how dumb Finn is. Even Puck wasn't that dumb.

Finn was looking frustrated. He looked like he was about to strangle Puck. In that moment Rachel came down. She had gone to her room to take some aspirin since she apparently knocked noggins with Puck's head. Rachel went down to find a very purple-faced Finn.

"Rachel how could you keep this a secret from everyone?" Finn demanded.

"Keep what a secret?" Rachel said confused.

"Don't play with me like everyone else! You and Puck! You could have at least told me you were married! And that you have nine children! And don't you want a divorce after he committed adultery on you? Isn't that like, against Moses?" Finn babbled.

Rachel looked confused.

"What on earth are you implying?"

"You and Puck. Married! He told me!" Finn said before turning to look at the children. "They told me!"

Rachel glared at Puck who shrugged and who had a sudden desire to go to the bathroom.

"Finn…"Rachel said trying to be calm.

"I am not married to Puck, we have not undergone sexual intercourse to produce nine children and even if I was given the choice between Puck and a gorilla I would never choose Puck! The thought disgusts me and sends chills to my spine!" Rachel said.

"So you and Puck aren't—''

Rachel sighed at the stupidity of the love of her life.

"I see that Noah has degraded himself into pulling another idiotic caper although whatever led you to believe this drivel is beyond my comprehension. However I wish that you would take my word instead of the word of a man whose brain is about the size of a pea," Rachel breathed.

"Then the kids—''

"He obviously bribed them into partaking his hoax. Me and Noah are simply partners in a babysitting business and these are our clients," Rachel said.

It took Finn about ten minutes to sort everything out.

"Oh. I guess I was pretty stupid to believe that. So babysitting huh? Nothing is going on with you and Puck?" Finn asked.

"Not in the slightest."

"But I saw you on his lap."

"That was a rather unfortunate situation."

"Oh."

"Finn, how ever did you pass grade school?"

…

Puck waited in the bathroom trying to think of an escape rout. No doubt about ti Finn would strangle him when eh found out so he better think fats.

"Puck!"

Puck jumped. That was Finn's voice. Which means he's outside.

"Yeah?"

"I just want you to know that I haven't forgiven you yet."

"I noticed that. So will you kill me or something?"

"No. Rachel will do that. I'm here to give you like…a threat."

"What?"

"Stay away from Rachel."

Puck frowned.

"Huh?"

"Rachel can say all she wants but I saw her on your lap and you were making eyes on her. We've been friends for too long. I know when you like a girl just by the way you stare," Finn said.

Him make eyes on Berry? When hell freezes over. Finn was seriously ill.

"Get real! As if Berry is actually hot enough to make eyes on," Puck answered.

"I know how you are with girls. Rachel's special so stay away or I swear…I'll kill you and I mean it," Finn said before Puck could here footsteps clacking away.

Something snapped inside Puck. Finn thought that Rachel was another girl. That Puck didn't respect her. Puck respected her and if he was going to make a move on her (but that won't happen) he'll treat her with respect and dignity because she deserves it.

"Screw Finn," Puck mumbled leaving the room.

When he was out he saw Rachel. Looking pissed.

"We're married huh? And we have nine Jewish Children?"

"I know babe. We need to do _it_ nine hundred ninety one times more since my mom was like aiming for a thousand," Puck smirked before ducking from the paperweight Rachel threw at him.

…

_Thanks for the reviews! Next update might be in awhile since it's already Holy Week! Keep reviewing. _


	12. Second Fiddle

**Second Fiddle**

Rachel thought that Finn was taking this entire babygate issue a rather childishly and a little too immature. It's been months now and Quinn is due to give birth next month. Although she knew that it had struck quite a blow on Finn she decided that he's been given ample time to let it go and move on a like mature person would. She didn't mean to sound nasty and unkind but she could think of better ways to cope—and it didn't involve being grumpy, despondent and being a purposely bad singer during every glee practice. Finn's lousy attitude was ruining the glee club's performances and her career indefinitely and she refused to stand for this.

But anyway it wasn't why Rachel wasn't the reason why Rachel was close to breaking down in the dressing room of a department store. Rather this was caused by one of Mr. Schuester's stupid and inane activities. Rachel couldn't understand why he felt the constant need to ruin her career with programs that were completely ludicrous and pointless.

Anyway after her stunning performance in another Invitational, a magazine editor has decided that he would like to do an article about their glee club along with a photo shoot on his next issue. Rachel planned something along the lines of sheer elegance and minimalist but as always Mr. Schuester decided that he would rather have a more unique photo shoot and unfortunately, he chose an underwater shoot.

Rachel protested this proposition profusely although it was to no avail. Mr. Schuester said that the decision was done and the editor had thought that it would be a splendid idea. The football players and the Cheerios were happy at the decision while the Glee Clubbers were less than ecstatic, especially Mercedes.

It wasn't that Rachel was insecure (she had a sufficient amount of confidence, thank you very much) but the thought of doing a photo shoot in skin tight fabric, underwater just made her uncomfortable and by the look in the faces of Kurt and Mercedes, they didn't enjoy it much either.

"Mr. Schue, I find this photo shoot absolutely ridiculous," Rachel said cornering Mr. Schuester from his Spanish class.

"Rachel, I don't have time for this," Mr. Schuester said trying to evade her.

"Well then, you must make time because I find this photo shoot idea of your extremely hypocritical. You chastised me for choreographing a performance that caused the hormones of the audience to run amuck along with fetid thoughts but now you plan on doing a photo shoot that produces the exact same results," Rachel said walking next to him in a fast pace.

"I already told everyone that I will not allow anything too skimpy. The boys will wear board shorts and the girls can only wear one-piece," Mr. Schuester picking his pace up.

"Then what about our self-esteem? All the glee clubbers seemed to dislike the idea," Rachel argued.

"Actually this helps the self-esteem Rachel. What could be a better confidence booster than getting out of your comfort zone?" Mr. Schuester said.

"Well what about Artie and Quinn?" she said running out of excuses.

Mr. Schuester stopped, rubbed his head and said, "I've discussed this with the editor and he said that instead of doing an underwater shoot we'd be doing a sort of 90210 shoot with some people in the water and some people lounging by—that includes Artie and Quinn."

"I find 90210 completely irrelevant to what our club is concerned about. It's a show about hormone induced teenagers who treat sex as something less than sacred," Rachel said.

"Look, Rachel. I know that you hate the photo shoot and I know that it might be risky doing it with that theme but I just want your other schoolmates to think you're cool. What's cooler than a pool and swimsuits?" Mr. Schuester asked.

As much as Rachel hated to admit it Mr. Schuester was right. Her Neanderthalish school mates would never appreciate a good photo unless it stirred up their hormones and a minimalist or Broadway styled photo would provoke taunts and vandalism.

"I suppose you're right," Rachel sighed.

"Just pick any swim suit you like. We don't have a particular wardrobe theme in mind," Mr. Schuester said.

"Agreed," Rachel nodded.

"Nothing too skimpy of course," Mr. Schuester joked.

"As if I would degrade myself into wearing something as such," Rachel said rolling her eyes.

Mr. Schuester smiled as Rachel began to walk away.

"Oh, wait. Rachel, I forgot to tell you something," he called.

Rachel turned around and approached him.

"Finn and Puck have been going at each other a lot more lately and…."

Rachel didn't bother to hear anything else he said. Like everything else, it was partially her fault. Finn still believed that something suspicious was going on between her and Puck (although she assures that nothing else but professionalism is going on) so he decided to employ himself into their business without pay.

Puck and Finn have made her babysitting business into some sort of competition against each other. They turned everything into a contest: who the children adore better, who is a better babysitter, who Rachel thinks is more competent. Although that was flattering it still caused a commotion in her business and she did not find that amusing.

The other part of the fault was Puck for making that imprudent concoction that they were married since one-year-old. And the part was Finn for being dim-witted enough to believe Puck's hoax. The only reason why it was partly her fault was because she suggested that ridiculous hypnosis idea that ended her up in Puck's lap.

"And I was wondering if you might have anything to do with it?"

"I am offended by your accusation that any hindrance glee club encounters is caused by me!" Rachel said although it was sort of true.

"Oh. Sorry. It's just that Regionals is coming up and unless Finn and Puck get their act together then we might not make it into any place," he shrugged before moving along.

Rachel considered what he said for a moment and decided that Mr. Schuester was right.

And Finn finding her on Puck's lap that day was a blessing from God since if it weren't for that, she wouldn't be able to make an excuse to get them to work with each other.

She'll get Finn and Puck to be friends again.

Sure, that sounded impossible.

But Rachel Berry never backs down from a challenge.

…

Finn gets everything.

And Puck gets nothing.

He gets the girl (Quinn), the adoration, the sympathy, the other girl (he means Rachel but he doesn't care), he even gets the gay guy (cough*Kurt*cough). It wasn't fair. What was it with Finn that made everyone worship him? Puck has better guns, looks better and though he might not be Einstein he was still smarter than Finn. And yet girls fawn over him. It wasn't fair.

Anyway Finn didn't tell anyone in their school (being the disgustingly nice guy he was) so their babysitting secret was saved.

But Puck has other things to worry about aside from Finn. After the whole announcement about the photo shoot Puck was really excited. Not because he had a chance to show of his awesome body in front of Finn's skinny frame (although he was pretty excited to see the expression of Rachel's face when—oh, fuck no. He doesn't care what Rachel might look like when she sees his abs—okay, he'll just stop) but he's excited to see how Rachel will look like in a bathing suit.

But that's only because he wants to see her outside her good girl clothes.

Not that he wanted to check her out or anything.

Anyhow Rachel picked the most untimely time to shop for her bathing suit because it was during one of their sessions! Rachel refused to leave him in her house alone so she demanded that he must go to the mall with all the kids. And Finn who was still dumb enough to think that Rachel and him were secretly married went along.

At first Puck refused to enter a chick store that sold bathing suit but now he felt this weird feeling in his heart. Finn, being the _sweet _douche that he was, he offered to help pick Rachel's bathing suit. Brittany was with them and Finn said that she would need a man's opinion.

Puck was tired of being second choice. He's tired of being the guy Quinn's _settling _with and not because she likes him. It's because of the baby and that just sucks being second choice.

And what was worse was that the kids were dumped onto him.

Well, Noah Puckerman won't settle for that.

…

Rachel's plan hadn't worked out accordingly. Finn was supposed to be embarrassed to enter a girl's shop so he must be forced to wait outside with Noah and they can be friends again but as always, Finn was being noble so he entered the shop with Brittany.

Brittany was actually very sweet and kind and she and Rachel formed a secret friendship ever since Brittany found Rachel playing Dance Dance Revolution in the arcade. It was rather embarrassing that she had been found associated with something as uncouth as the arcade but Brittany was real nice about it. She actually didn't share the same sentiments with Quinn and Santana and she thought that Rupaul was her second name which is why she called Rachel that.

After Rachel kindly explained that Rupaul was actually an insult and being seen with her was a social death sentence Brittany just shrugged and said, "Then I guess we should have like….a secret friendship, you know?"

She had sworn Brittany into secrecy that she must no tell about her and Puck's babysitting business under any circumstances. It took awhile for it to sink in Brittany's brain and Puck had to say what Rachel said again, only with a much simpler vocabulary. Brittany was really cool with it.

Rachel was quite fine with that. She was actually a more enjoyable company than her fellow gleeks. Right now, she was sorting through the pile she has gathered. They were simple one-piece pieces that were daring but in no way indecent. There was a black bathing suit that was strapless, a tankini that was halter-like, a purple one that showed just the right amount of cleavage and her favorite as of now, a white one that has a big gaping hole in the middle that shows of her flat belly.

Brittany has already chosen hers: also a one piece as mandated by Mr. Schue although it was a bit risqué since the cleavage plunged down really low, making one slight gesture prone to her boobs being shown.

Rachel had tried all but Brittany said that she looked so "antique and virgin-like and so not hot enough for a photo shoot" and Finn agreed. Rachel pointed out that she wanted to look conservative and looking hot was not the point of the shoot but Brittany wouldn't here the end of it.

"Try these Rachel," she said handing two bathing suits to her.

The first was a white two-piece tankini although it didn't look too lewd. The top was one shoulder with the sleeve being held by a gold clasp and it showed just a peek of her belly and the bottom was pair of short shorts. The second one looked like a bathing suit for a hooker. It was black, strapless _and _backless and Rachel was sure that when she would try it on; the suit would fall out, showing her boobs.

"I think I like the white one," she said putting the black one aside. She entered the dressing room and there was no denying it she found the perfect swimsuit. She opened the door slightly so only Finn and Brittany could see.

Finn nodded in approval while Brittany squealed in delight.

"It's so you!" she said.

"Yeah, it looks good on you," Finn nodded.

"Thank you," Rachel smiled closing the door to change.

After she finished changing she went outside. Brittany threw the black swimsuit at her.

"Brittany, I've already made it clear that I do not think that this swimsuit is appropriate," she hissed.

It took about ten minutes before Brittany answered.

"I don't understand what you've just said but just try it on. You'll look hot on it," Brittany urged.

"I will look like a pornographic star!" she hissed.

Ten minutes again….

"It means stripper," Finn said.

"Ohh….Well…don't think that. Just think of your hotness. Try it on, it's not as if someone you know will see you," Brittany chirped.

"But—''

"Aside from me and Finn of course but I'm like a girl so I won't get turned on and Finn's like a…. gentleman and Puck's outside so you have totally nothing to fear," Brittany said.

"Yeah, Rach. Just try it," Finn urged.

Feeling overpowered Rachel sighed and nodded. She went inside again and placed the swimsuit on. She looked at the mirror. Brittany was right. She looked gorgeous but she also looked extremely slutty. She was just happy that the children were outside, safe from her extremely sexy (and revealing) swimsuit.

Taking a deep breath she opened the door expecting to see Finn and Brittany's faces but instead Noah was there…with the children. Puck's jaw dropped and so did Finn's and Brittany just hopped in delight while the children stared.

"Cover their eyes!" Rachel yelled prompting the gaze of everyone in the store.

Brittany looked confused and she covered her eyes with her hands. Finn, seeing Brittany cover her eyes covered his too. Puck who was the only one who actually had a brain covered the eyes of Jon Dent and Leah who were the closest to him as Rachel closed the door.

"What happened?" Finn said confused as a palm shadowed his eyes.

"Their eyes stupid not yours!" Puck cried.

Brittany removed her hand.

"Oh. Sorry, I thought that Rachel wanted our eyes covered cause it was too propographic."

"What?" Puck said.

"You know…a stripper," Brittany informed.

"What was Rachel wearing?" one of the children asked.

"Um…she was wearing…..a wrestler's outfit!" Puck said thinking fast. What a dumb excuse. So lame.

But so effective.

"Really?"

"Cool!"

"Awesome!"

Puck sighed in relief.

Only Brittany and Finn were left confused.

Brittany scratched her head.

"But I thought that that was a swimsuit."

…

Rachel was so hot. Like Santana hot! Puck was reeling from his little sideshow with Rachel and he could still feel his blood pumping. That girl could make him want to light himself on fire and she was so hot.

Finn's face was red and he wandered outside.

But he hasn't completely forgotten the children. Brittany was kneeling down talking to the children.

"Oh no. Rachel's so not a wrestler—''

Puck cut her off by sending signals.

A look of realization dawned on Brittany's face.

"Ooohh….Rachel's totally a wrestler. She plays for the Lakers," Brittany said.

Puck slapped his head.

"But I thought the Lakers were a basketball team," Samson frowned.

"The Lakers Wrestling Unit isn't. Seesh, where are you living? The stone age?" Puck chuckled elbowing Brittany away. Brittany was hot but sometimes, she was about as smart as a bunch of sticks.

"The Lakers Wrestling Unit. In that ring, they call Rachel, Berry McFarty Fart," Puck said.

"Really?" they all said.

"But isn't fart like…a type of diamond?" Brittany asked with a confused look.

"No Brittany. Fart is when you poop in gas form," Puck said through gritted teeth.

"Ohh…."

"So why do they call her Berry McFarty Fart cause fart is smelly and Rachel's not smelly?" Janny asked.

"Yeah, Rachel smells like…Jasmine. We have the same lotion," Brittany said.

Rachel smells like Jasmine? Puck didn't know that. He might smell her….

Oh no.

He's at it again.

Who cares how Berry smells?

Not him.

"No they call her that 'cause before she slams her opponent with her killer legs—''

"Oh, Rachel doesn't have killer legs. She has nice, slender legs…" Brittany interrupted.

"Fine! They call her Berry McFarty Fart because she farts on her opponent sending them to La-La Land before crushing their upper bodies with her _nice and slender _legs," Puck said.

Samson looked skeptical.

"Rachel can fart?"

…

Rachel listened at another one of Noah's ridiculous tales and Brittany's naiveté. She was annoyed at being dubbed Berry McFarty Fart but she had more pressing problems than to mull over another inane story Puck has come up. In her haste to get rid of the swimsuit form her body she accidentally stepped on her blouse and tore it apart with her other foot.

She waited for Puck to stop talking so she could tell him to leave with the children. In this way she could as Brittany to go to the nearest store to buy her a blouse.

"But farting is not her only secret weapon. It's her kiss," she heard Puck say.

Rachel listened as the children oohed and aahed.

"One kiss and bam! You're in a coma!" she heard Puck say.

Rachel rolled her eyes.

"But Berry McFarty Fart is not her only nickname. She's also known as….Berry-dusa," Puck said.

"Berry-dusa? I'm getting confused. First Rupaul, then Berry McFarty Fart and then Berry-dusa. Why can't she just be Rachel?" Brittany said.

Rachel chuckled.

"She's called Berry-dusa, as in Medusa. You know Uma Thurman in Percy Jackson. The girl with snake hair. That's right. She can turn you to stone. But instead of her evil gaze, she uses her super annoying voice," Puck said.

Rachel felt the urge to run outside topless just to give Puck a whack.

"But she always talks to you in that voice," she heard Jon Dent say.

"That's 'cause I'm the only one who can resist her. I'm like, Percy in the movie," Puck smiled.

"Then can I be the love goddess?" Brittany said.

"Sure."

"Awesome."

…

After telling the tale of Lakers Wrestling Unit's greatest female wrestler of all time (Berry McFarty Fart) Puck was beginning to grow restless.

"Hey Berry! Hurry up!" Puck yelled.

"I will but I would like to discuss something with Brittany for awhile so if you would mind taking the children outside…"

Puck sighed and herded all the children outside of the shop. Finn was there too and the two boys just stood next to each other without giving any acknowledgement as if they were strangers. He waited for awhile, resting his hands on the railings when he saw Quinn and Santana coming over with shopping bags in their hands. Quinn looked resolved to ignore him when she caught the eye of Finn.

She immediately veered towards him and as he expected, bitching and the freaking adoption paper was shoved up on his nose.

"Hello to you too," Puck said.

"Me and Quinn were shopping for a perfect sun dress for her to wear to the shoot. Mr. Schuester said it was okay. What are you doing here?" Santana asked.

"Babysitting. How do you think I get the money?" Puck said ignoring Santana.

"I guessed doing something illegal. Anyway, the baby's due date is coming near and I'm fatter than King Kong. The adopting parents are getting restless," Quinn hissed.

"I told you I still have to think about it," Puck said looking away.

"Tick-tock. Tick-tock. You here that. That's time running out. We can't raise this baby. You can't raise this baby," Quinn said.

"I can too," Puck thundered.

"You can't. How can you raise a child when you can't even keep your math books. When you're sleeping with a different woman every night. When you're going nowhere but the pool business. Think of what this family could provide her," Quinn said.

"She'd never know her father or mother. She'll be awake every night wondering why her parents gave her up thinking that they don't love her," Puck snapped.

Quinn didn't answer.

"You don't want what's best for her. You want what's best for you! All you care about is your popularity and how fat you are! You don't care about her!" Puck said his voice rising octaves higher.

"Bite your tongue! You don't how much I think about this baby!" Quinn hissed. Finn looked in their direction and walked over. He gently touched Quinn's shoulder and looked at Puck.

"Anything wrong?" he asked.

"It's nothing," Puck said looking away.

"This is stressing me and my baby! I need ice cream, stat!" Quinn said clutching her belly. Puck was about to open his wallet and get whatever's left of it to give her ice cream when Finn beats him to the punch and hands Quinn a hundred.

Quinn smiles him a flirtatious smile. The same smile that got Finn whipped. Finn looked like a goner. Puck didn't even bother arguing. If Quinn wants Finn then who cares.

He doesn't love Quinn.

He loves his baby girl.

He put all this hell for her not for Quinn.

"But a hundred is enough for four people. Want to come?" Santana asked after Quinn gave her a nudge.

"Sure," Finn said. Quinn smiled. They all looked at Puck with expressions that clearly said that they did not want him along.

"Nah. I've got to baby sit," Puck said as they left.

Puck sighed and looked up to find Rachel with Brittany wearing a new blouse and staring after Finn and Quinn who were walking together side by side talking and laughing. She looked hurt and like a kicked puppy she scuttled towards him.

"Finn and Quinn are back together?" Brittany said stating the obvious.

Neither Rachel nor Puck responded.

"It doesn't matter. I knew from the start that I was always second choice. That I'll always play second fiddle to Finn. I'm just surprised it happened faster than I expected," Rachel said trying to sound emotionless.

Brittany patted Rachel's back.

"It doesn't matter. I've just realized that I only had an extreme case of infatuation over Finn and no serious feeling has stricken me," Rachel said looking away.

"Oh. Okay," Brittany nodded.

"Yeah, I just realized that I'm the second riddle—''

"Fiddle," Rachel corrected.

"Fiddle to Finn too. I also realized that I don't love Quinn. I love my baby," Puck murmured.

After a few more minutes of silence Puck looked at Rachel, "So how about we secondhand rebounds get some pizza?"

Rachel smiled and the children yelled in delight. Brittany smiled.

"Am I like included 'cause I was never a rebound or a second middle," Brittany asked.

"Yeah," Rachel nodded and they all made their way too the pizza restaurant.

"You know…." Brittany said putting an arm each on Puck and Rachel's shoulder.

"I always thought that Puckleberry was so cuter than Finchel and Quick," she said as they entered the store.

They both looked at Brittany with confused expression.

"I have trouble remembering names especially with couples so i made pairing names," Brittany explained.

"Puckleberry..." Puck said rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"I don't like it. Why is his name first?" Rachel demanded.

…

_Thanks for the reviews and hits and story alerts! Next update might be next week since we're going to vacation in Davao! Whoo-hoo! I was actually inspired by the whole underwater shoot since I'm a varsity swimmer in my school and I suddenly recalled it since my mom mentioned the Quick pairing name (Quinn and Puck) is from the glee wiki so I'm not really sure if that's their real pairing name. Keep reviewing!_


	13. Knocked Up

**Knocked Up**

The adopting parents had called for a meeting for both of them and Quinn was _freaking._She had called him the other night before and she was bitching about how the adopting parents had never called for a meeting with both parents; they usually call a meeting only with her.

Quinn had called him the other night to tell him about it.

"I think that they want you to ask you if you'll sign the papers," Quinn said her voice practically shaking in nervousness.

It took Puck three minutes before he could register this.

"They always call for a meeting with only me!" Quinn said her teeth chattering.

"What if they just want to see how I look? You know, so they'll no how good looking our baby will be," Puck said hopefully.

"Don't be a dumb ass! They've been calling me night and day about the papers and the baby is due next month! The papers have to be signed before I pump our little watermelon out of my thing-thing!" Quinn hissed.

"Can't I just bail?"

"If you want to be a complete jackass…then go for it!" Quinn said sarcasm dripping down her voice.

Puck could feel heat rising up and creeping on his neck. That only happens when he's nervous and believe him, that _rarely_happens.

"Puck, please, think about this. Think carefully about this. Stop thinking about yourself and think about the baby!" Quinn snapped.

"Oh, don't start that crap with me—''

"I'm not starting any crap! Tomorrow, Kurt and I will pick you up. Three o'clock sharp. By then I want an answer along with a good smart casual attire," Quinn said.

"Smart?"

"Yes. That includes no t-shirts with perverted sayings on them, no ripped jeans and oh….no half-eaten rubber shoes," Quinn said.

"But—''

"And I swear if you wear anything jacked and make a bad impression I will strangle you while you pee in the bathroom."

And with that she hung up.

With everything including the whole babygate thing, Sectionals, babysitting, lousy test scores, his mom who was praying for Jewish grandchildren, Finn being a douche, Santana and Quinn bitching on him, Rachel being hot (whoa, did he just say that?), Kurt being gay and Brittany being clueless he had completely forgotten that Quinn was due next month.

He had also conveniently forgotten about the adopting parents.

Puck could seriously pass out.

But Puck was a motherfucking stud.

And studs don't pass out so to ease his nerves he just kept on squeezing his Booger Teddy.

Yes, Puck has a teddy bear.

When his mom first gave it to him, he thought it was really gay so instead of Sweetie, the name his mom chose, Puck snorted on it causing one of it's plastic eyes to have boogers all over it. After that Puck started calling it Booger and his mom spent half the day chasing him around the house so she can clean the boogers.

Puck kept the bear just for the satisfaction of getting his mother since the boogers were still there but whenever he heard his mom and dad fight he would usually take the bear out and squeeze it until it looked like some freaky blue bug-eyed thing.

He had never met the adopting parents before and despite his badassness he was still scared. He had never actually met the parents and Puck was scared that he might screw things up. To be honest, he didn't want to give the baby up. But at the same time he knew that he could never provide his baby with things that the adopting family could

Puck groaned and laid back on his bed.

"Aw, Shit!"

Booger Teddy just popped an eye. And it's the one with all the boogers in it.

Why was everyone against him?

…

Puck was in the dressing room of some fancy guy store with Rachel Berry outside.

Yes, he knew that that was weird but Quinn had told him to wear something smart. He really didn't want to make a good impression. If anything he wanted to show the adopting parents what a total jackass he was so they might change their minds about adopting a baby. But he wanted to show Quinn that he can actually be responsible and that he can actually look "smart". Nothing in his closet really qualified for that and since Rachel was practically dressing "smart" in girl form (c'mon, pleated skirt, plaid, button downs and dress shoes? Do you see what this girl wears?) then the only logical thing to do was to ask her.

It's not like he likes her or anything.

He could ask lots of persons but he wouldn't go there. There were only two people in McKinley High who knew about these shit and it was Mercedes and Kurt. There was no way he was shopping with Chocolate Thunder and it would just be plain weird to shop with a gay guy so Rachel was like his only option.

And plus, they were sort of friends so that meant Puck could tolerate her during the duration of the whole shopping thing.

Rachel was hesitant at first to use up some of their babysitting since she has "planned a comprehensive schedule that would develop and improve the skills and talents of the young" but Puck did a guilt trip on her so she agreed.

Puck went out and watched Rachel's reaction.

"I think we have finally found the perfect attire for the meeting tomorrow, Noah. I do agree this quite suits you," Rachel nodded. They've been there for almost half an hour. The children were all sitting in those tiny benches inside the shop so Rachel could keep an eye on them.

"I feel like a monkey," Puck whined.

"Don't be such a grumbler. I think that if I were in the place of the adoptee I would be quite impressed by how debonair the father of their soon-to-be adopted child is," Rachel nodded in approval.

"I have no idea what you just said but by the hungry look in your eye, I'm guessing I look pretty damn hot," Puck said re-entering the dressing room.

"I will ignore that ridiculous assumption," Rachel snapped storming off to put the clothes back.

Puck looked at himself in the mirror. He really hasn't told his mom anything and the pressure was ramming him head on. What if he decides to keep the baby? It's not like he could just show up in his house one day and say, "Mom I got a girl pregnant and look, here's my baby!"

Puck sighed and went out and paid for the crisp, white shirt and blue polo with what little money eh had left (and a borrowed fifty from Rachel) and they all went out. The kids wanted some ice cream and Rachel complained that this little impromptu trip was costing her more than she expected. Puck told Rachel that he needed to buy some vitamins for Quinn.

They totally almost blew their cover when Mike and Matt were passing by but Puck fixed that quick by pushing Rachel in the men's room.

Rachel beat the crap out of him with her tiny little fists afterwards (and despite the fact that they were practically bite-sized, they really hurt).

"Would you mind if we went home ahead? I've seen the drugstore our way here and there was quite a crowd. The children are expected to be picked up in less than thirty minutes. I'll just drop Leah off as I expect that your mother would neb home by now," Rachel said.

"Yeah, sure," Puck mumbled.

"And don't even bother asking me for more money. I am down to my last twenty and I am not even sure how I can squeeze eleven kids into one itty bitty car," Rachel said as she noticed Puck was about to say something.

Puck grumbled and stalked away. He guessed he'll just have to steal the damn vitamins.

…

Quinn rarely bothers him anymore about vitamins, check-ups and all that pregnancy stuff since Kurt's dad is paying for everything but at times Quinn gets a little embarrassed so she usually calls him up to bitch about those shit. Today she sent him a message that she needs some more vitamins so he went to the drugstore and he began to scout the different shelves for the right vitamins Quinn had texted him.

Puck did not plan on telling his mom in, like, ever. Or at least until the baby's out. Part of him wants to give up the baby for adoption because it would solve everything. He doesn't have to tell his mom, he doesn't have to care about his grades and maybe, just maybe, things would die down.

But of course the bigger part of him loves his baby even more. He reasoned that he just needed the perfect way to tell his mother. He saw some glue on the way and grabbed. Booger Teddy wouldn't be Booger Teddy without boogers. He grabbed the pre-natal vitamins and he was about to pay for it when—

"Noah?"

Shit.

Oh shit.

He knows that voice.

Puck turned around slowly to find his mother holding a bunch of tampons in her hands.

He really hoped that the big blue words which said **"Pre-Natal Vitamins:**_**Drink it twice a day"**_weren't really readable. Immediately Puck shoved it in his pocket.

"What were you holding?" his mother demanded.

Seriously, if things were normal Puck would've completely ignored his mother since it was just plain embarrassing talking to a woman who was holding tampons.

"Nothing," Puck lied.

"You're in the women's section."

"Um…" Puck said searching his brain for the most sensible excuse he could think of.

"Oh my….Noah….why didn't you tell me?" she said looking at the shelf in which Puck got the vitamins from.

Oh no. She knows. She knows.

"Mom, I'm so sorry—''

"You should be! Oh Lord help us—''

"I was going to tell you! Honest—''

"Noah! Why did it take you so long to—''

"I know and I'm sorry that you had to find out this way!"

"It's okay son. It's okay. Come here," his mom said opening her arms up.

Puck couldn't believe how well his mother was taking it. Then and there it was like a weight was lifted off his shoulder. All he really wanted to do was to hug but that would score him major pansy points for hugging his mom in the middle of the drugstore while she's holding tampons. But the past few weeks were major stress induced. Crashing into his mom arms was what he wanted to do since Quinn first told him she was pregnant.

Who cares if he'll be hugging and crying his mom while she's holding tampons? Puck hugged her. It was like shooting two birds with one rock. His mom knows and he didn't have to shoplift.

"I guess I'll never have Jewish grandchildren," his mom said patting his head. Shit. She knows about Quinn too. Why do girls have weird, freaky psychic intuitions?

"I'm really sorry you had to find out this way mom," Puck said taking the vitamins out of his pocket. He was on the verge of breaking out and crying but honestly, he wasn't that much of a douchebag. He'll save the gayness at home where no one can see him and where he can cry in his mother's arms openly and gouge all his problems on the soon-to-be two eyed Booger Teddy.

"It's okay. I know how hard it is to come out in the open and tell the world that you're gay," she said hugging him.

Oh fuck. Puck turned to look at the shelf where he got the prenatal vitamins and there he found a bunch of estrogen pills in tiny white bottles.

"I'm not gay mom."

His mom looked at him as if he was fucking crazy and in denial.

"Sweetheart, acceptance is the first step and I'm glad that you've done it with me. I know that being called gay is new to you so we'll just call it….homosexual," his mom said patting his Mohawk.

"Mom—''

"Don't get me wrong, Jewish Grandchildren and a Jewish marriage is still quite possible. I'm glad that are religion isn't so biased. There are many Jewish women who would donate their—''

"Mom, it isn't that it's—''

"I always thought that your fascination of unicorns was just a little thing—''

"What? Mom I—'' Does she have to announce it to the world that he once was obsessed with unicorns? What? They were cool.

"There are many Jewish homosexuals. I mean look at the Berrys and look at Rachel. They've made a damn good looking girl and they're both gay—''

Puck sighed and shoved the pre-natal vitamins up her nose. Being gay was so worse than letting your mother know that you impregnated a girl.

"Pre-natal vitamins…." His mom said her voice falling into a choked whisper.

"I got a girl pregnant," Puck said dropping his head.

It was as if the whole world was blocked from the. His mother's mouth formed a little o and she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose before letting a cascade of tears fall on her face.

"Noah….what have it told you…"

"By safe sex you mean keeping it in your pants," Puck said in a defeated whisper.

"Oh…no! How are we going to do this? We're living off paycheck to paycheck as it is! Oh Noah I thought I raised you better," she said sobbing.

Although Puck was feeling really guilty the drugstore was not the place to make a scene. But his mom was practically breaking down. Puck felt tears coming through although he held it.

"I'm so sorry….," Puck whispered.

"What else? I mean it couldn't get any worse couldn't it? I mean it's not like she's not Jewish," his mom said trying to sound optimistic.

Puck shifted on his weight uncomfortably.

He really should tell his mom but she's been through lots of heartbreak. Trying to push the new, heavier weight on his shoulder Puck said, "Yeah mom. Sure. She's Jewish. She's more Jewish than Anne Frank."

…

Rachel was in a very bad mood after the taxi trip. First of all she had to squeeze all eleven children and the rest had to sit on top of each other. Then the twenty only got them as far as a few blocks. Rachel had argued that it could get them farther than that but the taxi driver claimed that with all the extra weight this was as far as they can go.

She had found out that Ms. Puckerman had not arrived in their house yet so she took Leah home with her and let her watch a few movies. She was just about to load the pasta into the hot water when the doorbell rang.

She let out an irritated sigh and was planning to shoo the person away when she opened the door to Ms. Puckerman and Puck. Ms. Puckerman looked slightly disappointed but excited while Noah looked agitated.

"Oh, good evening Ms. Puckerman. I assumed that you've come to pick up Leah?' Rachel asked sweetly.

"Oh yes of course. May we come in?" Ms. Puckerman asked. Puck just kept avoiding her eye.

Rachel really hopes that they don't plan on staying for dinner. She doubts that three bowls worth of Puttanesca would be enough for a dinner for six.

"Rachel, honey, sit down," Ms. Puckerman said.

Rachel sat down feeling slightly confused.

"Rachel when will your fathers be arriving?" Ms Puckerman asked.

"Oh, in about thirty minutes. Daddy still has to pick up dad from his office," Rachel nodded.

"Noah tells me that you're already three weeks there," she said eyeing Rachel's belly.

"Three weeks….there?"

Now Rachel was really confused.

"Let me just say that although I was severely disappointed I can't deny the thirst of teenage hormones so I completely understand. The first time I caught Noah with a bra in his hand I knew that it was only a matter of time. I'm just glad that he chose someone Jewish," Ms. Puckerman said taking two of Rachel's hands together.

Rachel was seriously confused.

"Tell me can you cook Latkes? Borscht? A Bagel?" she asked.

"Why of course. I'm duly educated in the art of Jewish Cuisine," Rachel said unsure of where this conversation was heading.

"Oh good! I'm glad that you're still very Jewish. Now I'm so excited! But dear, the vitamins you told Noah to buy isn't the best. I suggest this one. It's more effective in keeping your baby from turning into a mongoloid," Ms. Puckerman said.

"What vitamins?"

Ms. Puckerman handed her the vitamins.

"Pre-natal….vitamins?"

…

"You told her I was pregnant with _your _child?" Rachel shrieked the moment they locked the bathroom door.

"It was an accident okay? My mom found me getting some of Quinn's vitamins and she started blubbering in the drugstore—''

"You are so deplorable! If I had to choose between a cow and you as to who would be the father of my child, I would choose a cow!" Rachel yelled.

"Keep it down! And you seriously would bang a cow?"

"Noah! This is serious! My fathers would be arriving in a few minutes and if they make the assumption that I am pregnant with you nonetheless then my life will be ruined!" Rachel shrieked.

"Okay, first of all, it was an accident. She was doing the Jewish girlfriend guilt trip again and I sort of panicked! And well since there were like only three Jewish girls in here—''

"Why couldn't you have lied to her about the other two?"

"Because the first one was three years old and the other one was seventy. So basically as my mom did the math you were the only girl who Jewish and bangable," Puck said.

"Why didn't you correct her?" Rachel said.

"I tried to but she just keeps on jabbering about some circumcision!" Puck yelled.

"Then we have to tell her."

"Now?"

"Yes. My fathers will arrive and I want none of this nonsense to continue."

They both sighed and left the bathroom to find Ms. Puckerman holding a giant book.

'"I've been thinking of several Jewish names for my grandchild and—''

"Ms. Puckerman me and Noah have something to tell you," Rachel said nervously.

"What is it Rachel? Is it the baby? Are you here to tell me that the baby only has one arm?"

"That's the thing mom…," Puck said hesitantly.

"There is no baby," Rachel said.

"Did the baby fall out?' she asked.

"No! No, of course not. There was no baby to begin with. I believe I was involved in some kind of misunderstanding. You see Puck got Quinn Fabray pregnant. Not me," Rachel said

Ms. Puckerman closed her eyes again.

"Is she Jewish?" asked Ms. Puckerman.

"No," Puck said.

There was a big moment of silence. Suddenly Ms. Puckerman stood up with a big smile plastered on her face.

"No matter. It's fine really," Ms. Puckerman said hugging Puck.

"So you're cool with the non Jewish girlfriend thing?" Puck asked.

"No," Ms. Puckerman said.

Puck frowned.

"We can still get you a Jewish marriage Noah. Rachel could always be a stepmother," she said looking at Rachel.

Puck sighed and Rachel groaned.

"Mom, when will you ever give up?"

…

_Sorry for the long wait. Thanks for the reviews. Keep reviewing. Next update might be tomorrow or next week. _


	14. The Meeting

**The Meeting**

Puck could not believe how bloated Quinn was.

Seriously, she was like, a giant balloon wearing this blue floral print dress. Her blonde hair was in a loose bun and she was wearing sequenced ballerina flats. Overall she looked good but so not hot. She looked…._older_ and somewhat more maternal. Maybe it was the choice of clothes or the fact that her hair was in a bun but Quinn Fabray, with her giant belly and boobs, was now very far from the word hot.

Puck was sitting in some fancy café with Rachel Berry beside him along with eleven screaming kids. He knew that sounded weird but get this: Kurt Hummel was sitting across him and in his opinion that was way weirder.

So what could lead to such phenomenon?

The whole world going mad?

Aliens brainwashing?

No.

More like the adopting parents shitting on his life again.

After the whole incident that involved his mom thinking it was Rachel who was his baby mama Puck had asked Rachel to come to the meeting. It wasn't that he liked her or anything but Puck figured that he'd need her help.

He wasn't real good with words and he still hadn't made a decision but Rachel was a god when it came to making your brain hurt by just talking.

But that wasn't the only reason why Puck invited her. It was because she was so…._nice. _Sometimes he really did wish that it Rachel who was his baby mama because he was pretty sure she'd be nicer about it. Quinn was either crying on him or bitching on him without thinking that he was feeling shitty too and that a lot of pressure was on him too.

His mom was all cool about everything. She invited Rachel and her dads to dinner after she found out that Rachel wasn't his baby mama. Rachel's dads went ahead but Rachel stayed behind to discuss the meeting. His mom was not excited about Puck having a not Jewish girlfriend but she was cool about it. She even arranged for a meeting with Quinn although he didn't like how she's planning on doing it.

"My idea of a perfect meeting between me and the _not _Jewish mother of my _half _Jewish grandchild is eating a well-prepared Jewish meal and watching baby pictures of you," Ms. Puckerman had said.

"Noah has the cutest little mole on his butt," Ms. Puckerman said turning to Rachel

Puck was mortified since his baby pictures were so not badass (and there was a picture of him wearing Spock ears being surrounded by unicorns) and the mole looked like some deformed bird but luckily Rachel came to the rescue and said that she'll plan the meeting.

He already told Quinn about the meeting with his mom. It will be in Rachel's house, away from any baby pictures. Quinn agreed only if she can bring Kurt along. He knew that his mom wasn't really over the whole idea that the soon-to-be mother of his love child was not Jewish.

After that Rachel tried to discuss the options with him but Puck didn't want to be bothered by it. Then Rachel called him a coward for not facing his problems head on and so they got into a huge argument which led Puck storming out of his own house. His own damn house! He knew that that sounded so dumb but he was badass and there was no way a chick was going to call him a coward.

He went back and asked Rachel. He really wanted to invite Rachel although she said they might have to bring some kids along. He didn't like her or anything. It's just that she's so smart with words. And since he knew that he won't have a proper answer by the meeting he might as well bring someone who won't bitch on him afterwards.

"The prices they charge here are rather outrageous. They must be quite affluent to afford meetings in such a place," Rachel frowned looking at the menu.

"I know. It took me a whole day to screen the right parents who can afford my daughter spa dates every weekends. There aren't many families in Ohio who own five cars and three exotic and endangered Caribbean birds along with a nationwide supermarket," Quinn nodded.

Strangely, Quinn and Rachel were all buddy-buddy. He had no idea how this friendship formed but it was so weird. They talked at first about the weather, some politics then everything shifted into fashion.

"Seriously, she picked those out for you?" Kurt said eyeing Puck's douche white shirt and polo.

Kurt was just there since Quinn demanded that Kurt tag along. The two had become super best friends now and he strongly suspected that the dress was Kurt's doing since it looked like it came straight off the runway.

Puck didn't answer but he just gave a stiff nod.

"You are not as hopeless as I thought," Kurt said nodding in Rachel's direction.

"Thank you. Now, I've just noticed that the adopting parents won't be arriving in another thirty minutes so I suggest we discuss other options concerning your baby," Rachel said pulling out some papers.

She was really anxious to get things over with since she paid over a hundred dollars just to give every single child a shake and she knew that if this will take long, she was bound to pay more to keep the kids amused.

Puck let out a loud sigh. Everything was going fine. Trust Rachel to wreak havoc in a totally peaceful setting. Quinn's eyes narrowed and Kurt stiffened.

"There are no other options. We are giving the baby up for adoption," Quinn said her face returning to the "I'm-the-head-bitch" face.

"Puck hasn't made his choice _yet._And until he does I assumed that he is still considering other options," Rachel said getting rid of her previous buddy-buddy face. The freaky Berry face has returned.

Puck sat up. He wasn't used to her calling him Puck. It sounded so unnatural. And weird. And nice. But honestly, he preferred it if she called him Noah.

"I have given up some of my precious time in ballet practice to research about the different options possible and it would only take less than five minutes for me to read it out and—''

"I told you. There. Will. Be. No. Other. Options," Quinn said glaring at Rachel.

"Hell yeah there will be other options!" Puck roared standing up.

Okay, maybe that was a little overdramatic but Rachel was right. He was still clueless as to what to do. He might as well go over what little options he had before the adopting parents arrived.

"Um…Puck? Everyone's staring," Kurt whispered.

Puck slowly sat down.

"Okay, Berry. Hit it," Puck barked.

Rachel looked flustered. "Well…um…you could keep the baby—''

"Absolutely not," Quinn snapped before Rachel could even finish.

"Stop being a bitch Quinn," Puck snapped.

"Well, I wouldn't be if you weren't such a selfish dick," Quinn growled.

"You could always file for legal custody," Rachel said.

Silence.

"That could work," Puck said.

"No," Quinn snapped.

"Why not? You said it yourself; you want your life back! Well, you could have it back and you could still see the baby!" Puck said.

"No."

"Why not?" Puck demanded.

"Because I don't trust you."

The moment those words escaped from her lips it seemed as if he was cut off from the world. Puck didn't notice Rachel's mouth yapping a mile a minute, nor Quinn's angry glares. He didn't even notice the fact that Kurt was staring at his chest with a hungry expression.

He wasn't a competent father?

Quinn always implied that. But he never expected it to hurt so much when she said it.

"Puck! Puck! Oh my gosh snap out of it!" Quinn said sounding panicked as she snapped her fingers in front of Puck's face.

Puck snapped out of it and noticed that both Kurt and Rachel had fled to another table.

"What?" Puck mumbled.

"They're here," Quinn hissed. She was practically jumping off her seat.

"Where's Rachel?" Where was his fucking spokesperson?

"They wanted to meet with the two of us not your representative or a gay guy who smells like jasmine," Quinn said.

Crap, crap, crap. He _needed _Rachel. And not just because she was his spokesperson but because she made him feel better. She somehow just did. Quinn always made him nervous and anxious and jumpy even before she was pregnant but Rachel….Rachel gave him the feeling he gets whenever he squeezes Booger Teddy. Maybe it was her smile or maybe it was her cologne but everything about her made him feel better.

"Look at those chains," Quinn whispered in an awed voice as couple walked towards them

The woman was blonde and her hair was short and was tied in a loose half up. She was beautiful in an old-fashioned sort of way and she was wearing lots of bracelets in her left hand. The man was half bald with the roundest belly Puck has ever seen. He wore a lot of chains around his neck and rings on his stubby little fingers.

Puck thought that they looked a little snotty.

Three tables ahead of them were Kurt and Rachel. Rachel somehow managed to keep the kids quiet and behaved. They both tried to look inconspicuous but in Puck's opinion, they both looked like two washout spies. Kurt had pulled out Aviator sunglasses and he was trying to look bored or something but he was leaning over way too much and was way obvious that he was staring at them.

"I can't do this," Puck mouthed.

Rachel shot him thumbs up and a reassuring glance while Kurt just raised a brow.

The couple sat down and looked at Quinn and Puck as if they were two-years-olds.

"Hello, Quinn. How is the baby doing?" the woman asked.

"She's fine Mrs. McHale. This is Noah Puckerman. The dad," Quinn said rather awkwardly.

They both nodded in his direction.

"Noah, this is Mr. Toby McHale and Mrs. Virginia McHale," Quinn introduced.

Puck just stared at them. By now he felt like he ate a bad burrito. He wasn't going to be all nice with them because they weren't the kind of parents he pictured for his baby girl.

"I must say you have a lovely bone structure," Mrs. McHale said.

Puck just shrugged.

"Can't speak boy? Or just nervous? Loosen up kid!" Mr. McHale said slapping his back.

Puck cringed.

"See anything you like?" Mrs. McHale asked holding the menu out.

Puck ordered the most expensive coffee he could find just to piss them off. When Quinn saw this she immediately did damage control by ordering a tiny cup of orange juice. Puck was disappointed that the McHales ordered the same coffee he did.

They waited in silence for the coffee to arrive with Quinn tapping her fingers on the table. Puck shook his foot nervously. These people intimidated him. His stomach had this strange gurgling sensation and he had the urge to call his mommy to bring him his Booger Teddy. Their coffees soon came and puck took a sip of it. It definitely didn't taste like regular coffee.

"This is pretty good," Puck said speaking for the first time.

"It's Kopi luwak. Kopi luwak is the most expensive coffee in the world, selling for between US $100 and $600 per pound," Mrs. McHale said.

"It's different than regular coffee," Puck said sipping more and more of it.

"It's rich and syrupy ain't it? Gives you a bit of an aftertaste doesn't it? It ain't bitter ain't it?" Mr. McHale said

Puck nodded lapsing into silence again. Quinn stepped on his foot and glared at him. Puck just ignored her.

"Would you like a Kopi luwak too Quinn? Although I wouldn't suggest it for the baby," Mrs. McHale said.

"Why?" Puck asked alarmed. Quinn was not allowed any coffee? He's heard of no alcohol but no coffee? That's new.

"Although they are safe and approved after hours of intensive washing and roasting, I just want to be sure," Mrs. McHale said.

"What's it made of anyway?" Puck asked.

"From the dung of the Asian Palm Civet," Mrs. McHale answered.

"Dung? Asian Palm Civet?" Puck said slowly putting his cup down.

"Yeah boy. In short monkey poop," Mr. McHale said.

Puck stood up and said, "Excuse me."

And with that he went to the bathroom to gag.

…

Kurt and Rachel tried to listen to the conversation but to no avail. Kurt tried to look inconspicuous with his Aviator sunglasses while Rachel tried to keep all the children behaved. They saw that all four of them were still waiting for their coffee.

"Puck's not talking," Rachel frowned.

"I've noticed. But don't blame him. I'd pee too if I was in his position," Kurt said.

"This is absolutely ridiculous. He is never going to get anything straight if he continues being tacit," she said shaking her head in disappointment.

One of the kids tugged in Rachel's sleeve and she patted the kid's head before shooing the kid away.

"Isn't this rather rude, trying to eavesdrop?" Rachel asked Kurt.

"Are you kidding me? This is better than Desperate Housewives. If only we could hear what they were saying then things would just be plain _delicious_….," Kurt frowned.

"We're three tables away? How high can your expectations get?" Rachel demanded.

"Don't worry! I have a solution," Kurt said as he raised his hand up. A waiter immediately came closer.

"Could you tell those people (Kurt pointed at them) to speak…..maybe…..a little louder?" Kurt said sweetly. Rachel rubbed her forehead.

The waiter looked at them incredulously.

"What?"

"You tell them to speak…..louder," Rachel prodded.

"Maybe I need a little incentive," the waiter said in gesture that obviously meant that he wanted money.

Kurt pulled him closer until their faces were only about an inch apart.

"How about I plant a big one on your lips in front of the whole café?" Kurt said sounding weirdly seductive.

"How loud?" the waiter asked nervously trying to pull away from Kurt.

"Loud enough for us to hear," Rachel said.

The waiter nodded before stumbling away.

"Oh and be discreet about it!" Kurt called.

"Oh no! Kurt look! Puck is heading to the bathroom," Rachel said frowning. Kurt pulled down his Aviators to look at Puck who was rushing to the bathroom.

"He doesn't look too hot," Kurt commented.

"I am shocked at Noah for his behavior. He is such a spineless coward!" Rachel frowned.

"You have to give him credit. He did last this long," Kurt said.

"He needs more encouragement and support!" Rachel declared.

"Well what are you waiting for princess?" Kurt drawled.

"Well, he is entering the men's room and since I am a lady…I guess I am not permitted and therefore unable to give him the much needed encouragement so you must give it to him," Rachel said turning at Kurt.

"Stop right there. He looked like he was about to vomit. I am wearing jacket from Vera Wang's winter collection and I do not wish for it to be tarnished. And besides despite the fact that it would be rather enjoyable to be alone in a bathroom with one of McKinley High's hottest men holding his hand and comforting him, I have absolutely no idea what to say and how to do it," Kurt said turning away.

"Lucky for you _I _know," Rachel said taking a tissue and eyeliner out.

…

Puck vomited on the sink.

He was drinking monkey poop? That just made Puck vomit. Sighing he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He can so do this. All he needed was to show a good amount of bravado he was so famous for. He can't let those adopting parents psyche him out.

Why was he even nervous? Was it because he had no idea what to say? Or was it because Quinn was totally hating on him by now?

Or maybe it was the fact that his baby girl's life and future hung in the balance of his decision. He hated dramatic crossroads. They were so shitty.

And Berry? She was supposed to be supporting him. Helping him but instead she's out there eavesdropping with gay-shionista. He was kinda mad at her since she was supposed to make things easier and be there for him (in a friendly sort of way of course) but she bailed. Okay, so it might have been Quinn's fault for sending her away but shouldn't she have given him a pep talk or something?

He heard the bathroom door open and turned to find gay-shionista coming closer.

"Nervous?" Kurt said smiling at him. The gay-shionista was holding a tissue clenched in his left hand.

"Hell no. I just found out that I was drinking monkey poop," Puck shrugged.

Kurt saw all the brown, vomit on the sink and cringed before slowly going backwards.

"I guess I better go now. Adopting parents are waiting," Puck said making his way to the door. He was stopped since Kurt grabbed his hand and reeled him away from it.

"Puck, wait," Kurt said.

"Um dude, you do know that I'm straight right?" Puck said looking at the awkwardness of how Kurt was holding his hand.

"I'm aware of that. And don't worry. I have a boyfriend. What I'm here to do is to actually encourage you and comfort you and I would just like to say, I'm here for you," Kurt said slipping his fingers in between Puck's fingers and placing his other hand on Puck's chest.

Okay, this is getting weird.

"Um, thanks," Puck said taking his hand back. He did appreciate some comfort…not just from a gay guy.

"Wait, I'm not done," Kurt said grabbing his hand again. Puck sighed.

"Dude, thanks but no thanks. I've already made my decision."

"Really? When?"

"During between the time in which you gayishly grabbed my hand and put your hand on my chest," Puck said.

"So what will you do?" Kurt asked. The drama was killing him.

"I'll sign the papers," Puck sighed dejectedly. He really didn't want to but as he was weighing things in, he realized that he'll never be able to give things that the adopting parents could and he loved his baby girl way too much. And as much he hated to admit it, maybe Quinn was right. Maybe he was being selfish.

Kurt gasped dramatically. This really was better than Desperate Housewives.

"Wait. Don't move," Kurt said rushing to a stall while taking his phone out. Puck expected him to call Rachel.

"Yea it's true. That' what he said. Yes, while I was giving him the pep talk. You want me to what?" he heard Kurt say.

"Okay, don't worry. I got it. Wait what's after 'I believe in you' because it got smudged. Is it my fault eyeliner gets smudged easily? Okay. Got it," he heard Kurt say.

Kurt emerged from the stall carrying the tissue paper.

"Okay, I have one more thing to say to you," Kurt said raising a finger up.

"Puck, I know that you irresponsible, immature and sexually depraved and I can understand why Quinn thinks that you are an incapable father at times but I have seen a new and different side to you. I have seen a responsible, mature and _still _sexually depraved person but regardless of all your flaws you have the makings of a good and wonderful father. You may not be the richest or the most perfect father in the world but I believe in you. Quinn may say that you are an irresponsible nincompoop and I may have to agree with her in that one," Kurt said reading off the tissue paper.

Puck frowned at the last sentence. Kurt held up a 'wait' sign and began to read off the tissue paper again, "But you are also a kind-hearted nincompoop who will do anything for his little girl. And in any decision you make I trust that you have made it well and will stand by you. Good luck Puck and don't let their wealth cloud your better judgment. May Rod be with you."

Puck raised a brow.

"Oh, sorry. It got smudged. Its' "May God be with you," Kurt corrected.

Studs don't fucking cry but that was so inspirational and heartfelt that it made Puck's eyes glassy (for like a millisecond okay?).

"Rachel wrote that right?" Puck said.

"Yeah," Kurt nodded.

"Tell her thanks," Puck said before stepping out of the bathroom.

…

"What the hell happened?" Kurt asked as he saw a puddle of yellow water near his chair.

"Don't mind that. Jon Dent peed again. It's a regular thing and hardly unusual. So what did Puck say?" Rachel asked excitedly.

"He said thanks," Kurt moving his chair away from the urine.

"Good. And….?"

"I think he's keeping his decision," Kurt said rather dramatically.

Rachel nodded knowingly. Suddenly Kurt jumped up on his chair.

"Oh my gosh! What is that…thing wearing?" Kurt asked as he stared at Jon Dent's tissue skirt.

"That thing is a child….and he forgot to bring extra pants," Rachel frowned.

"As always it's a fashion don't. Come on kid. I'll show you how to wear a _fashionable _tissue skirt," Kurt said.

"I wouldn't count on you doing that. Puck's approaching the table," Rachel said excitedly.

Immediately Kurt sat up.

…

"And let's not forget the stretch marks and extra weight you'll put on after you've given birth," Mrs. McHale said.

"Wow. I never expected so much change to happen," Quinn frowned.

"No one ever does. That's why I adopt. This way I'll still have this immaculate body," Mrs. McHale said.

Suddenly Puck showed up.

"Hello. I'm really sorry that we didn't inform you ahead of time that what you were drinking was made from the dung of Asian Palm Civet," Mrs. McHale said.

"That's okay because while chucking out the monkey poop, I made my decision," Puck said. He was vaguely aware that both Kurt and Rachel had moved two tables closer.

"Oh really m'boy. That's great," Mr. McHale said.

Mrs. McHale took the adoption papers out while Quinn shot him a hopeful look.

"I'm not signing it."

It was like pandemonium and Puck wasn't sure what had happened. All he remembered was the McHales trying to convince him again and again and Quinn screaming and bursting out into tears.

"Quinn, rub upon this smooth Vera Wang Winter Collection jacket and say those soothing words I told you," Kurt said taking his jacket off.

Quinn grabbed it and rubbed it profusely on her arm before saying, "Gucci, Salavdore Ferregamo, Jimmy Choos, Vera Wang, Dolce and Gabanna, Alexander McQueen…."

"That's right. Nothing soothes the senses more than fashion," Kurt said.

"Oh my gosh, it's not working!" Quinn yelled.

"Nervous breakdowns will make the baby neurotic and possibly give the baby dry skin. Concentrate and keep on rubbing," Kurt instructed.

"Noah, I don't think you know how difficult raising a child is," Mrs. McHale said.

"I think I know and I am ready for this. I'm not signing the paper. That's final," Puck said.

The McHale glared at him angrily before storming off to pay the bill. When Quinn snapped back from her hyperventilation she glared at Puck and said, "What did you just do? You know how hard it is to find the adopting parents?"

"Look, Quinn I won't give her up. It's either we raise her together or I get sole custody. By Monday, I expect an answer," Puck said before storming out of the café.

Rachel followed him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You're being coming more of a drama queen than me and Kurt," Rachel smiled.

"Watch your tongue Berry," Puck snapped.

"You do realize that we have to wait for Kurt since he is our ride home?' Rachel said.

"Yeah. I kind of figured it out. Shouldn't the kids be home like thirty minutes ago?" Puck asked.

"Don't worry. I'll deal with the angry mob of parents later. This was more important," Rachel smiled.

"Thanks Berry. For the pep talk back there," Puck said rocking his heels back and forth.

"Your welcome," Rachel smiled.

"I just wish that you didn't send Kurt," Puck said rolling his eyes. They both laughed.

"Rachel, you know how sometimes the kids in glee say that you're annoying and a diva and selfish. That you're heart is made out of stone," Puck said.

"Yeah."

"I agree with them."

Rachel frowned.

"Your heart is made out of pure gold."

…

_Thanks for the reviews! Next update might be next week. Keep reviewing. _


	15. Puck's Planner

**Puck's Planner**

_**Monday**_

Okay, first of all I am not some sappy gay pansy who has nothing better to do than to write his "feelings" in a dumbass notebook. No, I am Noah Puckerman, grade A stud and professional badass. I don't have feelings. Okay, maybe I do but only a dipshit would be stupid enough to write them in a notebook.

Mr. Matheson gave us this dumb assignment of writing our "feelings" in a notebook. It's supposed to help us improve our English or something. I didn't have a spare notebook so I used the planner Berry gave me. Whatever. I think he just did this because like everyone he wants to get the juice as to why Q is avoiding me like the babonic plague (or something that sounds like that) and why Q gets all weepy when someone mentions the baby or why she gets all bitchy when someone mentions my name.

Anyway back to the project. We aren't supposed to say bad words but all I can say is fuck off. I'll say as much bad words as I want. Because I am a stud. And if you're reading this Mr. Matheson you can just fuck off because only a douche would think that me, Noah Puckerman, grade A stud and professional badass would actually shit myself into this weepy gay masquerade.

_**Tuesday**_

I got a D- in my last entry because I spelled bubonic wrong. Honestly, how was I supposed to know that it wasn't Babonic? I'm not Einstein.

And sorry Mr. Matheson for assuming that you are a nosy, snooping and interfering person who just assigned this project not for the betterment of our grades but for the gossip juice. And sorry for the bad words too. And I promise to take this project seriously.

Okay, that apology should at least earn me a B Mr. Matheson because I had to go to the library to get a thesaurus and it wasn't easy. So if you're reading this Mr. Matheson, I'll have you know that there was effort there and I really need a kickass grade here because having a baby ain't cheap and easy. I really need this for college.

So Q hasn't given me an answer yet. Every time I try to talk to her she just gets all bitchy and weepy and now everyone thinks that I'm the bad guy. Berry's been helping me with a lot of the paperwork about sole custody.

She's been a big help lately. She's so sweet and nice and she actually stood up for me. A lot of pressure has been off me lately. My mom knows, I've made my decision….now all that's left is getting my life back together…with the kid.

Q wouldn't go meet my mom because she was still mad at me so my mom ended up having dinner with Berry. Even though it was in her house my mom still brought my baby albums and showed it to Berry. I expected her to laugh at the Spock ears and unicorns but instead she just pulled out a unicorn and said that she had a thing for unicorns when she was little too. She did laugh at the mole in my butt though.

Today during babysitting something good (or bad depending on how you look at it) happened. So the little kids were more hyper than usual. They were running all over the place and Rachel was yelling at them trying to contain them or something. Then I tripped on a kid who was crouching down.

And I fell on top of Berry and accidentally (I swear it's an accident) touched her boobs. That's when she freaked out and started yelling and she pushed me off her. Please, it was only for a millisecond. No need for panties to get in a bundle.

Anyway after she pushed me I landed on one of the kid's hand and I guess it….broke or snapped or something. If it was in a cartoon I guess I would be laughing my balls off but since I'm partly responsible for the kids then I guess it wasn't so funny when Samson started jumping up and down and crying as if someone hit him in his manly area.

Rachel stepped on my foot and after applying some first aid and saying sorry in a hundred different ways (don't know that that was even possible) to the parents she yelled at me for touching her boobs. And for lying on top of her.

After that I _accidentally _(okay, it wasn't an accident) tripped and fell on her again. She kept on yelling and bitching on me and I kinda teased her that I wouldn't get off until she kissed me. Bad thing to do really.

Her dads arrived and I guess it wasn't a pretty sight to see your daughter underneath a guy. I stood up and Rachel launched into a long explanation while I left.

I'm guessing her dads didn't buy whatever she told them because she called me up in the middle of the night to yell at me.

_**Wednesday**_

Okay first of all Mr. Matheson this is not a diary nor is it a journal because both just sounds so gay. As the cover of the notebook clearly reads, it's my planner. Anyway thanks for the B-. I have no idea what you mean when you wrote "be more descriptive of the events and write down your emotions with more creativity" but if you write it in plain English then I'm sure I can fix that.

You know what happened during the babysitting session? Rachel left the kids with me because she was on a date. A date! A date with the golden boy Saint Finn. I'm not jealous because I don't care. She can go get herself in bed with any guy for all I care.

But all i'm saying is that she just needs to be more careful. Saint Finn ain't much of a saint you know. Who knows that behind that dopey and cute, lovable mask is actually a sexually depraved asshole who just wants to get in her pants. I mean not everyone is who they say. Like me. I'm badass but even I cry. Finn could very well be a good guy but who's actually a bad guy and he's not really normal. Like the movie "The Lovely Bones". Finn could very well be that neighbor who kills Susie. Except maybe that Finn is too stupid to clean his tracks off so the worst he can do is probably break Berry's heart.

So anyway here's how things went down. I went to her house to try and apologize for getting myself on top of her yesterday when I saw Brittany there. I was about to ask her what she was doing there but I didn't get the chance since Rachel came out looking HOT.

She was wearing this sleeveless (and possibly see-through) white top and black skirt. Brittany said that she gave Berry a make-over for her date with Finn. And I went "What the hell?"

I thought she was over with Saint Finn but apparently not. Brit said that Finn asked her during Glee club practice (how could I have missed this?). I was asking Berry to explain how going on a date with Finn shows that she's over him and she said a lot of big words but mostly, I just figured that she said "fuck off."

She said something about how she really is over Finn but that does not mean she won't stop dating him. That just sounds plain confusing and jacked right? So I try to convince her that what she's doing is a shitty mistake because Finn has been pussy-whipped by Q since the sixth grade and Rachel said that she had no idea what pussy-whipped means. I tried to explain but I was cut off by her mouth. Then she launched into some speech about her not having a real relationship yet and that she wants to be prepared of the ups and downs of having a relationship since it will be publicized if she gets famous or something.

Then I told her Finn is a jackass who does not deserve her.

That's when I realized that something was wrong with me. I mean who says that? A desperate _whipped _pussy in a corny movie who's trying to keep the love of his life from going into second base with another guy. Those are the people who says that. But that's not me. That was like a one time thing. Maybe cause it's full moon tonight and I heard that the full moon can get you to do crazy stuff.

Then Berry turned into "I'm-Rachel-Berry-and-I'm-a-Shrink". She said something about me being afraid of losing her friendship if she dates Finn or something and I just said bullshit. She got mad and stormed away but not before telling me that Brittany has agreed to replace her for today.

Then Brittany told me that I got it bad.

Me? Noah Puckerman fall for "I'm-a-Freak" Rachel Berry?

When pigs fly.

But that wasn't the reason why I was hiding behind a booth with Brittany watching Berry and Saint Finn bowl. Finn orders her a giant pizza. Doesn't that asshole know? She has diet restrictions because she's _Jewish. _And besides Rachel's a health junkie. If she took me on a date I would know exactly what to get her.

But I was just watching out for her. That's why I was spying. We're friends (sort of) and that's what friends do.

Anyway Jon Dent totally blew everything. He peed. Again! And on Brittany's shoes. Brittany went shrieking up and down and Finn and Berry saw. Anyway Berry got mad at me and demanded Finn to drive her home.

Then Brit tried to console me or make me feel better.

Please, I don't care. Rachel can go fuck any guy she wants.

Okay, I care.

But tonight is the full moon and the full moon makes people crazy right?

_**Thursday**_

Mr. Matheson thanks for the advice you gave me on how to deal with my jealousy but honestly, I'm a stud and for the record I wasn't jealous. And thanks for telling me that it wasn't full moon last night. By the way thanks for the B+. But I have no idea what you mean when you say that I need to "minimize your use of fragments and utilize your use of complete sentences".

So anyway, Rachel forgave me and she went over to my house to discuss about possible lawyer I could hire.

I know that you'll get mad if you read on but I swear it's for good intentions.

So Rachel went to our bathroom and as luck would have it she left her diary. I only took a peek (okay maybe I took like fifteen peeks) and you know what? She has not written a single thing about me. Sure, she wrote about how she was helping me but everything was crap and it was mostly about broadway and stardom and not a thing about my abs.

And she's got an A+ in all her entries.

Come on Mr. Matheson, what is she doing better than me? Is it the words she writes that half of humanity hasn't even known of (and that includes you)? Or is it the fact that she's big in emotion?

Anyway back to the issue close at hand.....

There was one entry that was about me, however. This was it:

_Dear Diary,_

_ Noah hasn't been quite what I expected. I remember our first encounter. It was a silent encounter. It was the first day of school and as I walked along the halls ready for a year that was full or promise and excitement I felt a cold splash on my face and the strange tickling sensation of liquid running down my underpants. I opened my eyes to find a boy holding an empty slushie plastic cup in his hand with a shock look on his face. Needless to say, I suspected that the attack was quite unplanned and very accidental but after being prompted by my brutish upperclassman schoolmates I guess that Noah felt that throwing a cup of flavored ice was his ticket to the very top of the pyramid of School Hierarchy._

_ He continued with this cruel ritual, often slushie-ing me in the most unexpected intervals and places. I have learned to thrive in this barbaric setting by bringing an extra set of clothes and underwear. I began to see Noah was as the face of evil, the face of the enemy. I thought no more of him than a brute who gets satisfied at the misfortunes of others._

_ But lately I began to see him in a new light. He is not quite the person as one expects him to be...._

And yadda, yadda, yadda. Like the way she talks it took three pages for the entry to finish so I didn't have time to copy. I felt kinda guilty after reading it but the last ten paragraphs said that Rachel was beginning to see me more than just a bully.

I was in a pretty good mood after that.

But I didn't care because I don't even like her.

Still, she hasn't written much about me.

I don't care.

_**Friday**_

Mr. Matheson thanks for the advice. Again. But honestly I don't need it. Because advice like that are for pussies and love stricken assholes and I am in neither categories. By the way I think the D- was unfair. So I looked in her diary? It wasn't as if I found anything scandalizing. Oh and you will keep the stuff I've written secret right?

I seriously think that Berry placed something in my food because whenever the girl walks by it's like there are angels singing and a beam of light is on her.

I can't believe how gay that sounded.

This project really helped you know. Because the pressure of raising this kid is really getting on me.

I've never admitted it before but I actually have….."feelings". Ever since this whole babygate I've been squeezing my Booger Teddy even more and I've actually been crying in my sleep. Q has given me her answer and she said that we'll raise the baby together. In separate houses though.

Anyway I had a dream. I was sleeping in my bed when Berry suddenly came in through the door wearing _nothing _but my football jersey. And she did this sort of sexy-ass dance in front of me. I tried to turn Berry into Megan Fox but I figured that Berry was way hotter than Megan Fox.

It's crazy. I am not whipped though.

No matter what Brittany says.

Because I am a stud. And I have better things to occupy my time than Berry dancing in my jersey.

I have a baby to take care of.

But the dreams did not stop. In fact they got worse. Rachel wore less clothing as my dreams continued. I had one dream in which Rachel was wearing nothing but a bra. Then I had another dream in which Rachel was butt-naked. But all she does is stand there and not touch me and that kind of frustrates me. I swear after having those dreams, I was actually excited to sleep.

So I boned Santana to keep from having those dreams.

It didn't work.

But I'm not whipped.

_**Saturday**_

Berry let Finn go to second base.

_**Monday**_

Sorry for the really short entry last Saturday and no entry last Sunday Mr. Matheson but I guess I threw a hissy fit when I heard about Finn and Berry's second base night. After I heard that I banged a Cheerio.

I seriously don't know why I threw such a pussy fit after I heard that. It's as if this weird feeling in my heart suddenly comes up at the thought fo Rachel being in bed with another dude.

I guess it's just my friendship instincts.

I wasn't jealous though.

I'm just mad at Saint Finn for leading Berry on. But all that was false. Turns out Finn spread that rumor as an act of desperation to make Q jealous. I got that out of Finn after only about twenty punches on his face.

It worked. Q and Saint Finn were back together and the best thing was that Berry didn't even give a shit. She wasn't mad or jealous.

Not that I care or anything.

Anyway we're on speaking terms already.

She said it was nice of me to expose the truth and not let the rumor get out of hand.

Somehow that made me happy.

_**Tuesday**_

I don't like Berry! Seesh Mr. Matheson, how many times do I have to write it? Anyway thanks for the advice but again I don't need it. The dreams stopped since they are replaced by dreams of my baby. I just realized that raising a kid is not easy. It's like telling the kid to not drink alcohol when I'm drinking alcohol.

Rachel got me a book called **"Proper Parenting"**. I'm learning loads of stuff from it. Q and I made up after I lent her the book. She said that I was right in making the decision. The book really helped get rid of the anxiety I felt towards raising the baby. Now the "Berry" dreams are returning. But they get even worse.

Berry wasn't but naked anymore but she was on my bed and we were cuddling! Cuddling! I'm a stud and studs don't cuddle.

I swear, I think the full moon is up.

_**Friday**_

Sorry it took me so long time to write again but with everything going on, the baby, Finn and Q getting back together and my mom embarrassing me even more than usual I guess I just didn't' have the time.

This is the very last time that I'll be writing in my planner and I'd just like to say it was nice writing in it. It really did help my English. Now I can actually write one whole paragraph.

And for the record Mr. Matheson, I do not need your advice, nor do I like Berry!

Things have been getting hectic lately. Q's about to give birth soon. Three more weeks actually and I'm freaking. My mom's real happy when she heard that me and Q won't be living together. We've decided to take turns with the baby. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for me, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays for Q and we both spend the day together on Sunday.

Q will continue living with Kurt because Finn's mom is not so hot with the idea of letting a "harlot" stay in the same house with Finn. Q's pretty cool with that. My mom is still hell bent on the idea of making Berry a stepmother and my soon-to-be wife which will close to impossible.

Rumor's got out that me and Berry were dating and sexing it up although I think Kurt has more to do with it than you Mr. Matheson so I don't blame you.

Me and Rachel started picking out baby cribs and strollers. I know that that's something I should be doing with my baby mama but Q was still busy trying to save her jacked up relationship with Saint Finn so I asked Rachel. She was awesome help. She researched a lot about the proper baby cribs and wear to find them. Then she gave me seem money to buy diapers and baby clothes.

Then we spent the day looking for the perfect Jewish name. That's just to make my mom happy. Q's already got a name. She wants the kid to be named Mary after her religion. We argued for awhile since I want the kid's first name to be Jewish but like everything Q won. Rachel found the perfect Jewish name. Unique but not weird. Ilana. Mary Ilana Puckerman.

It's got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

...

_Not how the chapter is usually written but this is sort of a story filler. Don't worry. I swear the next chapter will be awesome so don't bail on the story yet! Thanks for the reviews and please still review this chapter. Next update will be tomorrow. _


	16. Date Night

**Date Night**

Things were finally beginning to look up for Puck. Quinn and him had gotten to a mutual agreement as to how their baby will be raised, his mother and Quinn finally met although his mom kept on hinting strongly that Quinn could no way compare to Rachel and the best part of all was that Finn and Quinn were back together which means Finn was on his way to forgiving Puck.

It wasn't entirely his fault by the way. It was partly Quinn's fault. Puck maybe a douche sometimes (okay, maybe all the time) but he would never force a girl into anything or manipulate her with lame and cheesy tricks. Wine coolers? Honestly? Please, Quinn was as drunk as shit when she came barging into his house.

Anyway, that's not the point. Finn was just a few tugs from forgiving him. Yesterday, Puck wasn't sure but he thought that he saw Finn nod when Puck passed by him as Quinn clung to his arm like some barnacle. Then today, Finn actually said something to him that wasn't remotely insulting. Sure, he may have said it accidentally but Puck figured that it was the first to many steps of Finn being his best friend again.

Puck was on cloud nine as he went home and nothing could ruin his mood now.

Well of course that was what his mom was for.

He was busy re-checking the adoption papers before he signed them just in case Quinn's lawyer made some loopholes in it. He had to check the dictionary for like ten times since the words were so fucking hard. Why can't the lawyers just use plain English? He was trying to look for one particular word when his mother came in and told him that she'll take care of the adoption papers and by then he knew that something was up.

You see Quinn was on his mom's hate list since they got into a little argument regarding the kid's name. His mom wanted the baby's first name to be Jewish but Quinn was dead set on keeping the Mary so his mom pretty much ignored Quinn and anything that even had her name on it.

"Leah told me something interesting today….," his mom said.

"Oh really….," Puck said trying to leave as he saw that look. He knew it all too well.

"She told me that Rachel likes this Jesse St. James kid…," she said.

"What? That Vocal Adrenaline douche?" he snapped.

His mom gave a satisfied smile and Puck tried to look indifferent and bored.

"Um….I don't care but….continue," he said.

But Puck wasn't listening anymore. He was too busy trying to figure out how to ruin the douchebag. But not because he was jealous of course but because he knew that that asshole was only out to get New Directions so he was really taking one for the team.

And not because he liked Rachel.

Nope.

Not at all.

His mom was saying something and just so she'll think he was listening he nodded which apparently was a bad idea because she started shrieking up and down and tackled him in a giant bear hug.

"I think that you shouldn't wear those t-shirts with rude sayings on them Noah and you should bring her flowers…..I've already taken care of how this date is going to go—''

"Wait! What date? What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded.

"The one you just agreed to. The date with Rachel," his mom said.

"What the hell? How the fuck did I get bamboozled into something like this?" he complained.

"Please stop using such language Noah. It's very irritating. Anyway you agreed to this date when you nodded—''

"Oh hell no!" Puck said.

"Noah! There is a real live Jewish girl out there who could produce children and if you think I am going to let some boy who might have a better voice than you steal her away and make her produce children from his loins then you are sadly mistaken! I mean this is just a simple favor compared to the giant rock you shoved in my face with that _non-Jewish_ blonde carrying my _half-Jewish_ grandchild!" she said tears crinkling from her eyes.

Damn. The Jewish guilt.

"Um…."

"Now Leah got me this and I want you to fulfill all of these," she said shoving a paper into his face.

Puck stared at it and he recognized Rachel's neat and tidy scrawl. It was an English Paper and beside her name was very big A+. Puck snorted as he read it.

_**The Perfect Date**_

Written by: Rachel Barbara Berry

_For my idea of a perfect date I expect my significant other to surprise me unexpectedly with a bouquet of red roses in his hand. He must wear something casual yet something that is not boorish and churlish. Then he must be a gentleman and come and hand me the flowers in the most gentlemanly way possible._

_Then I expect him to have a limo in hand ready to take me to a restaurant that is in a very tall skyscraper so that I may enjoy the view. Then after eating a quaint and simple dinner involving escargot and caviar my date must bring me to a nice gala where we are to dance slowly._

_Then we will take a nice stroll in the park with fireflies flittering everywhere. After which he must take me to a portrait painter where he will paint our portrait as a reminder of our date._

"You asked Leah to steal this? What? Are you stalking her now?" Puck demanded.

"No, of course not! Leah told Rachel that she has a paper due next week and Rachel gave it to her for some ideas. She is very good writer you know…"

"This looks so fucking expensive!" Puck snapped.

"Noah…this is just a small favor compared to—''

"I know! I know! My pregnant girlfriend! But honestly mom! How far will you go?"

"And just to make sure you aren't lying to me you will give me a copy of the said portrait she wanted," Ms. Puckerman.

"But this is fucking expensive!" Puck snapped.

"That is your problem," she said before flouncing off.

Well at least Puck pretty much ruined things with the Vocal Adrenaline douche.

…

Rachel wasn't sure what to think when Noah Puckerman showed up in her doorstep wearing the shirt and polo he wore during that mundane meeting with adopting parents with a bouquet of possibly stolen flowers in his hands with a lopsided expression on his face.

"Noah?" was all Rachel could mutter despite her extensive vocabulary.

"Sup Berry! I'm here to take you on a date," he said.

Rachel tried to come up with a reasonable answer while trying to comprehend what being possessed Puck to come here unannounced to bring her on a date. After a good five minutes all she could say was, "Pardon me?"

"My mom made me," Puck admitted.

Well that certainly explained things. His mother had a strange obsession with her and she was quite persistent of the idea that the two of them would be married. Rachel wasn't sure though why she felt a sense of disappointment when she realized that Puck's initiative for this date was fueled by his mother and not of his own interest.

"That's quite reasonable but you would have to tell your mother that I repudiate your invitation as I am busy planning the schedule for our next babysitting session so I suggest you invite Quinn since both of you still have plenty to discuss pertaining the baby like the schedules of custody, the meeting places and even the last name of the child is still in order," Rachel yammered without even pausing.

Puck just stared at her and said, "I have no idea what you said and I don't give a shit."

Rachel sighed angrily. How did she ever expect for a delinquent such as Puck to actually take thing seriously.

"In plain English, no thanks," she said before closing the door on his face. He quickly jammed his foot on the door to stop it from closing and believe him it fucking hurt. But he did need to stop her closing the door because he figured that slamming the door on her date's face wasn't part of her Ideal Date. And being stuck there would leave him no option but to climb in through her window and somehow he figured that that wasn't part of her Perfect Date either.

"Look, my mom did the whole Jewish guilt trip thing and unless I take you out on a date with a picture to prove it then…she'll castrate me," Puck whimpered.

"I hardly think that you even know the word castrate," Rachel said snobbily.

"I do too……Okay I don't but point is my mom is batshit crazy about us producing little Jewish Pucksters so if you don't come with me on a date right now….I swear I'll sling you over my shoulder and force you to go on a date with me," Puck said.

'That's horrendous," Rachel said completely aghast at his suggestion.

"Whatever that means you're going on a date with me. Please babe, this is a once in lifetime opportunity. You're dating, Puckerone style," Puck said.

"I'm not sure that we would see eye to eye with this whole dating. You're idea of a date is either egging someone's esteemed house (like mine) or just simply doing disgusting deeds on the bed or couch," Rachel said wryly.

"That's why my mom got me this," Puck said shoving her essay in her face. Rachel gave a little gasp.

"That's to give Leah inspiration for her paper," she said completely annoyed.

"Yeah well my mom gave this to me as a cheat sheet," Puck said.

"Noah….I do like your mother….really but I suggest that you take her to some therapy because this obsession of hers is very unhealthy….on both parties," Rachel said.

"Don't you think I know that Berry? Come on! My mom's been working like shit for the baby and this would mean the world to her. Besides this doesn't mean anything if that's what you're thinking. We're going as friends," Puck said.

"I have no qualms with going on a date with you—as friends but it would be very unwise on both parts as there are already enough rumors in school about us fornicating," Rachel said.

"I have no idea what you just said but if it's about the rumors in school then it's cool. No one will see us," Puck smirked.

"But how could you even afford my perfect date? It did involve a few expensive things," Rachel protested.

"No duh, but don't worry. The Pukersaraus totally has it down," Puck smiled smugly.

Rachel held her breath and sighed, "Fine. But if you must know my perfect date involved me wearing something more….tasteful so I'll change. And I suppose I better leave a note for dad and daddy"

"Whatever," Puck said smiling in triumph as she headed upstairs.

…

Puck was busy watching a really badass movie when Rachel came downstairs looking fucking amazing. She was wearing a sleeveless white blouse and her little black skirt. Seriously, Puck felt that he was having an instant erection the moment she walked in.

"Whoa," Puck said his eyes bulging.

"Somehow I did not expect my perfect date to be fulfilled by you but I have always imagined wearing this when it does happen so for my sake Noah, don't disappoint me," Rachel warned.

"You look hot!" was all Puck could say.

Rachel smiled and held her hand out.

"Well…?"

"Let's see….show up unexpectedly: check! Arrive with a bouquet of flowers: check!" Puck said handing her the bouquet of seemingly stolen daisies. The daises still had their roots on them and they weren't tastefully arranged.

"Noah….from whose garden did you steal these from?" she demanded.

"Mrs. Wriggle. Trust me you do not want to know how I got it. Anyway shall we proceed?' Puck said.

"I expect that a limo is outside?" Rachel asked in a joking manner.

"No but my truck is…."

…

"Where are you taking me Noah? As far as I can remember there are no tall skyscrapers in Lima that house restaurants," Rachel said. Puck was trying his best to concentrate on the road but it was very difficult considering how totally fuckable Rachel looked.

"Just wait Berry," Puck said.

Rachel had no clue how Puck was going to fulfill all her wishes and seeing how he crudely fulfilled the first one (with stolen flowers) she wasn't sure how he was going to fulfill the next one seeing that caviar and escargot were very expensive.

"And here we are Berry," Puck said.

Rachel's attention snapped back and her eyes skimmed the whole surroundings. Puck hadn't taken her to a tall skyscraper restaurant but a very high hill with a spectacular view of Lima.

"Couldn't find a skyscraper and couldn't afford it so here it is Berry. Highest and _most _affordable point in Lima," Puck smirked.

Rachel just looked at him in awe. Puck gave a shrug before taking out a picnic blanket and setting it under a tree. Then he took some Chinese take out containers and a can of sardines.

"Well?" Puck said.

Rachel just smiled and made her way next to him.

"Noah….this is lovely," Rachel smiled.

"A dinner on a tall skyscraper: check," Puck said as he pretended to tick of an imaginary list.

"The escargot and caviar on the other hand….," Rachel said wryly.

"Are right here," Puck said shoving the Sardine can onto her face. Rachel read it closely and discovered that it was a can full of caviar.

"And for escargot…," Puck took a jar out and Rachel yelled. In it were three disgusting snails.

"Mom said that escargot was snails so….," Puck shrugged.

"Cooked snails Noah," Rachel corrected.

"Hey I fulfilled your date right. Quaint and simple dinner with escargot and caviar: check," he said.

"My appetite is not in the mood for those right now," she said looking absolutely disgusted at the snails.

"Then….you wouldn't mind a little Chinese," Puck smiled and Rachel gladly took it. Puck and Rachel ate for awhile before Puck said, "So what do you think of your ideal date?"

"Not as I expected," Rachel laughed.

"So can I roll it better than that Vocal Adrenaline douche?" he demanded.

"I have no idea where you got that information but I must say I am having amore enjoyable time with you than Jesse," Rachel smiled.

Puck smirked. One point for the Puckerone.

…

After they had finished dinner and talked a bit. Puck helped Rachel up his truck and they both drove away from the place with Rachel blabbing about the whole experience and all the ants he'll be amassing just because he dropped a few grains of rice.

"Seesh Berry!" Puck sighed.

"I am curious as to how you'll fulfill the next activity written on my essay," Rachel smiled.

"You'll see," Puck smiled.

They drove and talked some more and Puck had to admit that he was actually enjoying time with her and he actually liked going on a proper date. Not just macking each other on the couch. Puck stopped at a very loud club. Rachel raised a brow as Puck bluffed his way into letting the bouncer think that they were actually old enough to get in there. Rachel kept shooting him disapproving stares the whole way.

The moment they entered the club Rachel wasn't as pleased. There were many men who tried to grab her butt but that was easily fixed as Puck sent them his death glare.

"Noah, I don't think that we are legally allowed to come in here!" Rachel yelled over the blaring noise.

"Well duh, obviously. You're just lucky that I didn't have to show a fake ID," Puck yelled.

"And secondly I wanted a slow dance in a gala," Rachel snapped.

"Chill baby. We are going to slow dance," Puck smirked and with that he grabbed her by her waist and slowly he started swaying her slowly against the loud music.

"But Noah, the music—''

"Who cares? You wanted a slow dance…I'm giving it to you," Puck said.

"People are going to stare Noah. We're dancing slowly to Lady Gaga," Rachel informed him.

"So?" Puck said.

And after that Rachel smiled and pressed her head against his chest and like in a totally clichéd movie Puck felt his heart swim as Rachel did this. They danced slowly despite the totally loud music and puck could feel other people staring but he was like Who the fuck cares? After about the fifth song Rachel broke free from his arms and he felt a bit annoyed at first.

"I think we should go now," Rachel smiled.

Puck tried to hide the disappointment on his face and forced a smile. They quickly went out and made their way to his truck. Upon reaching there Puck again pretended to tick of an imaginary list and said, "Slow dancing: check."

…

"A stroll around the park should be simple enough to fulfill granted this night is getting more and more unexpected," Rachel said.

"You just said a lot of words I did not understand but yeah. Sure," Puck said.

He was trying his best not to feel like a complete pansy because the slow dance back there? Complete and utter cliché, corny Disney moment. Puck felt like he should beat himself up with a stick. He was starting to feel something really weird and as he continued to stare at Rachel all those perverted feelings he felt towards her were totally evaporating and Puck was starting to think that she was beautiful.

_Beautiful!_

Puck does not think of girls as beautiful; only hot or sexy but Rachel with her chocolate curls and pretty smile made him think that of her. Fuck, he was becoming a major wuss. He just prayed that the trip to the park won't estroginized him more.

He stopped and hopped off and both he and Rachel started walking around the park.

"I must say Noah that I am not as uncomfortable as I expected," Rachel smiled.

"That's 'cause you are in the Puckerone Express," Puck smiled.

"I have to really say Puck….that this is quite enjoyable. Thank you," Rachel said flashing him a very sincere smile. Puck felt his heart beat two seconds per hour.

"Yeah whatever." Puck shrugged trying to keep himself from becoming a pussy.

They continued to talk and Puck tried to ignore his heart which was beating against his chest wildly. He was trying his best to ignore the fact that Rachel smelled like Jasmine as Brittany had said or the fact that she looks so beautiful when the lanterns pass her face in a certain way.

Shit. He just though beautiful again.

Think hot, hot, hot….

Boobs, boobs, boobs, boobs…..

His rant was interrupted however by a scream and he found that Rachel tripped and landed herself in the fountain. He tried his best to ignore that fact that her blouse was practically see-through when he started laughing because she looked so funny.

"It is in no way hilarious Noah!" Rachel said.

"It sure is Berry!"

"I knew that a Neanderthal how found slushies on my face everyday were funny would find this situation amusing," Rachel huffed.

Puck ignored her and continued to laugh when he felt a hand on his left ankle and the next thing he knew was that he was in the fountain next to Rachel.

"What the hell?"

Rachel laughed.

"Not so funny now?" Rachel said between laughs.

"Oh yeah….watch this Berry!" And with that splashed water towards her. Rachel tried to recover form the shock expression of her face before splashing Puck back. They both splashed at each other when a flashlight suddenly shown towards them They both looked up to find a police officer looking sternly at them.

After telling them that it was not a swimming pool Rachel began to apologize profusely and Puck had to drag her away.

"That was single-handedly the most embarrassing experience I ever had!" she snapped as she got into his truck.

Normally Puck would have thrown a hissy fit if someone dripping wet would be sitting down on his baby but somehow he didn't feel all that mad because a wet Rachel is hot Rachel.

"AW, go get a pill! You have to admit that that was fun,' Puck said.

"Still! I have never been in a run-in with the law. What if the media uncovers this when I'm famous?" Rachel said.

"Still, it's hardly a scandal and besides it's your fault," Pucks aid as he started the engine.

"Excuse me?" Rachel said.

"You're the one who pulled me in!"

"Because you were laughing at me mockingly and might I add unnecessarily," Rachel said.

"Anyway…a stroll in the park: check," Puck smiled.

…

Rachel was still fuming about the whole fountain thing and fro the whole trip she kept yammering to Puck about it. Puck sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Anyway I am curious as to how you will do the portrait," Rachel said.

"Not a portrait but snapshots…," Puck said as he stopped in front of the mall. He was vaguely aware of the people staring at them since they were dripping wet. He dragged Rachel in until they were in a photo booth.

"Snapshots?" Rachel said incredulously.

"I'm not sure if you've been in one Berry but the machine takes pictures of you while you're inside. It lets you have six pictures and gives you five seconds to prepare," Puck said. Rachel threw her head back and laughed.

"What?"

"Just marveling at your imagination," she said.

She entered the booth and was horrified to find only one chair.

"Noah, there's only one chair!" Rachel said.

"That's what my lap is for," Puck said sitting down on it.

Rachel looked annoyed.

"No way."

"Just sit on my lap Berry! It's about to start!"

"I will not be coerced into such an undignified position—''

She didn't get to finish since Puck grabbed her by the waist and forced her to sit on his lap.

_Click!_

"OH great! We waisted on shot," Rachel frowned.

"Okay the next one is about to start," Puck said happy that Rachel had completely forgotten that she was on his lap.

"This should be serious poise. Okay Noah….no joking," Rachel ordered.

"Scout's honor," Puck said.

Rachel smiled onto the camera while puck placed a V-sign with his fingers over her head.

_Click!_

"Next would be—''

"I'll decide Berry!"

"But—''

"No buts Ms Bossy! You already decided what to do during the second shot—''

"Still—''

But she was cut off with Puck covering her eyes.

_Click!_

"We wasted a perfectly good shot with your ridiculous idea!" Rachel fumed.

"Hey it's only fair," Puck shrugged.

Rachel rolled her eyes before saying, "Okay next shot is I want it to look as if I'm punching you."

"No way!"

"Noah I abided with your idea of a good shot so now you must do with mine," she ordered.

Puck sighed and said, "Fine…"

And with that Rachel pretended to punch Puck in the face and Puck tried to look as if he was hit.

_Click!_

"Okay my turn Berry! And no complaints because I went along with your shitty idea!" Puck said.

"Fine! But I still think that your ideas are childish and immature!" Rachel retorted.

Suddenly Puck kissed her neck.

_Click!_

Rachel looked at him in shock.

"Blame it on the hormones Berry. Been itching to do that and more since you first came out in that outfit," Puck smirked.

"You pig!" she yelled slapping him.

"Aw come on Berry! Don't tell me that you didn't want me to do that?"

Rachel laughed.

_Click!_

Rachel groaned.

"We wasted another good shot!" Rachel snapped.

"And it's my fault? You're the one who had to make a big deal out of my fun shot!"

"It wasn't fun! It was completely indecent and disgusting and those suggestions that you made were—''

And to shut her up Puck kissed her.

_Click!_

This time Rachel was in shock and so was Puck because that kiss was amazing.

Awkward.

"I guess our pictures are here," Rachel said quickly leaving the booth.

Puck sighed and tried to wipe the sweat of his forehead. He just kissed Rachel Berry. And it was good. He went outside expecting a long rant from Rachel but instead he found her staring at their snapshots.

"You didn't do it seriously as I told you so!" she said huffily shoving the shots to him.

He examined it and saw that the first shot was one of Rachel looking surprised and him looking happy. She was on his lap. Next was one of Rachel smiling and of him putting a V-sign on top of her head. He chuckled. The next one was of him putting his hands over Rachel's eyes. The next one was of Rachel pretending to punch Puck and it was definitely realistic. The next one was of him kissing her neck and he was happy to see that Rachel was smiling when he did that. Score! The next one was of them looking at each other with a weird expression on their faces and the last one was of them kissing.

"I'm sorry for kissing you," he said sheepishly.

"Quite understandable although a simple "Keep Quiet" would have sufficed," she said.

Puck smiled.

"I suppose we divide the pictures between us," Rachel said.

"Nah, keep 'em all. I just want one picture to prove to my mom that I actually went on a date with you and that I wasn't doing cocaine," he said.

Rachel held it out and he picked the second one since he figured that his mom would go apeshit crazy on him if eh saw the two kissing pictures. He was about to hand it back to Rachel when he tore out the picture of him kissing her neck.

"What?" Puck said seeing her stare.

They both made their way back to his truck and when they were both seated properly Rachel said softly, "A portrait of me and my date: check."

…

Rachel tucked the snapshots in her mirror and smiled. Her perfect date wasn't all that she wanted and expected. Instead of a tall and handsome man it was Puck who fulfilled it for her and he did it in the most unexpected ways imaginable. She smiled.

It wasn't as good as she expected.

It was better.

…

_Sorry that I haven't updated as fast as I promised but my aunt from Australia came home and stayed with us and she kept on hogging the computer. Thanks for the reviews! It's my first hundred. Yay! Keep reviewing._


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